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reading into the archives of a blogger (or two or three) to discover and uncover more
sewing rows and rows of fabric together
the words and images of this incredible woman
jen and swirly shakin' their groove things
finding calm in the midst of the opposite
long phone conversations that invite an opening of the mind, heart, and soul
when millie sighs as she snuggles into her new bed
flower burst at metropolitan market, 12 november 2007
the "if you find yourself needing to breathe in goodness and exhale calm while a dentist drills in your mouth for 2.5 hours" playlist*:"the lucky one" by allison krauss and union station
"dandelion" by antje duvekot
"like a star" by corrine bailey rae
"fly away" by the indigo girls
"traverse city" by daytime volume
"a bird flies out" by deb talan
"most of me" by mandy moore
"easy silence" by the dixie chicks
"everything" by michale buble
"we walk the same line" by everything but the girl
"songbird" by fleetwood mac
"johannesburg" by the housemartins
"these photographs" by joshua radin
"just remember i love you" by firefall
"extraordinary" by mandy moore
"closer to fine" by the indigo girls
"once upon a time there was an ocean" by paul simon
"walking in memphis" by marc cohen
"tenderness" by deb talan
"main title" from the american president
"landslide" by fleetwood mac
"let it be me" by rosie thomas
"anything at all" by sarah olsen
"brave" by stephanie dosen
"wartime prayers" by paul simon
"twilight" by mary chapin carpenter
"virginia woolf" by the indigo girls**
"i hope" by the dixie chicks
"everything'll be alright (will's lullabye)" by joshua radin
"simple life" by the weepies
"white sandy beach of hawaii" by iz
*i suggest playing it on shuffle so you can always be surprised as to the next song
**it had been a few months since i had heard this most favorite of songs. and tonight, i listen to it again and slip it on like a comfortable old sweater...
there is a chair under there (and a few of these to the left, do you see them?), 11 november 2007
to be aware of the goodness through tears, that is something...a clue that things are shifting.
another pile, some soon to be a few of these, 11 november 2007
today, i sang and sewed for hours and hours. and i felt this goodness growing within.i was thinking about a conversation i had last night that lasted until the first few minutes of today. i am enjoying the beginnings of a deep friendship, a soul-full friendship, with a beautiful kindred spirit. and, i was thinking about how conversations where you can just spill it, your truth, and share yourself without any worry of judgement are true blessings. these are moments to be tucked in the pocket of your heart. moments you can turn to when you are faced with one of those bumps in the road so that you remember who you are in the midst of something that might be inviting you to forget.
and then i was singing these words*:
I won’t hold anything back
And I won’t hold anything in...
...I’m still
Willing to begin
and then i was thinking about this, about truths and laughter and ideas shared, about letting go of assumptions and past disappointments and embracing a new path, and i found myself taking a deep breath, a contented sigh even...and i wanted to capture that feeling...that blissful feeling of beginning and action and love and truth that is growing inside me...so i took a picture so you could see how it looks on me...
proctor market sunflower, 15 september 2007
Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come.
Chinese Proverb
name five really good things. right now.
1. tonight's dinner involved conveyor-belt sushi. enough said.
2. exchanging emails with new and old friends fills up my heart. (thank you.)
3. wearing my mary jane slipper socks not only keeps my toes warm, but makes me feel happy, especially when i look down at my feet.
4. today, my teeth are the cleanest they have been in a long, long time.
5. we are totally planning a trip to disney world. yep. i. can't. wait.
and now, i extend the invitation to you:
what are your five really good things? put words to your five things. right now. i dare you.
flannel pjs and quilted patchwork scarf, 5 november 2007
the maple in our backyard has almost shed her clothing, anticipating her time of rest and renewel. the as old-as-the-house heater stirs a bit more often lately. soup, more mugs of tea, spiced cider, and roasted root vegetables become cravings.autumn has settled in for a stay. and today, it seems that winter has begun to write letting us know of her imminent arrival.
i tuck myself in for the day in flannel pajamas, a scarf, and some other necessities.
(see what other foks are wearing here)
the best thing about falling backwards when you didn't realize you were supposed to on a night when you hardly slept?
when the alarm went off with these words from the woman on npr, "today standard time begins. what are you going to do with your extra hour?"
one word. sleep.
i made myself breakfast for dinner and ate it on our wedding china and drank apple juice from one of our wedding goblets. making this dinner and "plating it" felt like a sacred moment of alone time. (a sacred sunday moment on a saturday.)
then, i settled in for a dvr'd episode of this guilty, campy pleasure (i did say campy, but could have just as easily said eye candy-filled).
it is that darn song at the beginning of this show though that sticks with me always, for hours. it is a fun song really that plays on repeat in my head. but tonight, i listened to the lyrics a bit differently as i realized that elvis is singing a version of my mantra of late:
a little less conversation, a little more action.
yes, yes, yes to this. i spend a lot of time in my head. and, i spend a lot of time thinking about the word "begin." i have spent a lot of time talking about the importance of beginning, but i have realized that my beginning seems a lot like thinking and talking and not a lot like action.
last year, i thought i was beginning something. but instead, i ended up spending a lot of time thinking instead of doing. and, i was sick for a bit, and life well, let's just say that last november life turned upside down for a bit.
and i have spent most of the last twelve months, not every moment, but a lot of moments in my head, twirling in circles a bit for various reasons because of several different things that have happened in the last year.
at some point in 2006, i had this realization that the grief i was experiencing over my grandmother's death had become a new beginning of sorts. a rebirth of the little unafraid, creative, fearless girl inside me. i began to think of myself a bit like a phoenix. and i often turned to deb talan's lyrics, as i have mentioned in this space many times, because it was as though that was my song. but, i always paused at the rest of the line that often quote:
Dry your wings in the sun
You have only begun to understand
When it's time to move on there is no one
To hold your hand.
i guess i have always felt a bit annoyed that she is saying that there is no one there. because, i always thought there was supposed to be someone there.
tonight, after i watched a little tv, i spent time creating a new design i have been thinking about for a while. i pieced bits of fabric together for a long time, listening to my ipod on shuffle. i paused a bit when cass fox started singing "army of one." something about the repetition of "you gotta feel it, you gotta want it, you gotta own it" along with this image of being an army of one...something about it made me stop. and think.
the idea that we must realize we are our own army of one. the idea that after you have been "reborn" as the phoenix is, just after, when your wings are drying and you are remembering to breathe, this is a time for sacred alone-ness.
i have been missing this point a bit. or at least i spent time this past year forgetting what i already know to be true.
long ago, i recognized that i am one of those people who feels lonely at times. and, i have learned that this is a lot more common than i once thought. still, i have sometimes mistaken the letting go of things, whatever those things might be, as loneliness. but, now i realize that maybe i have instead been given opportunities to spend time in this sacred alone-ness.
and, of course, part of the beauty of all of this occurs when you suddenly realize, after you pull yourself out of it (whatever it is for you), that you are not alone. not even a little bit.
this is where i am. i am inviting myself to stop the thinking and swirling of unhealthy repetition. i am inviting myself to realize that the stopping itself is action. i am inviting myself to realize that the more i worry or assume, the less i am moving forward. i am inviting myself to realize that it is okay to spend time in the thought, as this is who i am, but that moving forward is indeed the plan. i am inviting myself to realize that i am not alone. i am inviting myself to realize the power in being alone. i am inviting myself to let go and begin.
a little less conversation, a little more action.
(thanks elvis.)
