note from here (in moving pictures)

seeking green

I am currently taking Andrea Scher's Elevate the Ordinary Superhero Photo class.

It is so good.

My number one reason for taking this class was that I knew I needed a little Andrea energy in my inbox a few days a week. Her writing deeply moves me and I appreciate the way she pairs fun and joy with truth and realness. Yes. So as February gave way to March and the rain rain rain would keep drip drip dripping around here, I knew this class would inspire me, and I anticipated that Andrea's words would speak right to where I am on my path. (I was right. So so good.)

When I signed up though, I knew that I wouldn't have much time for solo photography adventures, so my plan was (and continues to be) to tuck Andrea's tips and wisdom into my creative toolbox to pull out when I have more time. Still, I hoped and planned to get a few photo walks on my schedule and take Ellie with me on a few walks near our home and at Point Defiance Park. 

However, the last few weeks unfolded differently than expected as our babysitter's schedule changed a bit due to sports and I found myself needing more rest than an adventure or two and on days when we could have gotten outside, the rain rain rain came down. Then, just when the weather turned warm and sunny and I was so hopeful that we would get out to the park or take a walk in the woods, Ellie's needs and "I am almost two" ways became such that we needed to stay home and dance out (or nap out) the grumps.

Last week as I sat on the floor with Ellie "playing" (one of her new favorite words), I looked at the blue sky through the window, and honestly, I began to pout in my head just a bit because I knew the day would not involve me heading out into that sun alone with my camera.

At some point in the midst of "What does the cow say?" and "Be gentle with Millie. Thank you," I remembered what I have so often told others to do when they say they don't have time for a photography date and thought about what Andrea would probably say to me: Just take 10 minutes and go on a photography adventure in your backyard.

Ellie and I bundled up and grabbed some snacks just like we were heading out to the park, and I gave myself the assignment of finding as many shades of green that I could see because, honestly, I knew this assignment would be easy on an almost Spring day here in the Pacific Northwest. Capturing the green might not be the easy part, but finding it would be. Sometimes the easy assignment is the way to go when you just need light.ness and fun more than anything else.

I almost always have my camera with me when we go outside, and we go outside almost every day...but I needed this shift to see it as an assignment of sorts to refill the well. Of course it is all in how you look at it, but the woman in toddlerland that I am most days needed this reframing.

Ellie sat contently in a chair snacking while I snapped away. And for those few minutes, I really was on a bit of a solo photography adventure. Then she joined me for some exploration of the different textures on the trunk of our maple tree.

And somewhere out in the backyard as I snapped these photos, I began to think about how Ellie Jane and I have quite a bit in common in the stages we are navigating in our worlds. She is in that toddler stage where her will and desire are greater than her abilities and understanding of the world. And in many ways, my desire to create and write and share is so much bigger than the time I have to actually do these things.

This afternoon, as I take a few hours to write and work on the to do list, I am giving myself this blessing that I plan to write on my bathroom mirror so I will see it each day: May I be as patient with myself as I am with her...

i wait all year for this day

from dream to do (in moving pictures)

Recently, Grace, a kindred spirit who attended one of my retreats last year, sent me an email with the following questions: You wrote recently about a new dream project you are working on. So my question has to do with when you have in inkling of an idea, and the more you think about it, the more you are convinced it's something that must be brought to light, how then do you move your mind from dreaming and thinking to fleshing out and planning (especially when you haven't done anything like this before)? What is it that you are doing/saying to yourself to move into that space?

When thinking about her questions, I felt moved to share my response in a video. However, as I mention in the video, I recorded this as a really organic off the cuff not at all planned without any notes response to Grace's questions, which means the video is a bit long (about 18 minutes). You might just want to read the rest of the post below that includes the main points I made. In the video though, I do share about why I decided to begin to host and organize retreats and why I created Poem It Out when the idea tugged on me in just the last couple of weeks.

I don't always do things in the following order, but here are some of things I do to move an idea from the dream stage to the "do" stage. 

1. I listen to my heart and choose one or two ideas at a time that have me jumping up and down with excitement. [Reading this later, I think I will devote another post to this piece soon.]

2. I circle with my kindreds/think tank to get some feedback. (Hiring a fantastic, soulfull business coach has helped me with this big time.)

3. I use an idea journal to begin to visualize how I can make the idea happen. (My Smash journals are helping me so much with this!)

4. I simply try to believe that I will find my way to make it happen (that I can do it). And part of this is being honest with myself about what I am good at and what I most want to do. [This feels a bit like I am a product of staring at those posters and mugs in Successories when in my teens (remember that store?), but believing I can implement what I most want to do is a big part of living an idea into reality. Though I guess I should say thanks to my mom for always having some of those cards/posters around.]

5. If something doesn't work but it still stirs my soul, I try to rework it or look at how I might not be explaining it well enough to my audience. In other words, I repeat numbers 1-4.

6. I try to let go of the ideas that don't continue to really excite me (even if I think they might make money).

And as I look through this list above, if I had to sum all of this up in one phrase, I would say: I try to get out of my own way.

Thanks again for the questions Grace. I am excited to share some more on this subject and have tucked a few more ideas for future posts into the "blogging intentions" section of my creative wholeness journal. Stay tuned...

poem it out (a new ecourse)

The idea for this ecourse grabbed hold of me last week and wouldn't let go. I am so delighted to be sharing it with you today! 

*****

Poetry is a lifeline for me.

I think it could be one for you, too.

And I want to spend four weeks with you showing you why.

In this online course, we will explore the world of poetry from a place of wonder. We will look for poems that invite us to nod our heads and say, “Me too…me too.” We will face the blank page and say, “Bring it” and write the words that are ready to burst out of us. We will stop everything to Poem It Out.

DETAILS

Dates: April 2 – April 27

Where: The course will be hosted on a private blog and private Flickr group. Although the material will be presented over four weeks, participants are encouraged to work at their pace, and the course will stay up on the blog until May 31 to help facilitate this. The Flickr group will be available indefinitely for continued connection after the course ends. 

Lessons: Juicy poetry goodness will be posted four times a week and will include topics like:

• Writing and poetry prompts
• Creating a word toolbox to be a companion when you face the blank page
• Poetry creative adventure assignments
• Stories about my own poetry adventures
• Inspiration posts that will introduce you to poets, poems, and other good things
• Interviews with poets and poetry lovers

Supply list:

• Journal/notebook and favorite pen/pencil
• A camera (any camera is fine, including a camera phone)
• A Flickr membership (only needed if you want to share your photos)

Updated: Registration for this session of Poem It Out is now closed. To learn more about current and upcoming sessions, head over here.

Please note that an FAQ with answers to some of the questions you might have is included on the Poem It Out page. Feel free to send over any additional questions to me via email.

sunday play

Because getting outside and playing with a bright orange ball can get anyone out of her grumps and back into her body.

Try it.

Dare you.

the realness of here

Left (Wednesday mid-morning) :: in this moment, this is what motherhood looks like: Tired. Grateful. A bit scared. A lot optimistic. Overwhelmed. Present. Real. Holding on to joy. 

Right (Wednesday late-afternoon) :: here: adele. hot tea. getting ready to chat with my coach. it's good. yep. I got this.

The photos + words above are glimpses into two moments in my world yesterday. I love that they really are an illustration of how things go around here. One moment can be full of so much worry and exhaustion and aloneness and thank goodness she is napping. Another later in the day can be full of big dreams and a certainty that I am going to make them real.

And a lot of the time that certainty of yesterday afternoon seems impossible to find.

And sometimes I feel lonely like I did yesterday morning.

But neither of these photos illustrates exactly how it is around here or how I feel all the time.

They are glimpses into my world. Glimpses into the realness of working from home + being a mom/caregiver throughout the day and trying to figure out how to ask for help and trying to find my way and how the list goes on. They are glimpses into the beauty and the shit. They are just glimpses that tell pieces of the story. For the whole story, well, you would have to move in and I still probably wouldn't tell you everything.

Today, the following words are really just tumbling out of me and even though I feel a bit uncertain about sharing, I am going with it:

In my corner here, I try to just tell stories. Sometimes the stories are full of joy and other times they might be a glimpse into grieving. I might share poem notes, bits about motherhood, and how I am using my new favorite journals. And sometimes I tell these stories through my jewelry, my workshops, and my retreats.

I mostly try to pay attention to my life
so that I feel less crazy
and less alone.

And the tools I usually use to share how I pay attention are my camera and my pen or laptop.

This is just how I do it. There really is no right or wrong way to share your stories online or in other ways.

And in this moment, I have to admit to feeling a bit defensive after noticing a trend of blog posts that seem to invite those of us trying to find the beauty in the present moment or trying to notice the simple things to feel like we are trying to show the world that life is perfect.

This practice of being right here...of noticing the moment and how I feel and choosing to sometimes walk right to the mirror and look myself in the eyes so that I feel less alone...well, this is how I get through.

And something tells me that a lot of other people (perhaps all of us) are doing what they do to get through too.

When Jon and I saw Anne Lamott speak last Friday night, she talked about how people who talk about "being present" and breathing or people who say things like "Let go and let God" sometimes make her feel like taking a fork and stabbing them in the forehead like a baked potato. That moment was so funny. Everyone laughed. She said it with such conviction that I am still laughing about it as I type this. I am with her on the platitudes that people seem to need to say, especially when saying things they think God would tell us, as though they are speaking for God. 

But as I was laughing, I was also very aware of her use of the words "be present."

Then she said, "But it turns out breath was part of the way home." 

And I started crying.

Because this is what it is to me. This is what it is all about. Finding my way home. Letting the breath, letting a power greater than me, letting my own wisdom hold the space for what I most need.

When I take a photo like the iPhone self-portraits above, I find my breath and I find my way back to me just for that second. And for that moment, I let go of so much and just observe what is really happening. When I pair the photo with words like I did in both of these moments above, I can drill right down to what I am feeling, and often, I uncover what I know. And I can't avoid it because I am staring back at me.

Self-portraits are really like a prayer for me.

When I try to find beauty in the midst of the everyday, it isn't about pretending life is perfect. In fact, it is really more about finding the beauty in the mess...in the piles of bills...in the toddlerness of things...in the hard stuff and the good stuff. I don't want to forget that there is love and joy and music that makes me dance each time I hear it and a really good cup of tea waiting for me even in the midst of complete uncertainty.

And each time I share in this corner, it is just a glimpse. It is just me reaching out hoping someone will nod and say, "Me too." It is just me wanting someone to see me and wanting you to know you are not alone. 

(Thanks for reading.)

[Edited to add: After reading laney's comment, I realize that when I talked about Anne Lamott above, I really did pull this section of her talk out of context, and if I were Ms. Lamott, I might would be a bit annoyed with me. And if you are not familiar with her writing, you might assume a lot about her based on what I share above and that would be sad. She is incredible and thoughtful and funny and really seems to just tell the truth. The context above was more about how we can feel resistent to the very thing we need. And that sometimes the way someone says it, turns us away, but then we find our way back to it. I am putting my spin on her words and really this is not what I planned to share about her talk (as I do plan to write more soon).

I have no reason to believe that she wasn't saying that she doesn't believe in the idea of "Let go and let God;" it really is more about the phrasing and the timing of when people choose to use what I call platitudes. Her words were funny in context because I think it is just so true that people try to help and so often say the wrong thing that just doesn't resonate when we are deeply in pain. I so appreciate Carol's comment about her mother-in-law telling her to just pray and how at the time it might have felt dismissive because she wanted a plan of action. Now, though, as she wrote in her comment below, she sees "when things seem overwhelming, really truly the only answer is to 'just pray' or breathe or be in the moment or offer it up to the Universe or whatever you want to call it because there is nothing left."

I hope this helps explain (or even over-explain) why I chose to pull that bit of her talk out for this piece that poured out of me Thursday. If reading it all feels clunky, well, I think that is because all the pieces I am sharing are a bit noisy and messy and unsure of where they fit. But I guess I just wanted to start the conversation instead of sitting silently over here.]

*****

Deeply inspired by Darrah's post about the realness of the first few months of motherhood and Jen's post about "a life in progress" and Erika's post at Shutter Sisters about how "your life is newsworthy."

trust, rest, and a shop coupon

trust . a new bracelet in the shop

Last week, I closed the shop for about ten days to give myself a bit of breathing space. I wanted to spend time with my family and focus on a couple of other projects and big dreams that I am hoping to make real. It was also the breathing space week in my Create Space ecourse, and it was simply nice to practice what I am teaching as I work alongside my current ecourse participants.

This made me think about how we really should give ourselves the gift of a break every now and then. Even though I wasn't actually on a true vacation (oh my goodness I know there is a white sandy beach in Maui calling my name but I won't be visiting her for a long time) and in reality I was working almost every day, I needed to take a break from being in the studio and creating for others. I needed this break so that I could come back refreshed and ready to create these special talismans.

(I am writing more on the idea of rest and redefining what rest can mean as part of the next "Field Notes: Adventures in Creative Self-Care" newsletter series, so stay tuned as I will be sending it out later this week. Sign up here if you want to start receiving this newsletter-only series and other fun things like coupons for the shop, retreat announcements, and so on.)

Earlier this week, as I reorganized my project table where I create most of the Soul Mantras designs, I felt called to create this new "trust" bracelet for myself. I have been working with trust as one of my personal soul mantras for a few months now, using it in meditation and with my personal altar practice. And I have been wearing this word inside a locket. But I felt called to make it even more present. I need to see it on my wrist to remember each day that it is time to trust the love that surrounds me, the wisdom within me, and that I don't have to know and do everything. I paired it with an amethyst crystal to help calm thoughts and give insight. I have been wearing it stacked with my mala beads and a few other bracelets, and it has made me so happy that I decided to add it as a new available design.

As I celebrate getting back into the studio, I am having a 20% off sale in my shop today! Just use coupon code "leap2012" TODAY ONLY to receive 20% off of your entire order. (You just have to click "Apply Coupon Code" right above the item total in your cart. Then enter the code before you check out.)

May today include a bit of what you most need...

Blessings,

Liz