a bit like candy . necklaces heading to the shop
i have a head cold.
i am trying not to worry about giving it to ellie.
this is when i use a wand like dumbledore's to pull the thoughts of fear from my brain to store in vintage spice jars.
(i wish dumbledore could come for tea. maybe he could take some of the spice jars with him.)
we watch NCIS. when it is on, i pretend my grandpa is still alive and we will talk about it in the morning.
we never actually talked about NCIS, but i know he loved it, so i pretend.
usually we would talk about birds and notre dame sports and how much we both missed my grandmother.
now i miss them both.
but each day it doesn't rain, ellie and i go outside and i tell her about the birds. i name each of them so she will always know. perhaps her first word will be chickadee.
i could easily be one of those people who travels the word searching for birds.
but mostly i am a bit hermit-like.
(having a baby with health issues makes being a hermit easy some days.)
being a hermit has its perks as you get to use your own bathroom all the time.
but it can get lonely (even when you are not alone).
this is one reason why i host retreats and get really excited to connect with people in person and teach workshops around the country.
i have been thinking lots about what makes the be present retreats such a beautiful experience for the women who gather.
i am honored to be part of them.
i believe that we must share our stories so we can deeply live in our lives.
otherwise i think the stories, our truth, get stuck inside us and that invites us to become stuck.
when we are stuck, we sometimes don't see the beauty or feel the light upon our heads.
(i know a lot of people who seem stuck.)
pounding phrases like "i am enough" and "i let it go" and "stand in your light" into metal push me to remember the truth that i (want to) believe.
i am so blessed.
but i have a head cold.
so i am going to tuck all of this "here.ness" inside me and take a breath or two and head to bed.
hope the sun shines in your corner of the world tomorrow.