a poem that made me exclaim "oh shit" {poetry thursday}

one great thing about poetry thursday is that you can post whatever the heck you want about poetry on a thursday and still be "participating."

another great thing about poetry thursday is that it invites both poets and readers of poetry to celebrate poetry. so both can participate with ease and enjoy themselves.

today, i come here as a lover of poetry. as a reader of poetry. as reading poetry is what got me here to poetry world in the first place.

and i want to share with you a poem by sharon olds that caused me to exclaim "oh shit" when i finished reading it...i might have even exclaimed it as i read it.

it resonates in that "oh shit" kind of way. in an "i don't exactly want to admit that i know this feeling because i don't want my parents to read this and think i feel exactly like this but what kid from a household where the parents are divorced and know that their parents lives might have in some way been better had they not married and...does not feel this way?" kind of way.

this poem...well...it says it all in a few lines. all that might be said in 20 counseling sessions or one intense moment if someone was ill or what one might say in a heated moment that would be interpreted in all the wrong ways...it says all of it.

this poem is why i love poetry. this poem is why i believe we all must tell our stories over and over again. this poem is why i believe that we should never stop telling our stories even when people might not want to hear us.

i hope you will take the time to go and read I Go Back to May 1937 by Sharon Olds.

(happy poetry thursday...
love, liz)

PS Poetry Thursday was a weekly poetry project that I began and then co-ran with another blogger back in 2006-2007. I still like to celebrate poetry on Thursdays and hope you will do the same in your corner of the world.

my inner tulip blossom

Lately, I have been sharing a lot of the lighter stuff here as I have given myself the gift of an escape into the world of pink buttons and flowered fabric and creating. It has been an escape from this. And, I must admit that it is a true gift to myself. I see it as a gift because I simply cannot do the heavy lifting all the time.

As I watch the trees begin to bloom, the buds of new leaves appear, and the continued growth of the tulips, I begin to see how I spend a lot of time pushing and growing and extending. And that when I allow myself some time to bask in the growth, I begin to bloom. I know the metaphor might be too much here, but this is truly how it feels. This time away from working on myself and trying to learn the lessons feels a bit like the gift of a tulip blossom.

Last year at ArtFest, I purchased a pendant that said “spring shall return.” When I first spotted it, I stood there and just started to cry. As I said to Jon and later to Kelly, the artist made this for me, though she didn’t know it at the time. The shell, the bit of turquoise, the words…my grandmother died in the spring of 2005. She died during her favorite time of year. Right when everything was in bloom. I hadn’t been to South Carolina in the spring for several years and I remember thinking as we drove to the funeral home that I could not believe that she died when all her flowers were blooming – didn’t she want to see them? It would have made sense if she had died in the middle of the hottest day or the coldest day of the year…but spring?

The poem I wrote last week (and posted for Poetry Thursday), spoke to a realization about all of this…about a new understanding of her connection to it all.

And, as I wish for her to be here for me to talk to about a few things going on in my life, especially in those moments when I just want to tell someone something and she would be the first person I would have called, I am sitting with the thought that I can simply continue to breathe and bloom all by myself because I already have the tools I need to grow.

In a way, it feels a bit like I am giving myself the gift of spring.

Here is one of my most recent daily polaroids. I think it captures how I have been feeling lately.

a little bit of this and that

i have to share how excited i am about my new monthly columns over at poetry thursday. this week, i shared some words about meditation and Natalie Goldberg and some other good stuff. this column, take a breath (write a poem), will run the second monday of each month. i plan to share meditations over there, along with some words about the connections between mindfulness and writing. as i wrote the column sunday evening, it was wonderful to remember back to my first experience reading goldberg’s work. so much good stuff there.

spring is really in full gear here. though my daffodils are not blooming for the second year in a row (bah humbug – i will plant new bulbs this fall), it is great to see the cherry trees smiling all over the place when i drive around town. and the tulip buds are coming up!

on friday, i received a wonderful surprise in the mail! jennifer of sacred cake was going through her stash of goodness and sent me some wondrous stuff (thank you girl!). so you know what this means...it’s time to indulge me and look at more photos of:

fabric

(a closer look at the green fabric - it reminds me of people out and about in a market in paris...or perhaps seattle)

trim (look at that yellow rick rack!)

hankies (soon to be peace prayer flags)

and…
my favorite thing of all…

buttons. pink buttons. that look like flowers.

there were other buttons and various other delights too…
how lucky am i? i know…i know…

and rumor has it that jennifer is going to be featured in the next issue of cloth, paper, scissors (okay, it isn’t a rumor at all…i will keep you posted on the details here). i love the way she looks at the world (this is my favorite piece of all time) and i am so excited she is getting the attention she deserves! check out her etsy shop!

i continue with the steps toward artfest and getting my little craftsy/artsy business up and running. over the weekend, jon and i started to work on my new website. i am learning (read fighting with) photoshop elements and how to create a website. so i spent a lot of saturday evening cursing and being a general grumpy-butt toward my husband. but, after i finally figured out this one little thing, i was happy as can be (and a lot nicer) and am now on my way.

oh and i am finally beginning to update my gratitude blog. i have continued to take my polaroids each day and write my gratitude list, but i have found it a bit impossible to scan the photos in each day. and because i want to post them in order, i fell behind by several weeks. i decided that this week i am going to just start posting the current ones and will catch up as i can…so stay tuned.

and one more thing…thanks for all the kind comments you leave here. you all fill my heart up. really you do.

i can’t help myself

do you know that part in you’ve got mail where kathleen and frank (meg ryan and greg kinnear) are breaking up and she asks him if there is anyone else (if you haven’t seen it - this is a mutual break-up moment where they both just realized they need to move on) and then she asks him about the republican? and he says, “i can’t help myself.” i love that moment. they are laughing together. it is so good.

when i find myself having a moment where i just can’t stop myself from doing something, i often quote frank in my head.

on tuesday night, when i was completing the “buy 8x8 canvases” step in my steps to do as i gear up for artfest/get my online shop going, i, of course, found myself lost in the little fabric section of the art store that is near my house. and, of course, i found something.

first, i came across these fabrics and i tried to resist. i looked at them: saw the purses in my head. saw the prayer flags. saw the way the fabrics i have at home would match them. even saw this crazy apron/skirt thing i want to create to wear over jeans. but i kept walking. until i circled back. and loaded them into my cart.

then, while i was waiting to checkout, i was delighted and i mean big-smile-on-my-face-gasp-out-loud excited to see heather bailey’s freshcut line! so, i had to buy some of it as well. i mean, how could i not? it is gorgeous.

when have you exclaimed, “i can’t help myself” lately?

breathing into growth (poetry thursday)

Yesterday was my grandmother's birthday. She would have been 84 or maybe it's 85 now. Her grandmother lived to be 102 so I was hoping for more time...

When Dana and I were sitting in a Starbucks in Seattle this weekend, I was telling her that I can't seem to write many poems about anything other than my grandmother. I guess in her death she has become my muse. I will take a nod from Sharon Olds though and will just keep going with it. Writing the words as they come.

As I mentioned here, I am trying to work with shorter poems. To strip it all away to get to the guts of what I want to say. Yesterday, as the sun peeked through the rainy clouds, I found my way to this poem...

On this day
when the sun slips through the gray
and I hear the tulips push upward,
I know this:
Though I ache to lay my hand in yours
and walk around your yard
listening
as you name each stretching green shoot,
you are happier dancing in the wind
whispering
grow, grow

********

If you haven't already, please visit Poetry Thursday and read this week's columns (and the particpants' Poetry Thursday posts too). Marilyn's words yesterday had me standing up in my little room and cheering out loud! I love poetry.

tangled up in minty green

life is like a ball of yarn…

sometimes it is seemingly perfect,

and then there are days when you get lost in the tangles,

but it is always full of beautiful potential.

This is me trying to be (ahem...) philosophical so that I don’t just take my scissors to this tangle. I would like crocheting a lot more if I didn’t spend twice as long trying to get the yarn into a ball that isn’t tangled than I actually spend crocheting.

Yes, my friends, these three photos are all connected, literally, by a thread.

just can't get enough pink

thanks for all the kinds words about my "abloom" purse...

it seems that i am surrounding myself with all things pink lately. i just can't get enough pink in my life...

i continue to sew fabric and paper and other bits and bobbins together...even though i am also working on some kind of a sinus infection, i am still having fun with all the ideas flowing through my head that i then translate into something tangible. an idea becomes something i can touch.

kelly and i keep brainstorming about ArtFest and all the fun that is to come. she is also helping me think through creating my shop and some other things. during our conversations, i have had to admit that i think i create obstacles for myself to prevent myself from accomplishing what i really want to do. i don't see it as fear in the moment, but that is what it is. i am giving it a name. it is, indeed, fear. i am afraid to admit what i want and who i am and who i want to be...

i have written down steps, attainable steps, of what i will do in the next few weeks to get my website, etsy shop, and other things together. i took the first step last night (order moo cards to hand out at ArtFest). tonight i went to the art store and bought two 8x8 canvases to use in creating two pieces for the ArtFest gallery (the pieces are already sketched! just have to make them real now). the next steps include creating just the front page for my website, organizing and making my trades for ArtFest, and finishing up a few things for the shop that is to come.

(deep breath mingled with a sigh)

i am so excited.

having too much fun...

for weeks and weeks now i have been creating bits and pieces of things for a little etsy shop i hope to open in the next few weeks...
but this weekend, i went to a fabric store in seattle with dana, and i found a fabric that i adored (you know that feeling? when you see a fabric you just want to drape yourself in, sleep in, curl up in?), so i decided to make something just for me...i have been so excited thinking about artfest that i decided to make a bag for artfest. something bright and cheery to signify how excited i am and how much the experience last year and looking forward to this year means to me.

here it is:

a little closer in so you can see all the colors (oh i want to just bathe in these colors) and a glimpse of the "patch" i created:

and here is a close up of the little fabric patch i made for the front (it is quite a bit easier to read in person); i bet you can guess that it is my favorite part:

i had never embroidered anything really, let alone letters, until yesterday. i love how it turned out. oh and just in case you can't tell, it says, "i am abloom."

a little glimpse into the pockets inside. there is one for my cell phone, another for my ipod, one for wallet and little bag of stuff i carry in whatever purse i am using, and another pocket divided in two so that one side can hold my favorite moleskine side that i carry with me everywhere and the other side is for whatever the else i want i guess:

yep, i am having way too much fun in my little room...