i wait all year...

Just like last year, the crocuses came up but didn't bloom. But the cherry tree buzzed with bees today, and I found myself welcoming the beginning murmurings of Spring amidst the missing that comes each year on my grandmother's birthday. I wrote this piece last year and am sharing it here for the first time.

*****

I wait all year for the day when the crocuses in my front yard seem to almost dance with their purple blooms reaching toward the sky.

I wait all year for this day that always falls just near her birthday. This day that pushes me to know that Spring is returning, as she always does, even when I doubt. This day that feels like the beginning of a conversation between us. Me, here, living this crazy beautiful life. Her, gone for eight years now, whispering to the budding trees and the pushing upward tulips, encouraging them to grow.

Almost every year during my childhood, I visited my grandparents during the spring. Some years it would be mid-March and the forsythia would be blooming. Other years it would be April and the azaleas and rhododendrons would appear like pink and purple dresses all around their town. My grandmother loved spring. She would name everything that was blooming when we walked around her yard, drove around town, visited the small lake near their house.

When she died on a day in April, it was during one of the most gorgeous springs her town had ever seen. Everything was in bloom. Everywhere. Trees. Bushes. Flowers shooting straight up from the ground. Pinks. Purples. Fuchsias. Yellows. Oranges. Reds. And she never saw any of it from her small hospital room. 

I remember feeling like I was in a fog, as though the world around me was almost in black and white. We were driving back to my grandparents’ home after the funeral and I suddenly noticed all those blooms. My heart felt broken knowing she would never see them again, knowing I would never hear her voice.

That next March, just before her birthday, when I was deeply doubting Spring could ever return outside or inside me, I was walking to get the mail and noticed the purple blooms of the crocuses in my front yard. 

As I stood there looking at the stripes and the unexpected burst of orange in the middle, a new kind of conversation began between us. Me, here, missing her so much I couldn’t breathe sometimes. Her, everywhere, breathing life into spring, into me.

But this year they didn’t bloom.

Nothing. Just green shoots and not one bud.

I tried to ignore it each day when I would look outside the kitchen window, cup of tea in hand. But when her birthday came and went last week without one bloom, I couldn’t deny that my crocuses weren’t blooming this year.

Even though of course the rational side of me knows that we won’t live in this house forever, that crocus buds do not really send a signal to my grandmother to visit me, part of me wondered if perhaps the conversation was coming to an end. If it was time to move on from this belief that she pauses in my front yard to remind the crocuses to bloom each year.

Thinking about this, I stood outside with the unexpected blue sky above me and the sun warming my head, and I put my arms out as though asking, “Are you there?”

I heard a whisper in that moment. A quiet, real voice saying, “You already know.”

Yes. 

(A version of this post originally appeared here.)

pinned it. did it. {with meg}

 

Meg is back with another Pinned it. Did it. post. There are so many awesome DIY ideas out there for bath scrubs and love having this recommendation from Meg. If you try it or have another one you love, let us know in the comments.

Meg writes:

I happen to fall into the large portion of the population that suffers from Keratosis Pilaris - tiny red bumps on the backs of my arms. I’ve had it come and go since I was a teenager and have finally found something that seems to help. I love how many smart ideas I come across on Pinterest that I might otherwise not find. This sugar scrub is one of those things. 

I’ve been using this scrub for over a month now and am starting to see a decrease in the red bumps on my arms. I’m hopeful that there will be a huge improvement by summer when I like to have bare arms. It is certainly not a quick fix, but I love how natural it is and how easy it is to personalize. I think it would make a great DIY gift for anyone to pamper their skin. 

I used avocado oil and coconut oil, white sugar, and a calming blend of essential oils. It’s recommended in the comments of the original post to not use 100% coconut oil (unless it’s fractionated) because it solidifies at room temperature. I’ve been doing a lot of reading about different essential oils that I could try in my next recipes of sugar scrub. I love how easy it is to personalize or experiment with. The scrub itself is so easy to make. It’s as simple as covering a scoop of white sugar with an oil of your choice (olive oil, avocado oil, coconut oil, sweet almond oil are some that come highly recommended), and then adding a few drops of essential oils of your choice. You could also leave the oils out for a fragrance-free option for anyone with sensitivities.

I’m enjoying feeling a bit pampered while I wait for baby to arrive in April. It’s funny how something so simple can feel like self-care and a pick me up in the winter days we’re having. It’s like having a hint of a spa indulgence at home. What ways do you like to indulge or pamper yourself with for some luxurious self-care? Tell us about them in the comments! I’d love to hear. 

Meg Brothers is an artist, photographer, mama, and dreamer. She loves cooking, tattoos, and sporadic dance parties in the kitchen. She prefers dark chocolate, black coffee, and flip flops when weather permits. She is a lover of Pinterest and truly believes in integrating ideas and inspiration - big or small - into normal life. Meg lives in Denver, Colorado with her husband, Dustin and son, Julian. Meg writes about photography, family, and creative inspiration at megbrothers.com. Find her on Pinterest here and on Twitter here. 

***

Note from Liz: Over here in my corner, I'm trying to "use Pinterest for good." I really see it as a community of people trying to see the beauty and possibility in their lives. I'm adding a few new features here on my blog inspired by or directly about Pinterest as a way to invite others to look for this beauty within a social media community. Connect with me on Pinterest here. Read other "Pinned it. Did it." columns here.

permission granted

A few weeks ago, I snapped this photo and shared it on Instagram with these words: Permission to "sit on the floor of the kitchen and drink a cider and read while lasagna cooks and your family watches videos of the cast of Frozen singing in the other room" granted.

Such a simple self-care move to help me find my way back to myself. 

And capturing this moment with my phone + writing down a few words becomes evidence of how I'm finding my way.

Your homework: Get into the picture this week + give yourself permission to take care of you.

Yes.

*****

In my book Inner Excavation: Explore Your Self Through Photography, Poetry, and Mixed Media, I gathered up many of my favorite ways to unearth pieces of our stories using the mediums of poetry, photography, and mixed media.

Through the prompts and examples in this book, you will be inspired to take photos of the everyday beauty around you (and even turn the camera on yourself), find the poet inside you, play with the art supplies you probably already have in your home, and take time to seek stillness in your daily life.

It's available right here in my shop.

love this :: ellie's current favorites (march)

I asked Ellie if she would share some of her current favorite things on my blog. Here's the list she gave me:

Sneaky, Snacky Squirrel Game!: This game is awesome! It is great for fine motor skills + everyone has a chance to win, which means we all get to learn about being a kind winner and what it feels like not to win. Ellie says, "I like when you get a storm and all the acorns blow away." 

Ellie says that The Very Hungry Caterpillar Puzzle is her current favorite because it comes in a box you can easily carry. She just about has the book memorized and loves reading it to herself. Puzzles have been a favorite for about a year now. 

Melissa & Doug's Pattern Blocks are a favorite during evening quiet time (something we are doing after bath time to ease into bedtime). Ellie has fun choosing which animals and colors - sometimes matching, sometimes going for the rainbow look. Listening to her commentary is always a treat.

Ellie and her Daddy love reading Ladybug magazine. It's for ages 3-6. It contains a variety of different mediums - poetry, art, and short stories, and it has recurring characters that they can follow from issue to issue. I love that it gives them something special to do together. It's also available in digital format, which would be awesome for traveling. They also enjoy reading Disney Junior magazine.

Ellie also wants me to tell you that she loves her Elmo nightlight. It came in handy when we almost lost power a few weeks ago. It was early evening and the light were flickering every now and then for about thirty minutes. Ellie kept it close to her so she could turn it on right away if the lights went off. She's still talking about how "prepared" we were if the power went out.

A little more about the evening quiet time: Around Thanksgiving, we found ourselves neck deep in the "I don't want to go to bed" excuses. For weeks we tried different things. It got really intense. One day last month I asked myself, "When I look back on this six months from now, what do I want to remember?" It was a take on my word of the year practice, thinking about how I would hope this time would look like if I came at it from even more love.

As I thought about this question, I had this vision of Ellie and I sitting in my bed. Me reading. Her looking at books or playing quietly with stickers. I realized that this time could be more about just being quiet together, letting the day fall away as we eased into bedtime. I could let go of "if you are a good mom, then your three year old should be in bed by this time or she will be exhausted and not thrive and her brain won't grow like it is supposed to" and all the other crap that gets piled up on a parent trying to do the best she can.

So we're trying quiet time. Sometimes it happens at her little white table or on the couch or next to me in bed. I'm letting go of the pattern of what the evening used to look like and letting this new way be okay. I'm listening to what I know and remembering how this serves me, us, again and again.

Note: Some of the links above are affiliate links, which means I receive a small commision when you purchase something from the linked website.

come along to hand to heart

Beautiful Soul,
This is your invitation to say:
Yes to seeing the beauty in the simple moments
Yes to kindreds circling
Yes to showing up as you
Yes to magic found in the stillness
Yes to dance parties + poetry + mugs of tea
Yes to feeling the joy and the grief
Yes to opening up to love again and again...
Yes to all of it

Hand to Heart is a soft space for you to land daily as you listen to the wisdom within you and practice what you know. When you join, you become a member of an ongoing community of kindred women who will be exploring a new soul care practice and theme each month. These practices will light the way as we find the YES in our beautiful, messy lives. 

Some of the themes and practices we'll explore over the next few months include:

• Creating space within through accessible being-present practices that will help you find your breath, sink into your body, and quiet your mind. 
 
• Creating sacred space within our homes through gathering the treasures, inspirations, and words that speak to where we are on our journeys. We will look at ways to create small altar spaces to honor who we are, where we have been, and where we want to walk next on our paths.
 
• Creating space for ourselves throughout our days by seeking the beauty in the everyday, connection with kindreds, journaling through photography and writing and even putting color to the page, poeming it out, getting out into the world for short creative adventures, and using our cameras to capture who we are through self-portraiture.

We’ll begin with diving deeper into a few of the practices found in my “Yes, This” program, exploring them for a month at a time instead of just a day. In March, we'll pause to find the stillness each day as we take five deep breaths (including capturing that stillness through our cameras) and look at how this practice can ground us and give us the space to reboot in the middle of our day.

Your monthly membership includes:

Practice Notes: A PDF at the beginning of the month with guidance and inspiration about that month’s practice. This might include stories, an audio meditation, printables, worksheets, and so on. There will also be 1-3 additional emails per month with encouragement and love from me to you right in your inbox.

Monthly Spreecasts: In monthly video chats on Spreecast, I’ll share stories and thoughts around the month’s practice and other ideas we’ve been focusing on in our Facebook group. You’ll have the opportunity to ask me questions and connect with others using the chat feature. You’ll also be able to submit questions ahead of time and watch the Spreecast later if you aren’t able to join in live.

Monthly story releasing ceremony: Once a month, I’ll send out a love letter via email with an invitation to reply with a story or words that you need someone to hold space for. I’ll gather up the stories sent and through a small ceremony release the stories into the Pacific Northwest woods.

A private Facebook group that will include:

• Connection with like-minded souls seeking the Yes in their days.
• A “thought of the day” from me each weekday morning (which will be posted when I'm drinking my morning coffee here in the Pacific Northwest on PST). These will be invitations, reminders, inspiration, and quotes that will set the tone for the day and invite us to be present in our corners of the world. 
• Discussions about how we integrate these practices into our day-to-day lives and stories about the ways I do this in my corner of the world. 
• Safe space to check-in and honestly answer the question, "How are you in your corner of the world?"
• Weekly Poem It Out Thursdays: A day devoted to poetry each week where I’ll share a poem for you to explore + ask you to share your own favorites. Once a month there will also be a poetry/writing prompt inviting you to put pen to paper.
• Moderation Monday-Friday each week
• And so much joy and magic that will come from the synergy of all of us gathered together!

Other good things: You will be the first to know about my future offers, there will be shop discounts just for you, and so many other beautiful goodies that will reveal themselves as Hand to Heart grows and teaches all of us.

By becoming a member of Hand to Heart, you will receive ongoing connection from me as your guide and from a circle of like-minded souls. I truly believe that this is the group you've been waiting for. 

Membership: Introductory price of $39 a month

Learn more, read the FAQ, and become a member right here. 

love this :: everyday outfits (february

 

A few good things that have been part of my daily uniform over here:

1. I've been wanting something like this Caslon top from Nordstrom all winter. I'm layering it with a long-sleeve t-shirt underneath. It hits me a little lower on my hips, and it runs big. I bought a large.

2. For the last few years, I've been wearing one version or another of these long-sleeve tees from Target. They wash well and are perfect for layering.

3. I've been wearing these Uggs for the last three winters. I work from home and wear them almost daily. No they aren't the most feminine shoes around, but I love them. They are super warm and have a surprising amount of support for my foot. And the lining is starting to wear out just a bit. So I decided to get these (pictured above). And my winter toes are now very happy as I hammer in the studio.

4. This Lands End vest is awesome. I have it in this green color, which reminds me of Spring, and as the rain rain rain comes down down down over here that is always a good thing. It is on sale for more than 50% off right now (only $19.99). Love how flattering the cut is. I'm actually temtped to get one in another color, but I'm pushing myself to be honest that I just need one puffer vest.

5. The Prairie Hoodie from Prairie Underground. After loving my friend Vivienne's Prairie Underground hoodies for years, I got one for Christmas this year. I love it. It is like a sweatshirt coat you can dress up or down. And it isn't so thick that you can't wear it as a sweater layer, but it also is substantial enough to be able to wear as a coat part of the year (especially here in the Pacific Northwest). If you have a Hot Mama store near you, they carry several styles. And their store is kind of awesome in that it was created with the idea that moms should be able to have fun shopping even with a baby or toddler in tow (i.e. plenty of room to push a stroller around plus take it in the dressing room with you plus they have toys and a play area). Note about sizing: I tend to be a 16 and am able to wear the L size in this style. Whenever I buy another one, I'm going to get an XL just to have a bit more room for layering underneath for a different look. (Shop Adorn in Portland carries several styles and sizes online here.) UPDATE: Looks like Hot Mama doesn't exist anymore. You can find this hoodie and similar styles at Adorn, one of my favorite stores in PDX.

(Not pictured) I keep meaning to write a post about these tanks. They aren't really shapewear but they do help smooth out that little adorable pooch right above my waist, which makes my t-shirts fit so much better. But they don't make you feel like you can't eat while you're wearing them. I have several colors because they are that awesome. And when you wear jeans, tuck them in so they stay put and keep you looking "smooth." If you want something a bit more like shapewear, try these. Also awesome. 

Quick note: Some links are affiliates, which means I receive a small commission when you purchase from that online store.

one breath. one step. yes.

My mom's coming to visit this week, and tonight, as I found myself scrubbing the bathroom floor, I thought back to these words I wrote about two years ago. I pulled them out again because I needed to re-read them.

I thought you might need them too.

*****

The Buddha says,
"Praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and sorrow come and go like the wind.
To be happy, rest like a giant tree in the midst of them all." 

I was kneeling next to the bathtub scrubbing the tub like it hadn’t been scrubbed in a long time. And the truth is, I couldn’t remember the last time I had really scrubbed it. With each thrust of my arm, all I could think was, “This is never going to get done…I am so so tired.” Feelings were stacking on top of each other as I realized that even this “cuts through years of soap scum” cleaner wasn’t working.

When my daughter Ellie Jane was born, we turned the guest room into her room, which means that when my mom and step-dad visit us, they usually stay at a hotel. But this trip, my mom was coming alone and sleeping on our pullout sofa. So this time, my need to get the bathtub clean was at an all-time high as she was due to arrive the next day. 

But it wasn’t getting clean.

I moved on to the tile on the sides of the shower hoping at least they would find their way to sparkle. Standing in the shower, I used all the elbow grease I had in me to move that green scrub sponge back and forth, up and down. The results were slow. 

Next, I began to concentrate on one tile. It took longer than I want to admit to get that one tile sparkling, but finally it was white again.

Then I moved on to the next one. 

After about six were clean, I was almost in tears because the arms attached to this not-so-much-in-shape body hurt so much. And my mind was swirling with the to-do list I needed to complete before my daughter woke up from her nap.

So I stopped and stood there staring at the handful of sparkling white tiles next to the not-so-white-cloaked-in-soap-scum tiles thinking about how it would take me hours to finish this. As I tried the breathe in the midst of the strong smell from the cleaner that hadn’t worked, I could hear a voice wiser than me, yet from within me, say, “One tile at a time baby girl.”

So I started to clean again. As I began to find the rhythm with my sponge, my mind turned with thoughts of “How could I let the shower get this dirty?” and “Why didn’t I just clean more often?” and “How do I get anything done around here?” and “Shouldn’t someone in her mid-thirties have a cleaner house than mine?” and on and on. After another tile was clean, I stopped at this thought, “Whose expectations are these really?”

My mother doesn’t have the expectation that I will spend five hours of my life scrubbing my shower before she arrives. I know she would rather I spend those five hours resting and laughing and getting to the park with Ellie and enjoying dinner with my family.

And there was the lesson again: My swirling mind was creating expectations and guilt and ideas of how things should be instead of being present to how things are and I want them to be.

So I listened to this wiser me and came up with a plan: Every time I shower, I scrub one tile until it sparkles. 

And even thought it might take me all summer to get that shower sparkling, I am getting it done at my pace.

As I write these words, it seems so simple, this story about how scrubbing a shower reduced me to tears but then reminded me of how I want to live. I want to be right here in this moment instead of rushing ahead to imagined expectations that do not serve me. 

Today, maybe you are finding yourself rushing ahead or making assumptions or creating a to-do list that isn’t serving you or thinking you are supposed to somehow do it all. 

Maybe instead of doing all of that swirling, we could just be right here together: one tile, one step, one breath at a time.

*****

I want to invite you to my new community of kindred spirits gathering to seek the "YES" in our beautiful, sometimes messy lives. Hand to Heart is a soft place to land each day as you listen to the wisdom within you and open up your heart a bit more with each breath. We'll be exploring new soul care and being present practices each month along with poetry, chats over tea, and even a dance party of two. 

For the rest of the year, this community will be where you'll find me if you want to work with me online. I don't plan to offer traditional ecourses in the same way I have in the past right now but will be pouring love and joy into this group and the practices we'll explore. If you want to connect with me and other kindreds daily in an online group setting, Hand to Heart is the offering for you. I hope you'll come along.

a few more than five (really) good things

 

The quote above feels like a good response to some of the thoughts stacking up in my head lately when I watch the news. Maybe you need it too. 

Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks on Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee with Jerry Seinfeld = perfection.

"Some instructions before you write" from Heather Platt is a really good read. 

This love letter Pace has written to seekers, The 11 Most Dangerous Myths about Finding Your Path, is free and awesome.

One of my favorite programs out there about embracing all pieces of yourself as a path to joy is Alana Sheeren's Shine. It starts next Friday.

Love Vivienne's tips for getting through the winter without ditching your self-portrait practice.

This was my favorite find on Pinterest this week. And this is an old favorite I came across again.

It is possible that I'm on book five of the Vampire Academy series. Maybe. (And oh my gosh the ending of book three was shocking!)

This might have been the Valentine's Day card I gave Jon. He laughed out loud.

And the turquoise feather love necklace is on sale in my shop this weekend...because I miss the blue sky the turquoise bead represents. It's 20% off through Monday right here.