today

unexpected time together, so we went exploring:

here,
here, (where i adopted this little girl created by this awesome artist)
and here followed by here (where i was able to to this again)

what more could a girl want really?

(this is truth)

Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

Dinah Craik

(thank you)

meet natasha

The story of the (reversible) Natasha Aprons

Where is Natasha today? Perhaps…

Walking through Pike Place Market gathering ingredients for bouillabaisse and sour cream biscuits.

Capturing the rhododendrons in bloom while climbing Mt. LeConte.

Browsing the Paris flea markets for love letters from men named Bernard.

Snug at home creating and loving while always dancing in her life.

Natasha never needs much on her adventure, but pockets (for chocolate, a lens cap, tea bag, pencil, journal, and the other tools of her life) are a must. She's found that it's easier to wear her pocket-full apron as she buzzes about in her world, so that she has access to everything she needs.

Natasha. The name that was almost mine, but my parents, instead, agreed on Elizabeth. I think of Natasha as an alter ego of sorts out there exploring in the world. Almost like this "other self" and a lot like a self uncaged.

I keep thinking of other places where she might be and what she might be doing…let me know if you run into her…

*******

These aprons were inspired by one that I made for myself this summer. Lately, I have been wearing it as I run errands, as I create in my home, as I go out in to the world and take pictures…the list goes on. It is my current favorite accessory.

I have put a few in my shop. They are in a variety of sizes because I believe that no matter a woman's waist and hip size, she should have an apron she can fashionably wear out in the world.

action

choices, 27 october 07

I have been wrestling with a decision lately. One that isn't a major life decision, but one that affects my creative journey. I had decided not to do something that I wanted to do. And, when thinking about the reasons why, I had trouble coming up with any really. Thoughts about how I didn't want to "seem." However, at different times during this past weekend, I had thoughts like, "why am I not doing this?"

In the early morning hours, I woke up with this phrase on my mind, "I feel like I am asking for too much."

Asking for too much?

What does that even mean in this context?

When it comes to wanting to get my creations out into the world…getting my creative self out there…sharing my story…is there really asking for too much?

I suppose there could be, but after this phrase popped into my mind, I started grinning. Ahhh, the old fear of not being able to ask for what I want.

I realized: I am afraid.

So I got up and acted.

This afternoon, I was at the post office mailing off some packages from The Little Room. I also had to overnight a document. As Jeff, my (sorry to all the others) favorite postal worker, was stamping the express mail documentation, we were talking about various things. Sidetracked by this, I misunderstood what he meant when he said, "Must be there before noon tomorrow." I replied with, "Why?" And he looked at me with confusion and said, "Why would you get what you want?"

I started laughing, "Oh, right, the express mail package will be there before noon tomorrow."

Yes, yes, that is what I want.

Two connected ideas:

Am I asking for too much?
Why would you get what you want?

Little whispers of truth in the midst of everyday life.
Little reminders that I know what I want.
Little reminders of my dreams, hopes, passions.

And, little reminders of the need for action.

I begin.
I act.
I continue.

sacred sunday: afternoon rhythm

press, measure, pin, repeat.

this is the rhythm of sewing + creating. this is the rhythm of my sunday afternoon.

and while pressing, measuring, pinning (repeating), i listened to and sang along with mandy moore.

yes, mandy moore.

a classmate from high school thought i might enjoy her new album. (thank you.) i downloaded it a few weeks ago, but today, i really lost myself in the songs. i paid attention and found connection.

it is a really good "indie folk" album.

really good.

she wrote some of the songs with the weepies. yes, the weepies.

the album is called "wild hope."

a soundtrack for a sacred sunday afternoon.

bits of today

heavy lifting

the moon rises over puget sound, 25 october 07

Yesterday, I had a conversation with a friend about a situation in my life that I am having trouble letting go of. Although it happened several seasons ago, when I was in a different place on my path, I am having trouble moving past it and the confusion and pain it invited into my life. My friend said two things to me that keep resonating. The first was that maybe I didn't have to focus so much on letting go of it, which made me think that this experience still has much to teach me. The second was an echo of my own words back to me: my triggered feelings about this event are really about something else.

Today, in the middle of my shower, I had a need to sit on the floor and let the water beat down on my head, neck, back. After a few moments, I found myself chanting, "om namo bhagavate vasudevaya" – a chant that my teacher says turns the petals of your heart.

My chanting increased in volume and speed and I began to rock along with my voice's rhythm. I plugged my ears in an effort to stop all thought and just focused on the sounds vibrating around me.

I chanted until I thought of nothing else. I chanted until Millie stuck her nose around the shower curtain to check on me. I chanted until the water ran cold. I chanted until I felt my heart crack open.

And as I stood up, these are the words that poured into my mind:

I send compassion.
I send apologies.
I send gratitude.
I send compassion.

These are the words I will try to return to when my mind is pulled back to the feelings of confusion and hurt. These are the words I will remind myself to send out into the world.

And the truth is, this is the hard work. It is easier to just wallow in being misunderstood. It is easier to just think ill thoughts about others even when you know there was a reason you felt a connection with them in the first place. It is easier to pitch a tent inside the shit because often we refuse to notice that the shit smells. It is easier to blame instead of honoring that we all do the best we can. It is easier…

The hard part is admitting your need to apologize. The hard part is admitting you are grateful for the experience because now you know more about yourself than you did before. The hard part is admitting what you really feel. The hard part is realizing that you need to forgive yourself. The hard part is admitting...

This is why I call it doing the heavy lifting. This is why I say I will try to do it. This is why I force myself to remember that we are all doing the best we can.

(Deep breath.)

I am doing the best I can.

artfiberfest: the people

tracie and me, show & tell night, AFF 2007

There was something really delightful about the small number of folks at AFF. The first night, we all fit in one room in The Commons. Teesha showed us a very cool hand-quilting technique that I cannot wait to try with projects as there is something so relaxing about stitching things by hand. Right before we all started to gather in that room, I was sitting in the lobby of The Commons (it is the main gathering building at Fort Worden where people gather for meals) writing in my journal. My thoughts were along the lines of what it felt like to be "having that first day of school feeling combined with the knowledge that I feel so certain of where I am."

As I sat there wondering if I was going to see anyone that I knew, Kristin Steiner and her sister Jan Reingold (a talented jewelry artist – I bought a necklace from her on vendor night and can't wait to share it soon) came around the corner. Some of you who have been reading my blog for a while might recall how Kristin's Artfest 2006 class changed my life. So to see her was a true deep breath for my heart. It was wonderful to have that little moment with the woman who started my love affair with fabric. While we were talking, Tracie suddenly appeared ready to give me a huge hug.

Tracie and I connected at my first artfest when I stood at her table at Vendor Night and totally "got" what she was conveying with the artwork she was sharing that night. I held one of her little canvases that night and knew it was meant to hang on my wall as it was my story (I talked about that moment in the middle of this post). A friendship began that evening. Spending time with her at meals and on Vendor Night was a highlight of my time up in Port Townsend. I just adore Tracie and the honest, open-hearted way she looks at the world. She teaches classes with her mother-in-law Marylin who is one super cool, hilarious, and kind woman. I learned so much from the two of them as we talked late into the evening more than once. (Thank you both for your encouragement about my artful journey.)

Tracie and I had a "full circle moment" when she came over to my vendor table and was looking through my flag sets. There was one that I hadn't yet put out, and as I showed it to her, she said looked at me in that same way I looked at her across her table…she totally "got it" and knew that this flag set was meant for her. Such a treasured moment between friends. (I miss you already girl.)

I was able to connect with a few of the teachers either in class, at vendor night, or at meals. I want to classes with everyone...in fact, I think I could have taken classes for several more days as I simply didn't have that same exhaustion as I do at Artfest. A few links I invite you to explore: Alma, Mary, Syd, Tracy, Darlene, Keely, and Pam (more about those last three in another post about my classes).

And, I connected with so many other students. Because AFF was smaller, it was easy to see the same people to keep the connections going. I must admit that I did a horrible job keeping track of people's blogs and web sites, so if you are reading this, please contact me!! I did have two classes with Sarah (we got to really bond in Keely's class about life and all the good stuff) who lives not too far from me; I am already looking forward to getting together with her hopefully soon. I also had two classes with Candice. She and Julie (who I briefly met at Kelly's vendor table at Art and Soul) organize the retreats at The Art Nest. Candice was a joy to talk with, and she has such a cool style about her. She created the most gorgeous journal in Pam's Saturday class.

As I was driving home Sunday, I started feeling a bit melancholy that the retreat was already over…but then I started to think about how soon many of these people would be at ArtFest where we would be doing it all over again…

*****

I have been unpacking the creations I have left from Vendor Night, so I will be adding some flag sets to my etsy shop later today.

I will also be adding two Selma Slingbags. This is a new design of my patchworked bags; it has a longer strap so that you can "sling" it across you.

I haven't been able to get into my studio yet to do something with all this creative energy I have after the weekend. A good portion of yesterday morning was spent with Millie at the vet. The poor girl has given herself a "hot spot" on her head. She looks like she was in one heck of a fight as she has a quarter-size "wound" in the midst of a three inch by three inch shaved area right on the top of her adorable little head. The poor baby. She is on the couch with me as I work so that I can make sure she doesn't scratch her wound open. And, when we have to leave her alone, she becomes Miss Coney yet again. Right now, her nose is a few inches from my computer and I can feel her rhythmic breathing against the back of my hand as I type. How I love moments like this one.