a little helper

ellie jane helps jon make tacos

I have been meaning to do a post about life with Ellie Jane and the tools and books and toys that we are enjoying over here, but after saying, "I have got to tell other moms about this fun pod" yet again in my head this morning, I decided to finally write a post just about this magical red stool meets high chair without a seat meets mama's best helper ever.

It is one of the more expensive toddler items we have, but it has been so so worth it in just the five weeks we have had it.

We use it every day throughout the day. While I make breakfast, Ellie stands in it and nibbles on things. When I had to work on orders while Jon was working late, she played next to me (you might have spotted this before). 

We are at the point where she wants to get up in it. And this is a welcome companion to the always on the move energy she often has. I also really love how it keeps her safe when I need to open the oven or am making something on the stove.

It also helps Ellie see what is going on. She often wants to be held, but this way she can be part of what is going on and see everything I am doing (and my hands can be free). She stands in it at the table as well and we use it instead of a high chair at times because she doesn't always want to be "strapped in." She has such an inquisitive, determined spirit and I love how this little fun pod helps encourage her and support the ways she learns.

Can you tell I kind of love it? I just wanted to share in case you or someone you love might have a little one who could benefit from a helper like this one.

Oh and did you spot Millie in these photos? The fun pod also helps Ellie feed Millie snacks (when I'm not looking). I hear her giggle and turn around and see Mille snacking away while Ellie looks at me with eyes twinkling. Still trying to capture that with the camera.

PS A few other notes: I meant to also say that my mom and I looked at a few options for this type of stool, but because Ellie is so active, we didn't want to get one that she could climb out of. This one has four sides, so we have to lift her up, but she is a wee one still and probably will be for her toddler years because of her heart stuff, so it will be pretty easy to use it for years. It is very sturdy (and HEAVY, I slide it across the floor) and I have no worries at this point of her falling out or climbing out.

here

a post is brewing inside me about the realness of working from home while taking care of a toddler full time and running a business that is really more than a full time job. a post about the lifelines i hold onto some days. a post about why i really invite you to let go (for real this time) of thinking the people you see online "do it all." a post about how some days find me vacuuming with a toddler eating cheerios strapped to me. a post about how going to the bathroom by myself sometimes seems like it has become a luxury. a post about how sometimes i drive around my neighborhood drinking a hot chai tea and talking with a friend because my daughter is napping in the backseat and i don't want to hang up yet. a post about how just when i think "i got this" the overwhelms arrive again. a post that is just about the realness of things so that i can remind myself that choosing self-care (like i did last week when i closed the shop during my ecourse's "breathing space" week to give myself some breathing space too) is the right choice...so i can remind myself of what i know...

and i wanted to write that post tonight. 

but then there was this photo from today.

this photo of a little girl who has her head on her daddy's chest. a little girl who wants to go outside even when it is freezing because there are birds and trees and so much to do and see. a little girl who giggles and then gets so frustrated in the next breath that i can't help but wonder what will happen when that frustration is finally paired with words. a little girl who looks at me like no one has ever looked at me before. a little girl who runs down the hall and wraps her arms around my legs when i get done with a marathon brainstorming skype session because she just can't believe i am finally back. a little girl who touches her chest and my chest when i say, "where is love?"

there can be both you know. there can be deep deep love and frustration about the realness of it all. you can hold both at once. you can hold both the beauty and shit.* 

this is the way of life i think. 

*i just can't come up with another word. this phrase, the beauty and the shit, is one i have been using with my friends for a while now. i basically want to name my next ecourse "the beauty and the shit" but i know that won't really resonate with everyone. at the same time, i think you probably know exactly what i mean when i say it. life is full of beauty and shit. it is full of moments that take our breath away because they are incredible and because they are so so hard. and we get through. and we find our breath again. and there is love. and we hope there is more love than shit. and it is okay to see all of it and tell the truth about all of it too.

pen & paper :: a little about susan

a glimpse into Susan's workshop at the Fall 2010 Be Present Retreat

Today, my friend Jennifer Horsman is sharing a bit about how Susan Wooldridge inspires her. Susan is teaching at Pen & Paper with Kelly and me next month, and I thought you might want to know just a bit more about her. There are a few spots left and we hope you will join us!

Jennifer writes:

I first met Susan Wooldridge at a Be Present Retreat in Lake Bay, Washington in the fall of 2010 where she was a mentor. Her books Poemcrazy: Freeing Your Life with Words and Foolsgold: Making Something from Nothing and Freeing Your Creative Process had become favorites of mine; both copies highlighted, underlined, dog-eared and often reread. Susan was alive on the page, fully engaged in the world around her through each of her senses. 

Poemcrazy changed the way I thought about words. Words suddenly moved beyond their dictionary definitions and embodied their lyrical form. Words evoked emotion, memory and timespace. Words became playful and acrobatic. I began to see with fresh eyes and because of this I also began to write more.

To my delight I found that Susan in person was every bit as vivid and enticing as she had appeared on the page. Her excitement for poetry was palpable and infectious. Susan was generous with her time and convinced each of us, regardless of writing experience, of our ability to create poetry. She built an atmosphere filled with warmth, humor, encouragement and acceptance. Each exercise expanded our ideas about poetry and what we were capable of creating. We left the retreat with work we felt proud of and a desire to keep writing.

Susan is an alchemist. She is able to elicit unique magic in every student she encounters. She will return to Lake Bay at the Pen & Paper Retreat in March. I will be there and I'd really love to share this extraordinary experience with you as well. If any part of your heart leaps to recognition at the sound of the word writer you won't want to miss it!

"Poems arrive. They hide in feelings and images, in weeds and delivery vans, daring us to notice and give them form with our words. They take us to an invisible world where light and dark, inside and outside meet." 

- Susan Goldsmith Wooldridge (from Poemcrazy)

*****

Susan's Pen & Paper workshop description:

In a safe, free setting, we will gather and surround ourselves with words that will be gateways to deeper knowing about who we are, where we come from and where we're going.  

In this workshop, we will forage in a field of words, cast nets and gather what we need to joyfully and safely express the depths of our hearts, souls, spirits. Sleepy orange trust, clock's breath, preach nibbles have all emerged from playful "wordpools" like the ones we'll create together. We will tinker!

We will also create small worlds of gatherings in boxes that reflect our connection to the natural world (as well as to the sparkly world of litter) and write odes to our gatherings and odes to our shadows (and odes to our shadow gatherings). From this we will spinoff and spinoff and spinoff!

Find out more about the Pen & Paper Retreat.

*****

Jennifer Horsman lives along the California coast with her husband and greyhound in a small cottage filled with books, records and loose leaf tea.

She can be found at www.lovelyandimperfect.squarespace.com

brain lint :: journaling

The first sentence of this page of my journal says, "this is the page where i am going to just dump the stuff that i don't need to hold onto like worry and not enoughness and how the **** will i get it all done..." Since writing those words, I have turned to this page and filled it with uncensored fears when I get distracted while working.

The idea to do this came to me while I was working in my red Smash journal that houses ideas for my ecourses and other online projects I am working on. While putting these ideas to the page, I can find myself pulled by the "what ifs" and the "shoulds" and how the list goes on. On this day, I was writing down ideas for a possible ecourse connected to the project Jen Lee is producing that will be out later this spring (will share more about this project soon! we are having so much fun putting the finishing touches together before it all goes to print), and I had a flurry of a brainstorm that got me very excited. But then I got stuck as some gremlins came up. So I flipped through the journal to another section to give myself a break from thinking about this idea and came to this page that said, "Brain Lint." 

Yes.

Because this is exactly what the not enoughness is sometimes: lint that is just taking up space where something else could reside.

I love how my Smash journals often provide just the prompt I need when I am working. They really seem like magic sometimes. (Not kidding.) You can read the other posts in this journaling series inspired by my excitement over my first Smash book here.

An Invitation

Reserve a few pages in your journal for some uncensored brain lint. Let it be a safe space for you to let that not enoughness or the fears or the worry land so you can lean into the real work.

And consider joining us over in the Notes for the Journey Flickr group where we are sharing pages from our journals and where we are journaling. Also, if you are on Instagram, a group of us are using the hashtag #journeynotes when we share our journals. Oh and if you use an app like Instagram, you can easily use the blur feature to blur out your personal journaling but still share your photo. 

a ruffle or three

sporting my PDX beanies newsgirl hat on today's little adventure + lunch + writing at a cafe with jon

A few weeks ago, I mentioned posting some outfit posts every now and then. And I have really wanted to share them with you because it simply is fun to share the things I love with my girlfriends. But I have to admit to feeling a bit, well, blah about the photos I have tried to take so far. In the middle of my day, there really isn't time to pack Ellie up in the car to take a cute photo against the best background ever (even though oh my goodness I really love Elsie's tips about taking cute outfit photos). And I am just beginning to use my new tripod and remote (and by just beginning I mean I have put them in the car a few times but haven't used them yet). So the best way for me to get an outfit photo right now is to use the mirror...in the hallway...the hallway with the oatmeal colored walls and beige carpet. Sigh. 

But I am going to do it anyway...

...because I am just in love with this simple "dress" I found at the Gap outlet this weekend. And by dress I mean "nightgown" kind of thing as it is "Gap Body," but the ruffles...oh the ruffles! They just make me so happy. It is a denim blue color and I have paired it with my Sarah Clemens wide ruffle bloomers, a simple lace tank from Target, and a wrap top by Comfy (no link) but it is very similar to my favorite wrap from Wildewear on Etsy. Today's necklaces are a long locket from my shop and a handpainted necklace by Mindy Lacefield from her shop Tim's Sally. The whole outfit is a bit like wearing pajamas I suppose, but the ruffles make me smile and I am in this place where feeling happy in my clothes is most important right now. It is really part of my self-care.

(Speaking of my shop, I am taking a break for a week to continue to rest and spend time with my family as Jon has some time off this week. I plan to reopen on the 27th.)

I really do hope to take some fun outfit photos out in the world when I go on some self-portrait adventures when my schedule for such things falls on the same day it isn't raining. But until then, thank you for indulging me as I just wanted to share this today.

here

this week, i have been leaning into rest. i have been reading (just for fun) and working in bed while she naps and even napping once or twice. jon and i went on an impromptu valentine's day date (the babysitter had come over so i could work, but instead jon picked me up and we had an early dinner...it felt like breaking the rules in the best of ways). i have been trying to get to bed earlier. and i've been trying to observe myself with a more compassionate focus.

i am noticing that life feels softer when i rest more. i feel softer. i am more likely to move through my day with kindness and love (toward myself, toward others). it seems so obvious but it simply is hard for me to remember some days (and weeks it seems). 

tonight, i am thinking about how the remembering feels like a dance of getting to know myself again and again. and i choose to see this as a beautiful gift i give myself. because there will be days full of overwhelm and misunderstandings and forgotten deadlines and unexpected bumps in the road. but i will keep reaching for compassion, and i will try to remember that rest is so often the answer.

the poem that is pasted into my journal in the photo above is "love after love" by derek walcott. it is about remembering yourself. i keep it in constant rotation over here. i invite you to add it to your self-care toolbox. you can read all of this poem over here.

hearts

I was wishing that you could come over for tea this afternoon, so I recorded this video about the hearts hanging in our living room because I just wanted to tell you the story. You really should settle in with some tea though as I ramble for about 14 minutes...

A few links for you after you watch the video:

1. my (ever-growing) heart pinboard on Pinterest 
2. the "paint chip" heart banner that originally inspired me
3. Dottie Angel's heart banner post/tutorial
4. a link to my old first video post that was a tutorial about how to make a garland with felt circles (i use the same techniques to sew the hearts and other banners i make...my hair is shorter and oh my goodness i have a lot of energy in this video, so if you watch it, i hope it makes you giggle)

Blessings to you and yours on this day,

Liz

we went on a lunch date