on shining a light (on all of it)

Stand in Your Light pocket talisman in the Soul Mantras shop.

A year ago, my life felt heavy, my heart felt heavy. A year ago, my practice was centered around staying grounded and surrendering while holding on by my fingertips. A year ago, I couldn't stop thinking about how I wanted to feel lighter and less tethered to the past. A year ago, I thought I was coming out of survival mode, but in reality, I was still neck deep in it. A year ago, I had no idea how I would do it all and thought I was supposed to have it all figured out by now.

A year ago, I chose the word LIGHT to focus on in 2011.

I chose light because I wanted to manifest more light in my life. I wanted to feel the sun even when the past threatened clouds. I wanted the light to show me I was not alone on my path. I wanted to listen to the light within, around me and trust the way. And I chose light because I simply wanted to feel lighter. I wanted to dance more and seek more joy in simply living.

As 2011 unfolded, light became my guide.

(For real.)

As I began to do some deep inner work and healing from all that 2010 brought through Ellie Jane's birth and open heart surgery and the experiences surrounding all of it, I kept focusing on the light.

I began to realize that my work is to shine a light, a BIG light, on all of it. I don't want to be afraid in the dark and a flashlight isn't enough. I want to shine a big lighthouse-sized lantern on all that has been before this moment, from yesterday to decades ago, so that I can be present to right here and all that is to come.

As I worked with the light, I began to stand tall in these truths:

My work is to invite you to shine a light in every corner of the home that is you. To bring light to the dust and the stacks of stuff that belong to someone else and the truths just hanging out waiting to be seen in the corner and the whispered dreams of the little girl who lives inside you. 

My work is to tell the stories about how I am shining my light to unearth the joy and the beauty and the real.ness amidst all that living brings so that you can be invited to know you are not alone as you stand in your light (so that I can remember I am not alone).

My work is to create talismans that act as traveling companions on the journey.

My work is to show up as me and live with my heart open to all that has been and all that is to come.

As I sit on the edge of a new year and think about all that has been, I feel surrounded by the light that has taught me and will teach me and show me the way.

And as I gather up all the beauty and truth that has been 2011, I think of you (yes you) in your corner and I want to you to hear me say:

Thank you for walking beside me. Thank you for you showing me that my stories matter. Thank you for helping my business grow. Thank you for sharing your stories. Thank you for sharing your light. Thank you for showing up as you. Thank you.

merry

hoping your days have been full of merry and self-care and laughter and love and moments surrounded by those you most want to be with and moments to breathe it all in and moments to remember you are not alone.

thank you for your kind kind words on my last two posts. thank you for getting it. lots of tea and rest and crocheting over here in the midst of making some merry and playing santa together and getting out of pajamas for a little while (yesterday) and all of us staying in new ones all day (today). i feel a bit better, but we now have a little one who seems to be embarking on her first cold. 'tis the season i suppose. another parents learning curve ahead.

a good day though full of new toys for each of us, a few christmas movies, a nap or two, and lots of cuddles. but now on to more rest...

love and light,

liz

PS one of my favorite gifts this year was seeing glimpses of so many of my favorite people's holiday moments on instagram over the last few days. it was like the best slideshow of real beauty and food and joy and truth and silliness and merry ever. for reals. thank you for that. (connect with me @lizelayne on instagram.)

surrendering

Tonight, I am writing you from the land of antibiotics and vick's vaporub and literally trying to breathe and so many mugs of tea + honey as this mama is down for the count with a bug. 

In this moment, I am surrendering to not making cookies or getting it all done or cooking from the pile of waiting recipes or being cheery.

I am surrendering to asking for help and letting Jon do almost all of it.

I am surrendering to asking for more time and saying no.

I am surrendering to disappointment and exhaustion.

I am surrendering to answering "what do you need right now" with the truth (and the truth was biscuits + lingonberry jam).

I am surrendering to unexpected laughter and a little girl's need for cuddles.

I am surrendering to the breath surrounding patience.

I am surrendering to tears.

I am surrendering to just being right here.

I am surrendering to rest.

I am surrendering to the choice that awaits in each moment.

a case of the melancholies with a side of joy

On Sunday afternoon, after my dad and stepmom and my brother and his girlfriend had left and the house was quiet because Ellie was napping, the melancholies set in.

I was so grateful to have everyone here. Saturday was a day I had been longing for in a way I hadn't realized I needed as a fantastic holiday meal was cooked (by my stepmom who made the best stuffing I have had in a long long time) as everyone talked and laughed in the family room that is right off of the kitchen. My house was filled with people I love and everyone seemed content to just be there. We opened gifts and Ellie was excited and a bit overwhelmed in the way a one year old is this time of year. 

It was just all over so quickly. And knowing we would not have any other family or loved ones around for the next two weeks simply made me feel sad. 

Sunday evening, after Ellie woke up from a long nap, she would not stop giggling. She kept wanting me to "chase" her around the kitchen table and into the kitchen and around to the hallway again again again. I've been keeping the camera away from my face and snapping at her height and I love what I am discovering when I look at the photos later. I can hear her laughter when I look at the photos above and see pure joy with a dash of mischievousness. These photos really capture her right now. 

As I think about all the feelings I am holding this week, this is what I know: I can miss my family and friends deeply and still know we are living where we are supposed to be right now. I can give myself the space to feel sad that we won't have loved ones here for Christmas. I can hold melancholy in one hand and joy and beauty in the other and find myself breathing deeply somewhere in the middle. 

This is life. Yes. This is living with my heart open to all of it.

emerge in 2012 (with a special offer for those who come along)

Last summer I co-taught Emerge with my good friends and creative cohorts Jenna McGuiggan and Vivienne McMaster. The course is hosted by the awesome team at Live it to the Full. We're excited to offer it again this January in the hopes that it will invite you to focus on how you want things to unfold for you in the new year. 

We invite you to join us as we share our own personal stories of transition and play with words, photography, and mindfulness practices. We'll explore the ebb and flow of happiness, the unique power of telling your story, and the beautiful, yet precarious, process of learning to trust yourself.

We designed this course to be full of beauty, truth, and inspiration – all wrapped up in bite-sized stories and prompts that won't feel overwhelming. Emerge is a gentle way to kick off your creative year, and it's also a nice way to get to know Viv, Jenna, and me. Each of us offer our own creative courses besides working together on Emerge. If you've been curious about any of us or have considered taking one of our courses, Emerge is an affordable way (just $49) to “meet” all three of us at once.

We hope you'll be inspired during Emerge and want to continue exploring your creative side.

**That's why we're offering everyone who registers for Emerge a little bonus: three 15% discounts: one for a course from each teacher in 2012. This means you get one 15% discount for any of Viv's photography courses (such as You Are Your Own Muse), one 15% discount for any of my upcoming courses (such as Create Space), and one 15% discount for any of Jenna's writing courses (such as Alchemy: The Art & Craft of Writing). 

(We did the math, and this means you have the potential to save more than the actual price of Emerge! Sweet, right?)

Emerge starts January 2, and registration is now open. We'll send you details on redeeming your bonus discounts once class starts. For now, all you need to do is sign-up and you'll be all set.

We loved creating this course together and sharing it with so many amazing women last summer. We're looking forward to sharing it (and much more) in 2012!

december 15

today was:

up early anticipating the arrival of grandpa and grandma

a little girl full of joy and happy and just one or two overtired meltdowns

christmas shopping and sushi and the gift of a new "go to" date night outfit 

today was:

listening to them read

a heart remembering so much

johnny mathis in the air

today was:

tulips in december just because

trying all the cheeses at metropolitan market and deciding the rosemary asiago is still beyond the best

a little girl who insists on drinking from a glass 

today was:

conversation and laughter

dinner with everyone at the table

an "oh my goodness you all have to try this" cupcake that tastes just like my sugar cookies

today was:

a deep tired from staying up so late cleaning (and the knowledge that you can't really even tell)

a titch of missing even though they are here for two more days

a heart healing with each breath

december 12

Inspired by Ali's December Daily and my past participation in Darlene's December Views, I have been attempting to take photos each day this month and then write a few words to capture just one story of the day. I am housing them in a set over on Flickr and adding to it as often as I can.

I am gently but firmly pushing myself to let go of capturing the perfect photos. So if I don't take any that I want to share or use on a given day or if I forget, I am not worrying about it. Because really, the guilt thing is not going to make this project fun.

I do love though that the thought to take photos is flitting around in my mind more often than usual, especially this time of year when we are so immersed in the darkness of the days and colder weather. This is pushing me to try to capture the real day to day living moments instead of just outside adventures that summer easily brings.

This is to explain how I found myself with my camera this evening as a little girl went from daddy to mama and back again. She seems to be a wee bit under the weather, which meant she was really quite cuddly tonight as she wanted to be held or at least attached to one of us in some way. (Usually she is on the move running from room to room.)

I had the camera literally sitting on my lap as I snapped this series of photos. Because I wasn't behind it, she seemed less distracted because my face wasn't hidden so she just leaned against me as I snapped. 

I love that this gives the first four photos a self-portrait feel because she isn't looking at someone "through" the camera but is instead looking at the camera and any reflections she can see, probably of the lights in the room. (And if you are connected with me on instagram, you know that she is already taking self-portraits. Yep.) And then in that last photo, she is looking up at me right before insisting it is time to come up onto my lap.

As I sit here tonight, I keep thinking this phrase on repeat: The little moments seem to hold the most living.

five (really) good things

one bite at a time . december 9

On this Sunday evening, as Christmas music plays and necklaces are waiting to be packaged and a house is waiting to be cleaned, I feel moved to bring this old favorite blog post category of mine out for a spin again...

1) "A Very She & Him Christmas" is fantastic. Yep. I see lots of twirling in our future over here. (In fact, I could see it even inviting one to want to dance cheek to cheek with someone after some holiday cheer. Bring on the eggnog!)

2) I adore Kristin's ebook Unspiking the Holiday Punch. In this little treasure of a book, Kristin invites you to realize that you are your own best support system during the holidays. She provides beautiful, accessible practices that will serve you during this time of year (and always). As you navigate the many roles you play during the holidays, this book will become a companion and light for you. Give yourself this gift of self-care and check it out.

3) This morning while eating breakfast, I watched Sark's TEDx talk. How I adore her. Take some time to watch this video and soak up each word. Every time I hear her voice, I remember being in my little apartment in college curled up on my small loveseat listening to her message on the Inspiration Line and feeling like she was the only person who really "got me." I am 99% sure I am going to her workshop at Tea House next Spring and I am so excited about it! I've met her once at a book signing, but spending the weekend learning from her will totally be a dream come true.

4) Ellie is loving puzzles by Melissa and Doug. The safari animal puzzle is a favorite because she can stand the animals up and play with them. Her favorite game right now is "take things from this spot and move them one at a time to that spot" all over the house. So these puzzle pieces move from the ottoman to the couch (one at a time) then to the hallway and on and on. And I think the farm animal version might just have to be under the tree Christmas morning.

5) Oh and she is talking...like more than just the three words I thought she was saying talking...and she has been for a while now but I have just not been understanding her. But as she ate during the moment captured above, I realized she had been saying, "Good job" to herself when she would get a bite into her mouth. Yep. Awesome. And then this morning she said, "Good morning" and and and... So, it's time to be quiet and listen more over here.

And you? What five really good things are around you in your world? Dare you to share them right now.