a bit from here

pausing in my favorite coffee shop near the market

a list of here:

hearing the keys tap and letters click poem notes onto vintage ledger paper.

gathering so much goodness to take with me across the miles to a favorite little town where i will sit surrounded by women ready to dive in and unearth their stories. yes.

smiling as i think about a couple of conversations this week that were lanterns on my path.  

filling my little list of etsy orders before i head to the midwest monday. i have now had more sales this year than all previous years of the shop combined. wow. thank you big for supporting my shop and for deeply getting the stories i am telling with these talismans. (i will be gone for two weeks so any new orders will ship the week of may 24.)

laughing as i watch ellie find something she wants across the room and then move herself so very quickly as she crawls to get it. she sleeps in child's pose now and i think it is because she wants to be ready to be on the move as soon as her eyes open.

remembering that the only way to teach what i know is to live what i know. 

here

new blue wall . the little room

the view from here:

• a visit from a partner in crime and friend
• one studio freshly painted (and truly found underneath all the stuff)
• a carload or two of that stuff to goodwill
• rediscovery of so many good things that fill my heart with joy
• many moments of laughter so loud we almost woke the baby
• juicy brainstorming for so much that is to come
• nods of "yes, i get that. totally."
• mug after mug of coffee
• a moment in the quiet overwhelmed by kindness
• a smoothie that looked like she added algae (like from a fish tank) [it was super good]
• a very specific wish or two released into the universe
• plans hatched (the midwest retreat is gonna be so good. like big. like oh this is the way life is gonna go now. hold on. it is gonna be awesome.)
• another reminder that showing up as you is the way to find others who will see you
• another reminder that it is through love (and letting ourselves be loved) that we heal 

a list of here.

a bit like candy . necklaces heading to the shop

i have a head cold.
i am trying not to worry about giving it to ellie. 
this is when i use a wand like dumbledore's to pull the thoughts of fear from my brain to store in vintage spice jars.
(i wish dumbledore could come for tea. maybe he could take some of the spice jars with him.)
we watch NCIS. when it is on, i pretend my grandpa is still alive and we will talk about it in the morning.
we never actually talked about NCIS, but i know he loved it, so i pretend.
usually we would talk about birds and notre dame sports and how much we both missed my grandmother.
now i miss them both. 
but each day it doesn't rain, ellie and i go outside and i tell her about the birds. i name each of them so she will always know. perhaps her first word will be chickadee.
i could easily be one of those people who travels the word searching for birds.
but mostly i am a bit hermit-like.
(having a baby with health issues makes being a hermit easy some days.)
being a hermit has its perks as you get to use your own bathroom all the time.
but it can get lonely (even when you are not alone).
this is one reason why i host retreats and get really excited to connect with people in person and teach workshops around the country.
i have been thinking lots about what makes the be present retreats such a beautiful experience for the women who gather.
i am honored to be part of them.
i believe that we must share our stories so we can deeply live in our lives.
otherwise i think the stories, our truth, get stuck inside us and that invites us to become stuck.
when we are stuck, we sometimes don't see the beauty or feel the light upon our heads.
(i know a lot of people who seem stuck.)
pounding phrases like "i am enough" and "i let it go" and "stand in your light" into metal push me to remember the truth that i (want to) believe.
i am so blessed.
but i have a head cold.
so i am going to tuck all of this "here.ness" inside me and take a breath or two and head to bed.
hope the sun shines in your corner of the world tomorrow.

five (really) good things . in this moment

1. finding two vintage suitcases at the rummage sale today. oh my goodness they make me happy. one will house a new creative project that i will be sharing at retreats and workshops (starting with your story in june). the other will just make me smile every day with its happy flower goodness.

2. the sun was shining down upon my head just a few moments ago.

3. creating a few new designs to add to the shop in the next few days. finding inspiration from a dish of jelly beans.

4. opening my eyes to see how my friends nurture me in so many (often unexpected) ways. 

5. tucking this truth inside my heart: i choose to find the beauty and my life is full and lighter because of it.

and you? tell me five really good things from your world. (dare you.)

five (really) good things

the realness of our moments . january 31

even though i am feeling a bit buried in all that is, i am taking time to notice what is so beautiful and true about this moment right now:

1) today (for the first time), i played with the timer on my camera to capture ellie jane and me. not sure why i waited this long as it was so much fun. she was captivated by the sound of the timer so most of the photos had her turning to look just as it clicked, but i love this one. letting go of the negative self-talk about how i am not wearing makeup or didn't shower or how the list goes one. instead, really loving the idea that every photo i take will become clues to ellie, jon, and me (and ellie's children if she has any and so on) about this time in our lives. every photo becomes a clue.

2) the delightful marilyn (one of my first blog world friends) has an interview series she shares at la salonnierre, and she asks the best questions! i am so happy to be answering a few this week. you can read the interview here, including my poem note about how indiana still lives in me.

3) so i was in the winter issue of Artful Blogging. seriously. i can't believe i haven't mentioned it before now because it is basically one of those creative dreams come true. [my name on a cover of a magazine. w.o.w.] last week, ellie and i went to borders and discovered they still had a few copies. (a few people have asked me where to find it, so you might check your local borders; however, the spring issue will be out soon.)

4) the beana is sitting up. just like that. she went from sitting up for seconds at a time to playing by herself for five minutes without falling over. i am kind of amazed by her every single day.

5) the sky was blue today. blue. when we took millie out, ellie and i spotted chickadees, nuthatches, so many round junkos, and a hummingbird. there are buds on the cherry tree. people ask me why they should come to the pacific northwest for a retreat in february or march? because those cherry trees will be blooming. (i think about so many of you about to be buried in snow, and i send you the hope that you can take a moment or two to soak in the beauty of wherever you are.)

*****

and how about you? tell me five (really) good things about your world. 

(dare you)

i want to tell you...

windowsill . frog creek lodge, fall 2010 be present retreat

in the time i am spending in my studio creating necklaces this month, i have been brainstorming about the many things i want to tell you here.

(there is so much i want to tell you.)

i want to tell you about the beauty that can be found when you slow down, close the laptop, and look at your life.

i want to tell you about how my heart often aches because my body and soul have been through so much in the last 16 months. (so much has happened.) i want to tell you the pieces of this truth and about how i am trying to stand still in the healing waters.

i want to tell you about how i have begun to let go of a belief that life is about finding balance between work and family and seems to be more about finding you and what makes your heart rest inside truth when you stand eye to eye with yourself.

i want to tell you about rocking ellie to sleep at night while i chant a song from my teacher and how this has become an act of self-nurturing.

i want to tell you about how hard it is to take in kind words even when you know they are real.

i want to tell you (i want to tell me) about how it feels not to receive what you are asking for and how this sadness still becomes part of the healing.

i want to tell you about how powerful the mirror meditation continues to be as part of my personal practice. there are moments when i feel as though i might be fading away, but the act of taking a deep breath and looking in the mirror always pushes me to be seen.

i want to tell you about these fantastic boots i have been wearing and how they make me feel like i could truly kick some serious ass.

i want to tell you about how all that has happened in the last year has taught me that the best thing you can do when someone is experiencing some major stuff is to listen and then say a variation on, "is there anything i can do?" and mean it.

i want to tell you about what you might want to think about doing if your friends find themselves in the ICU with a loved one.

i want to tell you about how things are not always what they seem (and how i think we should throw open the windows to let assumptions of the destructive kind float on out of our lives).

i want to tell you about all that is inspiring me these days.

i want to tell you about how much i want to start heading to seattle on sundays for my teacher's yoga class, but thinking about hearing her nurturing voice makes me fear that i might cry the entire time.

yes, there is so much i want to tell you...maybe i will begin with this list.

until then, perhaps you could tell me something about you...what do you most need to tell someone?

six

the view from here

1) Reading about Ali's "One Little Word" invitation (and class) has really touched me over the last week or so. I love this image of people around the world giving themselves permission to listen to and then wish for what their soul's most long for in the new year. Yesterday, when I saw all those incredible words posted together, I couldn't stop myself from reading them aloud. And then I recorded them to send Ali a little audio "note" that was more like a poem of possibility so she could hear all the beauty her readers are sharing. She shares my "little note" today on her site. (So if you want to hear all those gorgeous, powerful, one little words read out loud, head to her site and visit this post.) And a big thank you to Ali as she also shared the locket she bought from my shop, so the shop has been hopping a bit with others moved to have their word pounded into a locket.

2) I am now taking custom orders for one (powerful) word simple soul mantra necklaces. I am also taking custom orders for lockets and have streamlined the process a bit, so feel free to email me or just head over to the shop and look around and send me an "etsy conversation." (Current turnaround is about 2-3 weeks for custom orders [see #1]).

3) And other shop news under the gratitude category: Because of my incredible customers, I was able to donate $300 to Mary Bridge Children's Hospital last month. There are still two "seek peace" necklaces available (100% of the profits go to Mary Bridge). I have been so moved by the experience of creating these "stories" that go out into the world. And then, because of you, we were able to give back so other parents who find themselves in an ICU with their child will be able to buy gas to commute to the hospital or food in the cafeteria or have a place to stay. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. (See this post for the history behind this donation.) I plan to do things like this throughout the year and will share more soon.

4) Currently alternating Joshua Radin and David Whyte on the iPod as I work. Have you heard David Whyte read his books and poetry? Oh my goodness, please start with The Three Marriages (this book is seriously rocking my world right now and pushing me to think about the life I am creating...and listening to him read...well...trust me on this).

5) Thank you for your comments and emails that you shared after watching Monday's video post. I will be replying to your emails in the next few days and am so grateful that you have shared your thoughts about this topic. I have my little bowl of buttons right here next to me, and they have really become a reminder of the ways I can live, and I mean really live, in my corner.

6) So many stories are shuffling around inside me waiting to be shared here. I want to tell you about how I am finally sinking into the truth of knowing that just showing up as me is the way to go. I want to share that even though several people told me that "the being present thing would have to be thrown out the window with a baby around," I am learning more each day about how being here ::right here:: is the path I am called to walk. I want to read you a poem or two. I want to share a chant that I am singing to Ellie each night. I want to share my gratitude about how I have felt deeply seen lately (even when I sometimes feel lost in the challenges that are this path of the last year). I want to invite you to come along on a new journey or two with me soon. Yes. So much I want to share. And as I have the time I will. Yes. I can't wait...

four things.

1. i am getting outside with my camera again. thank you blue skies. thank you "you are your own muse." thank you ellie jane who likes riding in the moby.

2. this month, i am pretty much going to post everyday (aka nablopomo). or try to. (maybe even two times some days.) i want to find my words again. and sometimes i am going to turn off the comments. just because.

3. my little etsy shop is open again, and i have uploaded several new soul mantra necklaces. note that the "begin" limited edition fall necklace is available again for the next couple of weeks.

4. remember this post? the one where i mentioned this, "i want to sing to her until she joins in." well, it happened yesterday. ellie jane was hanging out in her bouncy seat pretty chill after a short nap. the house was quiet. i was working on jewelry, finishing the "tell your story" necklace, and suddenly, i was, of course, singing deb talan's song of the same name. as i was singing without really realizing it..."tell your story...don't stop talking, just tell you story walking"...she joined in. yes. yes. yes. (thank you for holding the space for me so i could find my way to this day.)