circle of kindreds (a guest post with shawn fink)

So excited to share the next Circle of Kindreds guest post.  I love what Shawn Fink is up to in her corner of the world and am delighted to be a contributor to her Abundant Mama ecourse. Read on...

Recently, I asked my readers -- all mothers -- to share with me who they are in the margins of motherhood.

The responses blew me away. They wrote things like: 

• I'm a cook, sometimes a caterer, sometimes a borderline chef.
• I'm an "I'd rather make it than buy it" rebel inspired by Pinterest.
• I'm a color selection specialist for friends who are afraid to paint anything other than beige/ taupe/ creme.
• I'm a counselor for friends when it feels like something is about to break. I'm an instigator."
• I am a writer.  
• I am a huge animal lover.
• I am a former zookeeper.  And now I'm an aspiring vegan.  
• I am a daydreamer and a dabbler - cooking and photography and even painting are fun to play around with.
• I am also a musician.  I play flute but haven't in months because my toddler isn't a huge fan of it!  
• I'm an appreciator of simple things.  I'm a woman who's pretty happy being my nerdy introvert self.

But, there were others who didn't respond with such enthusiasm.

Instead, they responded with statements like these:

I don't know who I am.

I've lost myself.

I am not sure about anything about myself anymore.

I don't have time to focus on myself or my dreams.

And, here's what I told them in response.

You haven't lost yourself.

You've just lost the ability to focus on yourself 100 percent like you used to be able to do before other things -- children, jobs, life -- became so demanding.

You've just grown up. You're not that little girl sitting on the wall dangling her feet daydreaming the day away anymore.

You're spinning. You're faced with worries. You're full of fear. You're caring about everyone else but yourself. In fact, at the end of the day, you can't think of more than one thing you did just for yourself.

If we're not careful, we'll lose our sparkle during all that care taking and worrying and fearing of making mistakes.

And, when we live in that "less than" state of mind, we're not happy, which means we're not at peace. And when we aren't feeling at peace with ourselves or our life, there's a very good chance our children aren't feeling at peace either.

I don't want that to happen to you.

The only way to get back to yourself -- or to find the new you -- is to start where you are right now.

That might be doing the dishes. Or scanning Facebook, again.

You might not have time for anything extra in the margins of motherhood just yet.

And that's OK.

But, if you really want that sparkle back, you have to work for it. You have to find the time. You have to carve out the space. You have to make YOU a top priority.

Time has to become your friend not your enemy. Use every single precious moment to your advantage to create a feeling of peace and being enough.

That's when you'll start to see the abundance in your life.

For now, though, please know that the real YOU is still inside that body that feels so overwhelmed with parenting and working and housekeeping.

Your dreams are alive and shining inside of you.

And your time will come, and it will probably be very soon.

*****

Shawn Fink is the author of The Playful Family and the Thinking Mama behind Awesomely Awake, a blog encouraging families to find their happy place. She is a peace and kindness spreader and offers various e-courses, including The Abundant Mama Project that guides mamas in creating their own daily gratitude practice.  You can follow Shawn on her Blog or find her on Pinterest, Facebook and Twitter. 

The Abundant Mama Project is a 5-week e-course experience that guides you through a self-discovery journey to figure out who you are now that you are a mother and what really is the most important things in your life. For five weeks, we take self-care time to do journaling prompts, real-life gratitude challenges and connect with a wonderful, supportive tribe of like-minded Mamas around the world who share the same stories of struggle, transformation and triumph. And now, you can also join the Abundant Mama Peace Circle, which extends the course in a weekly e-mail for the rest of 2013. 

Quick note from Liz: I'm an affiliate for Shawn's Abundant Mama ecourse and Peace Circle because I really think they are going to be fantastic and a beautiful opportunity to connect with other mamas. 

a gratitude invitation

Take a deep breath and answer this question.

Maybe go with the first things that pops into your mind.

Or sit down and make a list.

Or even do a little dance of gratitude for the beauty of being here in this moment, breathing, living.

Even if you are having "one of those" days (perhaps especially if you are), let yourself be filled with gratitude in this moment.

And I'd love it so much if you would share at least one thing you're grateful for in the comments.

It is okay if it is small (blue sky was the reason I took this photo)...and it is okay if it is simple (as I write this, I am really thankful for raisin toast and my friends)...and it is also okay if it is something huge. And if you dance, let us know what song is helping you get your gratitude groove on.

I'm so grateful to you for being here and sharing your stories. Yes.

Happy weekend,

Liz

PS And if you can't tap into gratitude right now (and honey, I have been there), trust that feeling this way is okay. You aren't alone in it. Think about what you most need and try to move from that place. And if you have three minutes, watch this pep talk from Kid President. I think he might have a superpower that helps move people to a place of joy, which is something to be really grateful for.

PPS To receive little reminders and love notes like this one in your inbox, sign up to receive my (almost) weekly newsletter here.

pinned it. did it. {with liz}

Ellie and I made banana bread this weekend, and I loved it so much I knew I had to come and tell you all about it and add my own "Pinned It. Did It." column this week. (Meg will be back with another one next week. Read past columns here.)

Ellie is a bit obsessed with making banana bread. At some point last spring, we made some from a mix and now she tells me about every three weeks, "I think it's time to make more banana bread." And we do. But often from a mix while changing things up (like using peanut oil or adding our own bananas etc).

But in my quest to do things a wee bit healthier around here and cook from scratch more, I went to Pinterest to find a recipe.

my "sweet things" pinboard 
(thinking I might want this from Pottery Barn as I do more Pinterest-inspired cooking)

But first I got very distracted by this. (Because wouldn't you?)

And then refocused on bread and found this recipe: Cinnamon Swirl Banana Bread

This one was also a contender: Chocolate Chip Banana Bread

But the idea of swirling cinnamon won out, so I went with that first one. We followed the recipe but I also added 1 cup of chocolate chips.

Here's a glimpse into our adventure. One thing I love about baking is that, overall, it is often "toddler helper" friendly.

Clearly sampling the chocolate chips is a very good idea.

We used the Kitchenaid Mixer with paddle attachment for this recipe, being careful not to overmix the flour and baking soda. I like the way it mashed the bananas so well. And Ellie liked turning it off and on. But the batter photos were not appetizing, so I skipped those for this cute blue bowl filled with cinnamon sugar photo below.

Ellie wanted to try little tiny tastes of everything. She wasn't too fond of the flour (as predicted) but the cinnamon and sugar was a hit. After we mixed everything together, we stirred in the chocolate chips, and then it was time for the cinnamon + sugar mixture. Ellie was able to easily stir them together and then add 1/2 of it on top of 1/2 the batter, which became the middle of the loaf, and then the other half on the top of all the batter.

Next time I make this bread, here is what I will do differently: I would put about three-fourths of the cinnamon + sugar mixture into the middle of the bread. We put in about 1/2 (as Ellie is doing above), but this meant that we put a lot on the top. And all of it didn't absorb (as you can see in the top photo of this post). So we had that "too much cinnamon sugar on your cinnamon toast effect," and when I flipped it out of the pan, it went everywhere. BUT it did make a crust that was so darn yummy. I would also add only 2/3 (or even 1/2) cup of chocolate chips next time.

And, I learned that the melted chocolate chips plus all that cinnamon goodness on the top and inside made it harder to tell when the bread was done using the toothpick method. So I used the impromptu "might as well put a whole knife tip in there and see if it comes out clean" method, which was surprisingly effective.

It was so good. Like the best. Like you should take it to every party where you need to bring something because oh my goodness it is easy and people are going to love it.

This bread will be heavy in rotation now whenever bananas are starting to "go bad." I'd like to explore adding some new kinds of flours (like oat flour), but that is a whole new adventure and I'm still finding my map for that one.

One thing I know for sure: Pinterest is helping me get excited about cooking more. And now that it is cooling off in the afternoons, I'm starting to actually cook instead of just pin ideas. So stay tuned for more stories from the kitchen.

*****

A quick note about Pinterest: Over here in my corner, I'm one of the top 50 pinners in the world (seriously) and I'm trying to "use Pinterest for good." I really see it as a community of people trying to see the beauty and possibility in their lives. I'm adding a few new features here on my blog inspired by or directly about Pinterest as a way to invite others to look for this beauty within a social media community. I look forward to seeing how it all unfolds. Connect with me on Pinterest here. Read other "Pinned it. Did it." columns here.

i want to remember

I want to remember:

The sound of your laughter as we ran toward the water together.

The way you danced, singing to yourself as you picked up sand and felt the texture between your fingers.

Your excitement when we both walked ankle deep into the water in our rain boots so we could "wait for the waves."

The feel of your hands taking mine each time you were convinced "a big one is coming this time Mama."

The neverending giggles when the water went all the way down into your boots and how you were delighted that your socks were soaked.

The moment when I remembered you've been off of your heart medication for a year now.

The way you would run to Daddy and Millie to update them on how big the waves were and how funny it was when that HUGE one even got my pants wet.

The gentle kindness you showed Millie as you shared the backseat during our long drive to and from the coast.

The way you chatted during our entire picnic that we ate tucked into the back of the car, watching the waves and feeding carrots to Millie.

The truth that even in the midst of the stuff that is hard, life really is this beautiful. 

keeping our hearts open

Variations on these words, "keeping our hearts open will heal us," have tapping on me this week. I can't stop thinking about how our hearts crack and mend, and how the mending comes when we let ourselves really live.

I've been thinking about this idea so much that I felt moved to make a little video and tell you a story about a poem I wrote about this idea and to share more about why I believe this is true.

The poem is from my poetry collection Five Days in April, which you can find in my shop.

To receive little reminders and love notes like this one in your inbox, sign up to receive my (almost) weekly newsletter here.

pinned it. did it. {with meg}

So excited about today's Pinned It. Did It. post from Meg. Quick, easy to do smart ideas that you just might need. Love using Pinterest to find ideas like this.

Read on for Meg's post...

*****

It’s been a few months now since Liz and I started to really focus on using Pinterest for good, and I’ve been thinking about how sometimes Pinterest can feel overwhelming. I often hear people say that Pinterest makes them feel inadequate or like they aren’t doing enough. But I think the beauty of Pinterest lies in the ability to tuck ideas away for the right time when there is a project that I’m ready to tackle or the recipe I have been meaning to try. I like to look at it through the lens of each idea, recipe, pin as a bonus. Something I can add to the life I am already living. Sometimes those are big things like tutorials for making a new headboard or reorganizing entire rooms of the house. But sometimes they are small little things that just fit into the category of “smart ideas.” Not everything on Pinterest has to be a big production or needs its own tutorial.

Here are a few simple “smart ideas” I’ve recently tried from my pins.  

Instantly hang a second curtain panel behind existing rods with a bungee cord  

I tried this a couple of weeks ago after I made new curtains for my son’s room. They were not as light-blocking as I’d hoped they’d be so I bought two bungee cords and hung the previous tan ones behind the new polka dot ones to help block out more light. This idea is brilliant. It was literally a $3 solution to my curtain problems. The second curtains were hung in about 5 minutes. I purchased a 2 pack of bungee cords at Target and I would say that the only draw-back to this solution was that I hadn’t thought about the bungee cords showing when the curtains are open. So when I pull them open, you can see the green bungee cords. It doesn’t bother me much but if I use this trick anywhere else in my home, I’ll spend the extra money for the black bungee cords that will be less noticeable.

 

Cover a letter with an old map (or sheet music or comic books or...)

We traveled to Ireland a year ago in May and I’ve had our map laying around ever since. It’s the actual map we used while driving through the narrow streets on the wrong side of the road and in the wrong side of the car so needless to say - it has a little sentimental value to us. I decided to try covering our last name initial with the map so we could display it on our mantle. I purchased the cardboard letter “B” from Joann Fabric for about $3 and used Mod Podge to glue it on. I managed to get all of our important stops somewhere on the front or back of the letter. I had to get creative and piece together bits of the map for the insides of the hole but this ended up being about a 30-minute project. I am so happy to look up and see that memory displayed on our mantle. And it’s fun when people pull it down and ask us about our trip. I love preserving memories through those stories over and over again. 

Hem your pants and keep the original hem

This is brilliant. I am 5’ 3” and I end up needing to hem nearly every pair of pants I purchase. It was never the same to try to recreate a hem line because it always looked homemade. Now, with this super simple way of hemming pants, I can finally keep the original hem. I have used this method for three pairs of pants now, and it’s nearly impossible to tell that the pants have even been hemmed when I am wearing them. I love that I can customize my wardrobe to be a more tailored fit now.   

Pool Noodle Car Door Guard

We bought a new car in April. The second day I had it, I opened the car door and hit the the cement garage wall and left a tiny little scratch on the door. I remembered seeing this pin on Pinterest and my husband installed our own pool noodles on the side wall of the garage the next day. Maybe they seem a little silly, but with a 2 year old, we’re in and out of the back doors a lot and it is so nice not to worry about the car doors scraping anymore. This was a $5 solution.  

Rubber Band Seam Allowances

The best thing I’ve ever done for sewing in a straight line, was adding rubber band seam allowances to my sewing machine (I used hair ties because rubber bands are few and far between in our house). A simple little addition to my machine and I now have very nice, straight seams on my sewing. It’s easy to adjust them for the project I’m doing. I also like that they are different colors so I can keep two seam allowances handy for any given project. Such an easy, simple idea.

I’m curious about how you’re using and liking Pinterest. Have you done any big projects or used any smart ideas lately? Link to it or tell us about it. I really enjoy hearing from you and how you’re using new ideas in your world. 

Meg Brothers is an artist, photographer, mama, and dreamer. She loves cooking, tattoos, and sporadic dance parties in the kitchen. She prefers dark chocolate, black coffee, and flip flops when weather permits. She is a lover of Pinterest and truly believes in integrating ideas and inspiration - big or small - into normal life. Meg lives in Denver, Colorado with her husband, Dustin and son, Julian. Meg writes about photography, family, and creative inspiration at megbrothers.com. Find her on Pinterest here and on Twitter here. 

***

Note from Liz: Over here in my corner, I'm trying to "use Pinterest for good." I really see it as a community of people trying to see the beauty and possibility in their lives. I'm adding a few new features here on my blog inspired by or directly about Pinterest as a way to invite others to look for this beauty within a social media community. I look forward to seeing how it all unfolds. Connect with me on Pinterest here. Read other "Pinned it. Did it." columns here.

over here

print/poster available at behappy 

Loving :: The above quote from Anne Sexton. I might actually be a bit obsessed with it. Some poetry folks considered her work to be "too confessional" and "too personal." I wonder how that criticism shaped her. I wonder how that kind of criticism shapes us all when we are holding our hearts out into the world and inviting others in. Hear her read her poem "Her Kind" on poets.org.

Reading :: I am in love with the Inspector Gamache series by Louise Penny. So thankful that Kyeli recommended it. I love a good mystery because it actually forces my mind to concentrate on just one thing and not multitask. I'm on Book 6 and it is my favorite so far. Louise Penny is writing more than mysteries here. Her way of describing her characters, how they move through the world, well, some paragraphs take my breath away. I should probably write a whole post about this soon. (Oh and Kyeli and I are going to reread the Harry Potter series this fall. And we're inviting you along just for fun. More details coming soon!) Also soaking up Louise Glück’s Poems.

Watching :: Continuum (interesting and kind of intense sci-fi show) and The Newsroom (which is in the midst of an odd season but I still love it. Aaron Sorkin's dialogue is one of my favorite ways to take a break and it helps ease my deep missing of The West Wing) 

Thinking about :: The Butler. Go and see it. Seriously good. 

Enjoying :: Cuddling in bed with Ellie in the mornings almost every day last week. I was trying to savor it before school began today. We are having some intense toddler moments over here sometimes, so these minutes of cuddles and giggles have been super sweet.

Dreaming about making :: A quilt like this one. These homemade poptarts. And these bracelets.

Planning :: Meals for the week. Inspired by the way Meg uses Pinterest for meal planning, I'm trying the "make a plan, go to the store and get the ingredients, and pin the menu to the corkboard in the kitchen" on Sunday method. Doing the same thing with "lunch/snack ideas" for me now that we're starting the back-to-school routine around here and I'll just have myself to think about during the day. (My biggest challenges are having trouble remembering what we have in the house and grabbing what I see for my lunch or grabbing anything when I remember to eat. And working all the way to Ellie's pick up time, not thinking about dinner, and having Jon pick up take-out on his way home. Maybe you know variations on these problems too. I think the plan is the only way to go.) Started a pinboard of "let's make dinner (for reals)" to differentiate the doable recipes from "this looks good and wow I'd love to make it but let's be real" recipes I sometimes pin.

Thinking I might need :: This mug. This t-shirt. This necklace. And these big sticky notes.

Working on :: A new collection of jewelry. I'm actually going to be changing up the shop quite a bit this fall. Sneak peeks appearing soon on Instagram. 

Gathering :: Good things for the fall retreat. Can't. Wait. (And yes, we do have just a few spots left.)

And how about you? What are you up to in your corner of the world? I'd love to know.

senses. dahlia garden.

{smell}

{see}

{hear}

{taste}

{touch}

{and know}

where: Dahlia and Rose Gardens, Point Defiance Park
when: August 18, 2013

For several years now, I've been using my senses as a creative writing and photography prompt. They are my favorite creative tool because they are always available and they connect me to this present moment right here. Finding my senses through my camera lens (or through words) helps me get out of my head and often anchors me and reminds me to notice the beauty around me. I also use it as a meditation. And I always try to include a sixth sense of "know" that represents what I know in this moment. 

You can read more about this practice in my book Inner Excavation: Explore Your Self Through Photography, Poetry, and Mixed Media. 

See past posts about the senses here. If you join in with your own senses practice, I'd love to hear about it.