living in an instagrammed world

One topic I want to talk about more when I circle with women this year is how we move through the world now that social media is part of our everyday lives. We are at the forefront of figuring this out with little to no trail behind us to help us navigate. I believe that we will find our way by having conversations about it all, while also sitting in the quiet and listening to what is best for each of us.

I've talked a little about this from the perspective of how we live an entire world outside of our Facebook statuses and I often bring up the truth that we never really know the full story when we see snippets of someone's day online. I also think we fill in the blanks with our own assumptions, which is something I tend to do when I am pretty depleted and not practicing self-care. I can go from cheering on a friend or colleague on Facebook one day to feeling jealous or "not enough" when seeing a similar status the next day.

Today, I want to tell the story of this photo of Ellie that I Instagrammed last Friday. It was taken in the middle of our messy family room during our Friday evening "movie night" while we had picnic on the pullout sofa. One of her new favorite things is looking through my poetry books and pretending to "read" them. She sometimes just turns the pages quickly, and other times she reads the letters out loud or makes up her own words. 

When I put this photo up on Instagram, I wrote: She's been "reading" my books lately. Tonight it's Elizabeth Bishop's poetry. "I'm reading Poet Trees Mama!!!" And she's pointing out the question marks and tiddles. #notkidding #tiddleisthedotabovethei

After I posted it, I had a tiny nagging feeling that it might read like I was boasting about my brilliant daughter.

But if you jumped to that assumption, you would be missing a lot of pieces of our story: Ellie Jane didn't start saying any words until she started pre-school last fall. She was 2 years and 4 months old when she started using about 15-20 words to communicate. 

Everywhere you go as a new parent, they tell you "Two year olds should have 50 words when they turn two or you should be worried." When she said about two words at almost two (and we felt like we had evidence of her regressing since she seemed to have more words at 18 months), I took her to a speech therapist. She didn't think anything was "wrong" but was concerned about Ellie not having any words based on how clearly she seemed to understand. When I played the "speech therapy homework" games with Ellie, she would look at me like, "Have you lost your mind? This is bizarre. Talk to me like you usually do please." Or she would start laughing. I'm not kidding.

So I just went with my intuition and we didn't return for a third visit to the therapist and I stopped doing the games. Most days last summer were about trying not to get as frustrated as she was. And then she went to school and we quickly went from single words to three words together to full stories in just a few weeks. 

But there were several months there when she didn't say anything and we couldn't help but wonder if we were finally seeing the potential long-term effects of her heart problems. 

And each day I stand in the gratitude that this doesn't seem to be the case.

But here is the piece I really want you to hear today: Over the last three years, I've seldom shared Ellie's newest milestone, especially in short snippets on social media, because I've thought about all the moms out there who would give anything for their child to talk or run or clearly express emotions.

Because I was that mom for the first two years of Ellie's life. Willing her to gain weight. Hoping I was making the right choices. Feeding her things like chicken nuggets and milk shakes and not wanting you to know because I didn't want to be judged. Trying not to burst into tears each time another mom posted a photo of her baby's adorably kissable chunky thighs that Ellie would never have because she was always at less than 5% for weight because of her heart problems. (If you are new to this space, it is helpful to know that our daughter had open-heart surgery at four months old and was on medication for a separate heart issue for the first two years of her life.)

I didn't want to invite other moms to feel like I did in those moments when I wished we could just have a "normal" experience.

And along the way this spilled over into other areas of my life. I don't often share the celebrations about my business because I worry about the jealousy that can seem to be really present sometimes in our creative community. Or I worry that someone will begin to assume we are somehow rolling in money over here because one of my retreats sells out, when that person has no idea of what our financial situation is because those details are too personal for a blog or Facebook status. 

I've even noticed myself not wanting to share the details of a really happy moment because I'm trying to be responsible for other people's feelings instead of letting them take care of themselves. I tend to share these moments like this Facebook status from a few weeks ago: This update could just say: homemade pizza in the oven, folk music in the air, Ellie and Jonny chatting and playing at the table. But those words would not convey how darn hard it is to be a parent and partner sometimes. Trying to just really notice when the beauty sneaks in amidst the everyday chaos.

It is important to note that I haven't felt like I've been stifling my stories. I share stories here and on Instagram every day. But, these pieces are still a part of my journey with social media and I think it is helpful to know that someone like me who shares a lot each day feels this way too.

And it isn't as though I think we shouldn't share the celebrations. Do I want mamas of healthy babies not to post their happy photos? NO! I want to see those happy chubby babies in my Instagram feed. Do I mean that I don't want my friends to celebrate their businesses and lives. NO! I am actually saying the opposite here.

But I think we need to have conversations about how to navigate all of this.

As I think about my experiences with social media during the last few years, and even the last few months, I've come to these three beliefs that I'm continually looking at:

1) We have to be able to find our way in telling the truths of our own stories (from the big truths to the every day little stories) while being mindful of others who will be reading them in the middle of their day. Pausing before posting and just thinking about it all feels like one way to navigate this "instant sharing" many of us do daily. Maybe beginning to to integrate more kindness, toward ourselves and others, before we click "share" is a place to begin. 

2) We need to begin to notice if we are actually experiencing the beauty of our lives while documenting it. Taking time to notice if I'm sharing details more than experiencing my life gives me clues about how I'm using social media. Can I really be experiencing a gorgeous day with friends if I'm spending half the time letting my Instagram buddies know every detail? Am I listening to my child tell a story if I'm interupting to say, "Wait, I just really want everyone to see how cute you look right now?" Only I know the answer to these and similar questions. 

3) And then I think we have to be responsible for the way we navigate other people's stories. Maybe this means checking in more to see if this is really the right moment to check Facebook. Maybe this means going outside and taking five deep breaths when you notice yourself doing the "Check email. Check Facebook. Check Twitter. Check Pinterest. Check Instagram. Check other email. Repeat." dance on your phone. Maybe this means putting up a sticky note next to your laptop that says, "We all have a story." Or "Are you in the right space to respond to this?" Or simply "Check yourself." We talk about how teenagers are wasting time on social media or hurting one another and themselves, when we are doing this too...perhaps in different ways, but it is there. 

These are the conversations I want to have and I hope you will join me. Let's come from a place of truth and love and an openness to understanding as we find our way together. I'm interested in hearing your thoughts just as I hope you will be open to mine.

Thanks for reading and being out there sharing your stories and walking beside me.

Blessings,
Liz 

three. (yes, three.)

And just like that, she's three.

Over here, I'm going to sit in the quiet for a few more minutes tonight and let myself just own the big "wow" of getting to this moment...to this birthday...with no heart medication for almost 10 months...a healed heart (hers)...and a mending heart (mine). 

Yes.

you are worthy.

This morning, as I walked down the hall to the kitchen to have that first sip of coffee...after Ellie and Jon were off to school and I had finished replying to emails while in bed, something I do some mornings after she is dressed with her lunchbox full and out the door with her daddy...these words from Brian Andreas floated through the air from a corner of my mind.

There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling rain & remember it is enough to be taken care of by myself.

Brian Andreas, storypeople.com

The rolodex of memories that is sometimes a bit creaky these days turned to the first time I read that print at a little shop in Berea, Kentucky years ago. I was driving to my grandparents' house, South Bend, Indiana to Spartanburg, South Carolina, all by myself in my early 20s. It was the morning after I'd spent the night at a hotel in a town near Berea hoping that the boy I was friends with in high school would meet up with me and finally act on the feelings he'd told me he had for me senior year. I can hear my younger self wishing for him to show up with all her might. 

He didn't. 

The little shop in Berea was called Churchill Handweavers. When I was younger, my mom, my brother, and I would drive from South Bend to Spartanburg to visit my grandparents at least once often twice a year. And we would stop at Churchill Handweavers each time. They made blankets and you could tour the factory and see all these women handweaving blankets on huge looms.

When I was really little, I carried my "pink blanket" (that was its name) from Churchill Handweavers everywhere until it became so small that there was almost nothing left. I have the second "pink blanket" tucked away in Ellie's room. It was the one my mom got me as a backup for the day when "pink blanket" needed to move on.

The morning after the friend from high school did not show up to say, "Yes, I'm still in love with you," I stood in Churchill Handweavers reading through Brian Andreas prints, the shop cat "Charlie" brushing against my leg every now and then.

This was the same spot where my mom and I had stood a couple of years earlier just after my parents decided to divorce. It was the first time we'd found Storypeople. We looked through the prints for a very long time, our hearts broken in different ways yet side-by-side. We bought all the books available at that time and several prints and I can remember even in this moment the tangible feeling that some people really did think it was okay to write about the heartbreak of life in beautiful ways.

I read the stories out loud in the car for the next hour or two. My brother must have been playing his Gameboy in the backseat, headphones on, thinking the thoughts that only a 13-year-old boy can think when in the midst of divorce and a family's grief.

And even though all our pain was different and messy and often unspoken, in the midst of the laughter and gasps of recognition and tears these little stories read aloud provided, I felt a connection to my mother and believed that she understood things in ways I hoped she did. (The thoughts of a college freshman unsure if her parents could "get her").

A few years later, when I read those words about remembering "it is enough to be taken care of by myself," I decided to buy a big purple hand-woven blanket in that little shop in Berea, Kentucky. My grown-up "pink blanket" purchased with my own money. I wore it around my shoulders for the six-hour drive to Spartanburg, running my fingers through the fringe and singing George Strait songs on repeat as loud as I wanted.

During that drive, the blanket went from feeling like a cloak of protection that was holding my heart to a superhero cape of knowing I was enough even if this boy from high school never loved me.

I wrote pieces of this story to a friend in an email a few months ago, on a day when she needed someone to remind her that she is so very worthy of all that is to come in her life, that she can face whatever is to come with an open heart and still be rooted in what she knows because everything has led to this moment. I finished the story with these words:

That purple blanket is the blanket that is on my lap right now as I type this. And it is with the love and enoughness and worthiness and kindness that all of that story and this life to this moment holds that I am hugging you from over here and gently but clearly saying, "You are worthy. You got this. I am so proud of you."

As I sit here in my little house this morning with my cup of warm coffee in my hand and my purple blanket tucked around me, I'm giving myself the gift of believing these words, "You are worthy. You got this. I am so proud of you."

Maybe you need this reminder too today. Tuck it into your heart.

All of the moments before this one bring you to right here, to this moment where you can make a choice to believe: You are worthy. You got this. You can be so proud of yourself today.

Yes.

(I am so grateful to Brian Andreas for his words and art and the way he tells the true stories. If you aren't familiar with Storypeople, I'm a bit envious of you in this moment because your life is about to be changed. Head over here to read so many of his incredible stories.)

PS To receive little reminders and stories (a little shorter than this one) in your inbox, sign up to receive my (almost) weekly newsletter here.

a water your toddler mama soul FAQ

Water Your Toddler Mama Soul begins next Wednesday, and today I want to share a quick FAQ:

What does "deep dive into self-care" mean?

I have to admit that I've been worried this phrase might be overwhelming to some. To me, a deep dive is a commitment to practicing something with your whole heart. So for these 10 days, my hope is that the mamas coming along will bring their hearts open to practicing self-care each day to see what it really feels like. However, the practices won't be intense. Quite the opposite really. They will be accessible and will take about 10-20 minutes each day (longer if you want them to). We will be taking photos and writing and getting outside to just breathe. And we will be supporting each other along the way. Also, I will be available by email and in the Facebook group for questions and support.

Why 10 days?

As a toddler mama, I know what it feels like to not have time for myself. But this is what I know: When I don’t take time for myself I’m not able to be really present for my life, for the everyday, for the beauty and the hard stuff. And I want to be present for all of it. 

And every time I’ve taken an ecourse since my daughter was born, I’ve never ever finished. Not once. And I like ecourses a lot. I like the community and the emails of wisdom in my inbox and the practices shared...all of it. But I seldom work through 4, 5, or 8 weeks of content.

Water Your Toddler Mama Soul gives you immediate accessible practices to reconnect with yourself in the midst of all that a day with a toddler or two or three brings. It gets right to it and gently pushes you to take care of yourself starting right now.

These are the practices I use each day, and when the class ends, you will be able to begin again, use the prompts that most resonated, and turn to the emails as often as you need to as a reminder that you are not alone. 

Do I have to be creative?

This isn't a class about being a creative mama or being creative with your kids. I do use the phrase "creative self-care" because many of the tools I use (photography, writing, and even meditation) fall under that category. There will be daily photography prompts that will be used as a tool to see your world and yourself. I can imagine that we will share ideas for ways to be creative with our toddlers in the Facebook group and look forward to those conversations.

Is this a class about parenting or about advice for parenting a toddler?

Nope. This class is about self-care for mamas. In the Facebook group, there could be threads started about parenting where someone asks for some tips, but that is not a focus of this class or of the Facebook group.

Can you define toddler mama? What if I’m not a toddler mama but this class speaks to my mama soul?

If you think you are a toddler mama, then you probably are! This class will focus on toddler moms and what they experience having a child between 1ish-4ish. I’ve heard someone call the newborn year “the longest shortest time.” This class will explore accessible self-care practices to support toddler mamas getting through that next stage that I think feels like a true continuation of that longest shortest time but with walking + talking + unexpectedness each day and so on. 

If your child is younger than 1 or older than 4 and this class speaks to you, send me an email and we can chat about it.

Tell me more about the Facebook group.

One of the reasons I want to create this class with a Facebook group that carries on after the class ends is because I think toddler mamas need a safe space to go where they can share how intense and gorgeous and crazy and beautiful the day to day is, and they will be held by a group of women who nod and get it and say, “me too, me too” because they are right there in it each day as well.

I deeply appreciate the perspective of moms of older children and turn to them for support. But sometimes these moms say things like, “Hold on to every moment.” and “Don’t wish this time away.” When what we really need to hear are other toddler mamas saying, “I hear this. This part of being a mom is hard for me too. You aren’t alone. I know you love your child, but of course this is intense. You are okay.” and so many other things that I believe only another toddler mama can feel in her body in this moment simply because she is in it too.

This first group of Water Your Toddler Mama Soul participants will help me to shape this Facebook group, and I can’t wait to dive in together.  

If you have any questions, please just send them over. 

Learn more and register here.

pinned it. did it. {with meg}

 

Another Pinned It. Did It. guest post with Meg! Looking forward to making these for Ellie and Jon, and I think they will be perfect for the backyard summer picnics I'm dreaming about on a daily basis over here. Read on for Meg's column.

***

I think this is one of my favorite meals that I’ve made to-date via Pinterest. We happen to be a household with food sensitivities and often times, with that, comes elaborate recipes or ingredient lists. What I love about this recipe is that it would be easy to adapt to how you’d like it or need it. But I’m serious when I say that the way it’s written is quite delicious.

I have a son who will be 2 years old next month. He is a fantastic eater, which I am so thankful for. But he is still a toddler when it comes to wanting to feed himself or pick out his own snacks. When this was a hit with him, my husband, and a home run for me, it became one we make on a regular basis.

The ingredient list is manageable and I love a meal that I can put together and have cleaned up before it’s ready to eat. They also freeze well so it’s nice to have them in the freezer on occasion. 

I've served them with frozen corn warmed on the stove with green chiles and smoked paprika as well as frozen green beans sauteed with olive oil, lime juice, and garlic. Very simple side dishes but tasty and along the Tex Mex lines.  

Additional Side Dish Serving Suggestions: 

• Avocado and Romain Salad 
• Black Bean And Corn Salad 
• Summer Salad and Corn Chips 
• Grilled Coconut-Glazed Corn 

In the comments: Do you have a favorite meatball recipe you like? Tell us about it or link to it in the comments to share! 

Meg Brothers is an artist, photographer, mama, and dreamer. She loves cooking, tattoos, and sporadic dance parties in the kitchen. She prefers dark chocolate, black coffee, and flip flops when weather permits. She is a lover of Pinterest and truly believes in integrating ideas and inspiration - big or small - into normal life. Meg lives in Denver, Colorado with her husband, Dustin and son, Julian. Meg writes about photography, family, and creative inspiration at megbrothers.com. Find her on Pinterest here and on Twitter here. 

***

Note from Liz: Over here in my corner, I'm trying to "use Pinterest for good." I really see it as a community of people trying to see the beauty and possibility in their lives. I'm adding a few new features here on my blog inspired by or directly about Pinterest as a way to invite others to look for this beauty within a social media community. I look forward to seeing how it all unfolds. Connect with me on Pinterest here. Read other Pinned it. Did it. columns here.

creative fun with my (almost) three year old

 

Ellie and I have been diving into the world of crafty fun lately.

And before I tell you all about it, I want to confess something: Sometimes I really struggle with activities to do with her. She’s our only child, I haven’t been around a lot of other kids, and I’m not so much into reading parenting books (mostly because they didn't apply to us for the first two years because of her heart surgery and our experiences). So I don't have a list of "things an almost three year old should be doing each day" that I turn to when we are embarking on a day together.

That said, I’m continually being reminded by Ellie that trusting my intuition and listening to her is the best way to know what to do next. I share this to gently remind you I'm not an expert, but I do enjoy sharing what works for us because I know I'm not the only mom out there like me. 

Right now, Ellie is really interested in what I’m up to in my studio and says things like, “I want to make necklaces” and “Can we work in my art journal now?” and “I want to paint today!” Her curiosity gives us a lot to do in a day. And I'm able to really listen and follow her lead when I'm also taking care of my needs (translation: not skipping breakfast, not worrying about emails that need to be answered, letting go of the to-do list as much as possible, and so on).

Because I always appreciate lists of ideas from other parents, I thought I would share a few of the creative things we are really enjoying together.

1) Making necklaces: We made necklaces with big wooden beads for her grandmothers for Mother’s Day. And Ellie loved it! She was very clear on who would get what colors, and she had fun sorting the beads into colors and sizes. We used these wooden beads, string, and sorted them into something like this (which is what I use for my beads in my studio). She was very excited to be making necklaces like Mama. And my heart more than melted when she said, "We have to make one for you now Mama" after we finished the Mother's Day gifts. I'm wearing it almost daily around here.

2) Stickers: For several months, playing with stickers was all about piling them on top of each other. Just a big pile of stickers. But lately, she’s started getting into decorating her coloring pages. We have this reusable sticker book and it really helped her see that if she piles them, she doesn’t get to see them all (plus we can easily unpile them and they don't rip). I’ve also started having her help me use letter stickers to form words for labeling her toy storage and even for Project Life stuff.  

3) Painting: She’s been using watercolors for about a year, but she is just now really getting into how she can use the water in different ways to affect the way the colors look. We LOVE this easel from Ikea.

I want to get some tempura paint for her to use, and I realize most people probably don’t start their kids off with watercolors, but it’s working for us (as evidenced by the video above about our painting collaboration). 

4) Art journaling: She has a few different notebooks/journals that she plays in. When I called one of my Smash journals an art journal, she immediately began to call all her notebooks art journals too. I LOVE this!! We use: 

• One big inexpensive sketchbook full of thick paper for coloring, painting, and stickers. It is so fun to look through because Jon, Bonnie (our babysitter), and I have all played in it with Ellie, and I love how it gives such a snapshot of the last 10 months or so. There are notes from each of us next to Ellie’s drawings, “This is Millie,” “This painting is for Grandma Fina,” and so on. 
• A few little Moleskines that I can easily throw in my purse to give her something to color in when we are out and about (they are awesome on the plane and at restaurants).
• A Smash journal (I shared more about how we are using it in a guest post over at Alisa's blog).

5) Playing with the Instax mini: Last month, I started a new project where every now and then I bring the Instax mini with us on our adventures to the park and have Ellie take a few photos. She really loves to use it, and it becomes a bit of a lesson in detachment for me as I try not to control the moment and just let her play.  

As I've mentioned, I’m learning that explaining beforehand is a very good thing for her personality. So during the drive to the park, we talk about how we are going to take some photos and I remind her that she is borrowing my camera (we've been talking a lot of borrowing and sharing these days because there is a bit of "this is mine!" going on). We talk about how excited we are to watch the photos develop etc. Then as we walk, we talk about what we might want to take photos of. This way she is less likely to just grab the camera from me and yell at me as I say things like, “BUT wait! Let’s talk....hold on...okay there went two photos of the ground...” 

Going in, I have to just know that we are going to waste some film. But this feels okay to me because we are also going to get at least one awesome photo that she is going to feel excited about (though truth be told, she's excited about all of them). Last month, she took one of my favorite photos ever of my mom when she was visiting.

I'm thinking about using a Project Life mini album to document our Instax project and will share more as we find our way with this project. And one idea: If you are taking a few people on an Instax adventure, I suggest bringing a Sharpie along so you can quickly put initials on the back so everyone knows whose photo is whose.

Over on Pinterest, I have a board called "Creative Fun with EJ" where I'm collecting ideas, especially for things to do this summer when all three of us are home for several weeks together. 

In the Comments 

I’d love to hear about the crafty fun you are having with or without kids in your corner of the world. What’s on your studio (or kitchen) table? What do you hope to create this summer? How are you having creative fun with your kids?

***

If you are a toddler mama who needs some gentle reminders about ways to practice self-care in the midst of all that is being present for a toddler (or two or three), come along this June for a 10-day journey with other toddler mamas.

There will be daily photography prompts, writing + self-care prompts, stories from my own experiences in the toddler mama trenches, plus we'll be gathering in a private Facebook community that will continue after the course. 

Register and learn more here. We begin June 5.

And please pass this course along if you know a toddler mama who might want to join us. Thank you.

over here

we found a new to us park

and looked out on Puget Sound while she slept

we created our own board game (love Kiwi Crate!)

I've been playing with beads I've had since high school 

my new iphone cases arrived. with my own images + words. love them.

there has been a lot of coloring + fruit consumption

and adventuring wearing her new favorite hat from Grandma Fina

also four months of Project Life catch up has begun (post to come soon. OH and I love the "a beautiful mess" app. big.)

and we are finding time to notice us

A note from earlier today: I'm sitting in the family room, favorite purple afghan tucked around me, listening to Jon and Ellie chatter away as they play at the kitchen table. There is folk music on in the background, and I'm soaking up the simplicity of it all as the rain falls and I wonder what the day will hold. 

Sometimes you have to pause and really sink into the simple moments and how they make your heart feel. in this moment, I felt truly happy.

This isn't about pretending to have a perfect life. Or not standing in the thick of the tough stuff.

This is about gently pushing yourself to pay attention in the in-between spaces to find the joy, the beauty, the realness.

And for me, it's a lot about choosing love again and again.

summer reading

This summer, one of my goals is to read more. Like a lot more. On quilts in the backyard. With glasses of pink lemonade and happy straws. And I want to read more books for pleasure along with a few books that fall under my "I'll use this for teaching and other business things" category too.

And then I thought of you and how you might be longing to read some new things too (both for pleasure and for "education") and thought it might be fun to compile a HUGE list of books we'd recommend to others for summer reading.

how to play along

In the comments: Share a book or two that you really recommend. Meaning you loved it! Meaning you would tell your best friend to ger her hands on it right now! Meaning you couldn't put it down and carried it around for days (or didn't move until you finished it).

Then in early June, I'll create a blog post with a big long reference list of recommended summer reading that we can all turn to again and again this summer (even on our phones when we are browsing the library or in the bookstore). Can't wait!

Updated: I'm so excited about all the suggestions already!!!! When you leave a comment, it would be great if you would include the author and maybe even the general genre of you book, so the big list can include those details. For example, teen lit, sci-fi, self-help, poetry, and so on. Thank you!