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bringing ritual in: intention {self-portrait challenge}

liz lamoreux

bringing ritual in: candle lighting practice

I must admit, I am not one for new year’s resolutions because I invite guilt into my life enough without them (and the inevitability of me not following through with them). However, I do appreciate the idea of pausing as the calendar turns to a new year and thinking about what you hope to bring into your life. This month, I am going to focus on one aspect of myself that I realized in the latter months of 2006; I am a person who believes that ritual can shape the journey in a way that brings meaning and new layers of understanding. In 2007, I hope to invite more ritual into my life. To look for ways to add shape and meaning to the sometimes scattered life I lead. As I thought about SPC, I decided my focus will be this very thing, ways that I plan to bring ritual into my life.

In late December, I created an altar, a space that represents the spiritual side of my journey. I used to have an altar in my little room in our house, but there was never a good place for it; it was always tucked under things or too close to Millie’s level. And, I admit that I felt this need to hide it for some reason in the fear that people who came over, or my family when they visited, would not understand. I have little talismans that represent various ideas, memories, beliefs, hopes, and so on. I imagine that some days I will add certain things, like pictures or flowers or offerings, and other days I will take certain things away. It is a fluid altar in this sense.

The altar is in our family room now; the place where we spend the most time and the place I often work from throughout my day. Inspired by Carla’s candles that she creates and names with intention, I have started a new ritual of placing a candle on this altar and lighting it with intention. Sometimes I will focus on someone else, maybe knowing a person needs peace or a special awareness. Sometimes my focus will be inward, as it is today. Sometimes my husband and I will create an intention together, as we did last week when we focused on the power of two and sent healing out into the world.

Lighting a candle with intention is something that is done in many religions. Candles are often used to represent a higher power or the four elements. Lighting candles is also a way to bring in a spiritual practice without a need for the following of a specific religion. This practice can be used to begin meditation; then the candle is extinguished when the meditation draws to a close. The act of extinguishing the candle should be part of the ritual. My teacher once gently told me this has two reasons: The first being that it signifies the end to the practice and the second to remember to extinguish the candle as to avoid burning down the house. As I have mentioned here before, whenever I extinguish a candle, I send a blessing out into the world. It adds another layer of meaning to the practice.

As I was thinking about candles this weekend, I came across Marilyn’s post about two high school girls who set up 10,000 candles in a downtown park. To soak up this inspiration, read her post.

Also, if this idea of lighting a candle with intention speaks to you but your life is such that you cannot light a candle every day or you want to start your work day with an intention but don’t have the luxury of working from home like I do, visit this web site. It leads you through a practice where you can light a virtual candle.

(See more self-portraits at Self-Portrait Challenge.)

updated 1/3: A few of you have asked, so I added the link to Carla's candle site, Zena Moon. She is running a couple of specials through tomorrow, you might want to check them out.

365 things

liz lamoreux

a few months ago, i started a kind of secret blog called "seek gratitude." i started writing about things i was grateful for each day. but in november i stopped. i wasn't blogging much then and was focused on getting better. on christmas eve, wishing i had stopped to take in more of what invites me to feel grateful in my life and written every day on the other blog, i decided to make this list (and to post on the no-longer-a-secret blog too).

this gratitude list isn’t exactly in an order of importance (because it isn’t like i am grateful for warm toast more than my parents). if anything, it is more a timeline as i reflected on the year by month as i wrote it…though it isn’t really a timeline either (because i am always grateful for fuzzy socks, sushi, laughter, grey’s anatomy, and poetry). so really, just a list of 365 things i am grateful for in the year 2006. (and there are more things, i am sure of it. and i left important things off that didn’t come to me in my holiday chocolate buzz…but it is a list of some things that made this year what it was for me.)

  1. the overall health of my family and friends
  2. living with a man who loves me and supports the person i am becoming and wants to know me more each day
  3. reading the time traveler’s wife. this book introduced me to derek walcott’s poem “love after love,” which led me to the poetry section of bookstores all around the seattle area.
  4. the commitment to taking self-portraits
  5. the telephone
  6. the many, many meals jon cooked for us this year
  7. the artist’s way (starting the journey of reading it with other bloggers)
  8. poetry readings in the bath tub
  9. warm toast with butter and cinnamon sugar
  10. the music of the weepies
  11. snow
  12. polka dot flannel pajamas
  13. all the little things jonny does for me (especially when i yell to him from the couch because i don’t want to move and he is in the room that has something i want in it)
  14. buying my first books of poetry
  15. friendships formed with so many bloggers this year. i am truly blessed to have connected with so many people in blog world in 2006. (i could probably write a list of 365 moments of these connections that i am grateful for…but i am letting this one just cover it.)
  16. chocolate milk
  17. being warm and safe in my home
  18. mary oliver (the way she walks in nature with her words demands that i pay more attention)
  19. william stafford (his spirit pours life into my heart)
  20. may sarton (her poetry, her journals, her words)
  21. a new typewriter
  22. my yoga students
  23. fuzzy socks
  24. flickr
  25. great pens that invite me to put all that is in my head to paper
  26. hours spent playing the game diner dash. it is on my husband’s old computer though and i never did pass that last darn level.
  27. grey’s anatomy
  28. monthly (and eventually come November, weekly) trips to i love bento, our favorite sushi restaurant (because, we do, indeed, love bento)
  29. morning pages
  30. long hot showers where i solve the problems of the world
  31. the movie brokeback mountain
  32. the gift of being able to love
  33. beginning to put paint to paper. swirling the colors together to form new colors.
  34. spending time with my mother when i went back to indiana for a meeting
  35. reading the kite runner in an airport with tears running down my face
  36. reading wicked
  37. hours spent on the phone with my friend heather
  38. the pictures my aunt sent me. the one that means so much to me.
  39. participating in a postcard swap and sending my art out into the world for the first time.
  40. jon’s health (after an evening spent in the emergency room in february)
  41. getting through the first year of missing my golden child traveler
  42. artist dates
  43. my neti pot
  44. the way the crocuses in our front yard popped open in all their glory this year
  45. the community of my yoga teacher training sangha. it was a true honor to be part of such a group.
  46. drinking lots and lots of water
  47. reading blogs and having that moment when you are reminded you are not alone, that yes, someone out there, the very person who wrote those words, completely knows how you feel about something
  48. for our first full year with millie
  49. the serendipitous way my group of portland blogger friends formed and all the time spent with them this year
  50. moleskine journals
  51. my yoga teacher laura
  52. the shells that my grandmother kept in her room that my grandfather sent me
  53. remembering to take my camera with me to capture life
  54. phone conversations with my friend melissa rose that are full of laughter and silliness and truth and honesty
  55. mug after mug of tea
  56. longs talks with patty on yoga weekends
  57. for the crazy, fucked up reality of realizing that with deep grief comes many gifts
  58. for feeling comfortable swearing on my blog (finally)
  59. stretching myself: physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually
  60. wandering through the aisles of the arts and crafts store to buy things like gesso and gel medium and other crazy things i had never used in my life
  61. my friend julia
  62. the birth of poetry thursday
  63. jars of tulips throughout the house
  64. conversations with my great-aunt honey
  65. for writing, for getting it out of me
  66. my favorite pink sweater (though jon shrank it last month…he didn’t mean to…when i was sick i put it in the washer and he put it in the dryer not knowing i didn’t want it dried…now i just look at it and wish it still fit)
  67. deciding to start to tell more people about my blog
  68. superballs (the ones that bounce and bounce)
  69. that my friend beth lives nearby, even though we do not see each other as often as i wish we would, knowing she is here is a gift
  70. moments where i find my way to the silly side of life
  71. cherry coke
  72. a realization about my eye and my parents and love
  73. learning to say “no”
  74. this post written by michelle
  75. serendipity
  76. naps
  77. rain falling and keeping this corner of the world so green
  78. emails exchanged with my grandfather
  79. my friendship with kathryn, my yoga friend
  80. hummingbirds at the feeder in the winter
  81. poetry readings all alone in my house
  82. reading life’s companion: journal writing as a spiritual quest by christina baldwin
  83. taking pictures of myself each day during the month of march. so many poloroids of me drinking tea.
  84. cosmopolitans
  85. buying myself a superhero bracelet (and wearing it every single day)
  86. my new laptop (even though it recently was not a friend to me, i have loved, loved using it over the last few months and am glad it is being nice again)
  87. walks on the beach looking for sea glass (we don’t really have many shells out here…my grandma and i always looked for shells. but looking for sea glass, she would have loved that too. when i look for it, i think of her, i feel close to her and my memories.)
  88. feeling safe
  89. yoga pants
  90. a trip into my memories of the songs of kenny rogers and how they are a part of the soundtrack of my life
  91. cupcakes
  92. my friend virginia’s strength of character
  93. giggling as i painted a canvas for the first time
  94. the moment when i realized exactly what to do
  95. the music of jonatha brooke
  96. for the day i realized that the little girl inside me is awake and dancing
  97. being introduced to green tea with brown rice through a gift from my friend julia. every. single. day. it warms me up.
  98. seeing the joy on my husband’s face as he watched me have so much fun painting and creating on the night i decided to go to artfest
  99. deciding to go to artfest
  100. the anticipation of artfest
  101. my drive alone in the car up to artfest (singing “galileo” on repeat and just knowing my life was changing with every mile)
  102. the companionship of my dear friend kelly throughout artfest. that because of our instant connection we had one another and just knew how the other was feeling through this incredible experience.
  103. connecting with kim at artfest (we have known each other in past lives, of this i am certain)
  104. meeting kristin steiner and taking a class from her at artfest. (this class changed my life. it did. it completely changed my life. and i am taking a class with her again next year.)
  105. that jon came up to port townsend to stay with me during the weekend part of artfest
  106. vendor night at artfest (one room. over 500 people. all like me. i was truly on overload.)
  107. connecting with tracie lyn huskamp and her artwork (the moment that i stood at her table on vendor night, i knew there was a connection between two kindred spirits and it was so very cool to know she knew it too)
  108. meeting blue poppy and walking with her, arms linked, on the beach at fort worden
  109. teesha and tracy moore and all the good that they put out into the world
  110. being forced to leap outside my comfort zone (even if i was kicking and screaming in my head)
  111. learning how to use gel medium
  112. the beginning of my love affair with fabric
  113. talking on the phone with missy b. and loving how it feels like no time has passed
  114. the chanting, yoga, and meditation class that i taught for a few months this year
  115. that i decided to tell my dad about my blog
  116. trips to portland
  117. chocolate ice cream
  118. learning to set boundaries
  119. the afternoon dana and i spent at the point defiance zoo (and the friendship that began that day)
  120. the hope for peace
  121. knee socks
  122. afternoons spent in letha’s studio
  123. mount rainier
  124. my friend juli and knowing she is out there in the world
  125. the smell of freshly baked pastries wafting out of the french bakery near the market
  126. millie sighing and then laying her head on my leg
  127. comfortable shoes
  128. hot chocolate
  129. getting through the first year since my grandmother’s death. getting through the days approaching the anniversary, the days after as i remembered where i was and what we were doing and how i wished i could touch her just one more time.
  130. seeing my brother for his 25th birthday
  131. visiting powells for the first time
  132. attending my first poetry reading
  133. that my brother introduced me to daniel ladinsky’s translations of the poems of hafiz
  134. watching the birds at the bird feeders (we had a goldfinch this year)
  135. flip-flop weather
  136. sitting on the couch with jon with my feet up on his lap
  137. raspberries
  138. how excited millie gets when she knows jon is home
  139. the day dana agreed to host poetry thursday with me. because of her and our work together this project is growing more than i ever dreamed it might. (and that makes me so happy!)
  140. fresh, ripe peaches
  141. days when the sky is blue
  142. for the days i listen to my body and dance dance dance around the house
  143. noticing all five senses more often
  144. honey nut cheerios
  145. the right to vote
  146. caller id
  147. moments sprawled on the floor surrounded by art supplies
  148. oprah
  149. the artwork of theo ellsworth. when i need to invite my imagination to stretch a bit, i turn to his work. (i met him at artfest, and i still think about his humility and thoughtfulness. i just read that he is at the portland saturday market now. so go and meet him. you will be grateful for him too.)
  150. eating at yuki’s in portland (three times this year)
  151. finding my way to writing some fiction
  152. being honest about feeling grumpy
  153. the day an idea for the november weekend retreat of a small group of bloggers was born and all the anticipation leading up to it
  154. snuggles
  155. finding letters, notes, cards from my grandmother in unexpected places. over the years i have stuck them in books, drawers, boxes and when i clean or pick up a book for the first time in years, i find them. and even though i cry every time, i am so grateful for these unexpected pieces of her. she really did know me more than i ever realized when she was alive.
  156. the west wing (how sad i was to see it end but how grateful i am that for seven years it was my escape from reality)
  157. the wise words of my friend heather; she always has them ready to share
  158. connecting with bloggers through comments
  159. hearing rain falling on the roof as i drift off to sleep
  160. turning 30 (and waving a thankful relief-filled goodbye to my twenties)
  161. the gift of my sewing machine
  162. sundays spent in pajamas
  163. hearing my friend rebecca laugh during our phone conversations
  164. my ipod nano
  165. moments spent in meditation
  166. the movie il postino
  167. gram (jon’s 90-year-old grandmother)
  168. homemade hummus
  169. the song “we walk the same line” by everything but the girl
  170. a little girl named rebecca louise paulson who invited herself into my life one day and keeps hanging around talking to me
  171. listening to the song “virginia woolf” over and over and over again
  172. that my grandfather survived the surgery for his hip and the other health problems he encountered this year
  173. goat cheese and sundried tomatoes
  174. long baths
  175. the weekend retreat that ended my two-year yoga teacher training. it was incredible.
  176. turning on the music of keith urban to wake me up and get me going when my mind becomes a bit sleepy when i work
  177. margaritas (strawberry ones)
  178. sitting quietly together
  179. the kindness of complete strangers
  180. deep, warm hugs
  181. seeing the indigo girls in concert (twice, once with kelly and once with meg)
  182. hours spent watching the show "weeds." it is sometimes nice to just lose myself watching really, really good tv like this show.
  183. getting in touch with my inner love of totally inappropriate humor as i watched an evening with kevin smith.
  184. moments of inspiration
  185. phone conversations with my brother
  186. that several of my friends gave birth to healthy, beautiful babies
  187. fabric depot
  188. realizing that i am grounded in my body. even though i have feelings about how i look and all that stuff, i am simply grounded in my body. it is a good thing.
  189. paul simon
  190. the words to paul simon’s song “once upon a time there was an ocean”
  191. jon’s father coming to visit for father’s day weekend. good times.
  192. seeing my husband interact with his father. the love that is there.
  193. netflix
  194. homemade iced tea
  195. connection
  196. al gore
  197. moments of synergy
  198. marc broussard’s song “home” (i dare you not to dance to it when you hear it)
  199. taking my mom to port townsend when she was here for a visit, walking on the beach hand in hand
  200. moments full of giggling
  201. the time spent with my mom as we made a purse and an apron together
  202. reconnecting with the memories that surround “the happy apple” via dana letting me borrow it (for months now…)
  203. cracking up out loud watching hbo’s "entourage" (two words: johnny drama)
  204. brie
  205. homemade lemonade
  206. moments when i feel sexy
  207. picking up rocks as i walk along the sound
  208. successfully sewing my first purse by myself
  209. spending the fourth of july with friends
  210. moments spent singing in the shower
  211. that my brother is happy
  212. the way god speaks to me through the pedicure lady at the salon i go to
  213. being safe during a storm
  214. a trip to jackson, wyoming to witness two friends get married. a beautiful day, wedding, experience.
  215. spending time with friends who have known me half of my life
  216. the poem “persimmons” by li-young lee
  217. seeing my friends lindsey and brad so in love and hearing them tease one another as we sat together this summer
  218. feeling pretty in a new dress
  219. the grand tetons
  220. that planes can fly
  221. turquoise
  222. stripey socks
  223. starting the daily mirror meditation and the women who joined me during august and september
  224. finding my way to write a poem about sex (and the thought of writing a few more about this subject)
  225. the music of deb talen
  226. seeing the moon in the middle of the day
  227. safe travels
  228. moments spent in child’s pose
  229. that poetry helped me put into words all of the regrets i have about the days surrounding my grandmother’s death
  230. spending the weekend in Portland with dana and her husband
  231. the PEK (poetry emergency kit)
  232. rainier cherries
  233. ikea
  234. moments spent chanting to shiva
  235. orange, blue, brown, green, this year i have been drawn to these colors
  236. seeing my mom’s side of the family at my cousin’s wedding
  237. the joy on my cousin’s face on her wedding day
  238. (selfishly) making it through the first family get-together without my grandmother (the first one is behind me now)
  239. the hummingbird that flitted about right before my cousin’s wedding began
  240. time spent with my mom in durango
  241. standing at mesa verde and feeling
  242. seeing wild horses. real ones.
  243. having an incredible conversation with my cousin jeremy.
  244. hydrangeas in bloom
  245. dinners eaten at the table
  246. spending the afternoon with kristen and meeting her family
  247. rosie o’donnell joining the view
  248. that my friend ryan is safely home from iraq
  249. the poetry of sharon olds
  250. my husband’s smile
  251. a job where i can wear my pajamas or yoga clothes and just be comfy all the time and never have to wear heels
  252. the memories remembered of a house filled with music when i was a child
  253. reading eat, pray, love by elizabeth gilbert
  254. the moment when i looked in the mirror and realized i could see myself as beautiful
  255. that we own a drill and my husband isn’t afraid to use it
  256. beginning to work full time as a stay-at-home-editor for my awesome boss
  257. a steady paycheck
  258. that my dad’s health is okay
  259. spending the afternoon at the pike place market with maureen
  260. netflixing huff, house, weeds, and so many good movies (with so many more to come)
  261. freedom
  262. ideas that wake me up in the middle of the night
  263. moments when i have felt completely content
  264. spending a day shopping with anne when she and my dad visited this fall. i am still smiling about the fun we had.
  265. doughnuts and jam at the dahlia lounge (and the good conversation and laughter that went along with that meal)
  266. watching a notre dame football game with my dad
  267. seeing paul simon in concert
  268. our new kitchen appliances
  269. soft, luxurious towels from restoration hardware
  270. the smell of vanilla
  271. david whyte’s poetry
  272. fleece
  273. "studio 60 on the sunset strip" (still miss "the west wing" though)
  274. organic lip balm
  275. the gift of memory
  276. reading poetry to my yoga students
  277. my favorite soft knit green scarf
  278. that our house didn’t burn down on a sunday in october
  279. moments spent in the quiet
  280. hanky pankies
  281. hair long enough for two braids
  282. red slippers
  283. the ideas that come to me in the shower
  284. the colors of the leaves on maple trees
  285. curling up on the couch with my husband to watch "battlestar galactica"
  286. subscribing to the new yorker
  287. pumpkin scones
  288. the website www.kittenwar.com (hours of fun)
  289. a fall walk in the point defiance rose garden
  290. great bras
  291. the quiet of our new dishwasher
  292. pumpkin spice lattes
  293. writing truth
  294. the ritual of lighting candles as dusk settles around us and blowing them out, sending blessings into the world
  295. produce delivered right to our door
  296. moments spent brainstorming with dana about PT
  297. a weekend in november that i spent with six amazing, beautiful, incredibly talented, and wise women
  298. the realizations, lessons, thoughts, ideas and so many other things that continue to wash over me because of that weekend in november (thank you)
  299. feeling as i walk in my life
  300. that jon took me to the doctor the night i finally admitted how ill i felt
  301. that being ill and scared and unsure of what the future might hold gave me these moments where i realized how much i mean to my parents
  302. paul simon’s song “wartime prayers” (listening to this song over and over again got me through november)
  303. the gift of beginning to talk to my grandmother
  304. friends calling and emailing when i was ill in november (thank you)
  305. the moment when a doctor finally chose to listen to me
  306. tomato soup and grilled cheese
  307. hearing my friend katie’s voice on the phone in a moment when i just needed not to be alone. i know she doesn’t know it, but it meant so much to me.
  308. watching ellen during my two weeks of being on the couch and laughing, laughing, laughing
  309. buying myself a scarf from alicia’s "rosy little things" shop to cover my little scar
  310. feeling rested
  311. antibiotics
  312. the constant companionship of a little stuffed animal named jeero who i took with me to every appointment and who i held during my horrible biopsy experience
  313. the moment a fever breaks
  314. comedy specials on HBO
  315. white cheddar cheese and apple juice
  316. candles from carla’s shop zena moon
  317. the night i called my mom because i was scared and having nightmares while awake and she talked to me for an hour even though it was the middle of the night where she lives
  318. cuddling on the couch with millie
  319. my husband holding my hand through every moment of it (i will not forget)
  320. the lessons (even the ones that invite me to feel like shit)
  321. seeing and hearing david white read his poetry and talk about it
  322. hearing david whyte read his new poem "start close in"
  323. talks on the phone with jon’s mom
  324. cargo pockets
  325. listening to joshua radin sing his songs over and over and over again
  326. polka dots
  327. warm cozy sweaters
  328. moments spent in cobra pose
  329. owning that i am a serious person most of the time and realizing that i don’t need to apologize for it anymore
  330. giving myself permission to not be serious in every moment of every day
  331. deciding to make a stuffy for jon, and then making another one for heather
  332. visiting my friend heather in la: seeing her corner of the world and just spending time with her
  333. moments when a group of people sit together and laugh and laugh and tell stories and laugh some more
  334. godiva chocolates (my favorite are the little open oyster shells)
  335. heat
  336. bloglines
  337. finding the bright spots in the midst of deep disappointment
  338. the moment when the owners of i love bento say, “thank you. bye-bye” as we leave their restaurant. each and every time it just makes me feel good inside.
  339. gingerbread lattes
  340. making some christmas presents this year
  341. for not losing all my pictures from the last few years
  342. new bangs
  343. finding my crafty self
  344. prayers
  345. beginning to speak up (watch out world)
  346. felt
  347. finding a craft store less than a mile from my home (how could i have not known it was there until december of this year after living here for two and a half years?)
  348. that we didn’t have to spend christmas stuck in an airport
  349. for the kindness of jon’s parents
  350. spending three days up in seattle with jon. tourists in our own corner of the world.
  351. new make-up that just makes me feel good (thanks to thea’s suggestions)
  352. christmas eve pajamas
  353. that because we couldn’t go to colorado i got two pairs of christmas eve pajamas (jon had sent the other pair to his parents house so i got those a few days later) and we were able to spend christmas eve with friends
  354. springing millie from the kennel so she could spend christmas with us
  355. spending christmas day snuggled up on the couch with my husband in our pajamas stringing garland for our little tree and watching lots of movies
  356. the movie night at the museum and the wonder i felt inside watching a museum come to life
  357. winning an item on ebay
  358. moments when i stop everything to get up, ipod nano tucked into my clothes, earphones on, and dance around the house. i love those moments. here’s to more of those moments in 2007.
  359. my friend melissa rose’s sense of humor and the way she looks at the world. she invites me to be just a little less serious about things. (thank you)
  360. continuing to find my way
  361. the wisdom of others who came before me
  362. that the new year brings the promise of all that is to come
  363. creating an altar where i burn my daily “intention” candle
  364. the six little words that were my favorite words of 2006: there is no evidence of cancer
  365. the opportunity to learn the lessons without cancer

the doughnuts and jam experience

liz lamoreux

i watch the waiter as he arrives at the table with a bag. i hear the jostling of the contents as he shakes it, the squeak of the scissors as cuts it open. he places it in front of me and i peer into it and see: freshly, baked little puffed doughnut squares. i breathe in the yeasty smell. he puts mascarpone and cranberry butter in front of me. i instantly think, “where is the jam?” but don’t say anything. he walks away. i reach in and feel the sugary, warm texture, and break the first one apart. i pick up my knife and dip into the cranberry butter and smear it on one small corner of the first piece. the dough is delicious but the butter is a bit like cough medicine. i place the rest of the doughnut back in the bag and wait.

“sir, do you think there might be some jam back there?”

he comes back with a chagrined look, “all we have is what we serve with the duck. pear and ginger…well, it is a jam of sorts.”
“perfect.”

and it was.

i take out the piece of the first doughnut again and bring it up to my nose just to take in more of the fresh, bread meets cake smell. then i spread the jam onto it and take a bite. the tartness of the pear and ginger combination cut into the sweetness of the doughnut to form a dance of delight on my tongue. yes. a dance. i giggle as jon said, “it’s good?”

yes yes yes

my husband’s sometimes wicked belly wasn’t being nice to him at the end of this meal at the dahlia lounge last week. and though i was quite sympathetic because my belly is sometimes not my friend, i was also secretly gleeful that this meant I wouldn’t have to share.

i ate every single doughnut.

slowly pulling apart each square into tiny pieces and spread jam on each one. a ritual began.

reach in the bag. pull out a doughnut. breathe in. pull it apart and remark, “it is so warm.” break off a little piece, pick up knife and dip into jam, spread jam on little piece of doughnut, put knife down, bring doughnut to lips, insert, closes eyes, moan.

repeat.
repeat.
repeat.

sometimes mix things up with a sigh. a laugh. an exclamation, “oh…it is so good.”

and eat every single doughnut in the bag.

slowly. deliberately. revel in it.

breathe it in. every moment. every taste. every smell. every single bite. breathe it all in.

when you visit, we will go there. we will split the seafood platter appetizer and order salads. and then we will each order the doughnuts (because i promise you my friend, you are not going to want to share). and then, you will understand.

make mine red {self-portrait challenge}

liz lamoreux

make mine red (self-portrait challenge)

back in the fall i saw bono on oprah and ordered my (red) shoes from converse. i even got to design them myself (you to can do the same thing - just go right on over to their website and support the red campaign).

to learn more about the campaign and supporting the global fund, check out these sites:

the global fund
(blog) red
(product) red

(and see more interpretations of the red theme at self-portrait challenge)

happy christmas

liz lamoreux

I wish you and yours a holiday filled with laughter, love, joy, and peace...

trees and more trees black and white

Jonny and I spent yesterday with Dana and her husband. It was wonderful to have such good friends to spend the holiday with. They even put up their tree and saved some ornamnets for us to put on the tree (because they knew we weren't going to put up our ornaments this year). We played yahtzee and hoopla and laughed and told stories and ate yummy food. (Thank you both.)

Today, Jon and I are enjoying movies (A Christmas Carol and Love Actually) and making some garland for our little tree (we found a little one left in the lot) and having fun with our presents and eating little appetizer foods while still wearing the pajamas we exchanged last evening...

all those trees

These little trees were inspired by Stephanie over at little birds handmade. We gave them as some gifts this year. (I admit that I am sad that we didn't make some for ourselves...so that is why we are making some Posie-inspired garland for the tree today. I want to make something crafty just for us.)

a few days up in the city...

liz lamoreux

After Jon and I learned that there was no way we would be making it to Colorado for Christmas, we decided to head to Seattle for two nights at the Hotel Monaco. We did a little shopping, ate some good feed, played a new board game, enjoyed the jacuzzi tub, stocked up (I mean stole…I mean took the ones provided) travel size Aveda products, listened to the elevator from our “supposedly quiet room” all night long the first night (were too tired to notice the second), did some more shopping, ate the most amazing doughnuts for dessert (a whole post devoted just to them coming next week), read some poetry, read the paper, cuddled, watched Charlie Rose both nights (George Clooney and Clive Owen respectively), slept in, drank tea and lattes, walked up and down the steep hills of Seattle (okay one hill, twice, but it felt like several hills ten times), enjoyed the lights, listened to people caroling on the street as they waited for carriage rides (they were caroling just because), laughed, tried not to annoy each other too much, missed Millie, dreamed about living in the city some day (“when you write your book and get it published and we can have two houses”), wished we were in Colorado with Jon’s parents and the snow, were thankful many times that we were not stuck in an airport, walked hand in hand almost the entire time, found moments outside ourselves to remember...

The Hotel Monaco provides you with a goldfish in your room if you miss your pet…

While scared out of his mind and leery of all things moving, I got Sal, the goldfish, to pose for a photo shoot.

Sal strikes a pose

Sal looking forward

Sal a little annoyed

While drinking tea, I got Jonny to pose for a few shots too.

jonny drinking tea

a sly look

kind eyes

lighting a candle and deciding to really spend thursday with poetry

liz lamoreux

candle

I light a candle

for healing
for hope
for peace
for light
for space to know
for support
for love
for spirit
for understanding

on tuesday, as the news came about darlene’s son’s accident and my uncle’s diagnosis of cancer, i lit a candle with these intentions. this candle burned throughout the day yesterday.

i light it again this morning.

i turn to my wise friend hafiz who speaks to me through the words of Daniel Ladinsky. I look through a few pages until I find the words that cause me to exclaim aloud, “this is fantastic.”

I Am Really Just a Tambourine

Good

Poetry

Makes the universe admit a

Secret

“I am

Really just a tambourine,

Grab hold

Play me

Against your warm

Thigh.”

********

shortly after i wrote tuesday’s post about choosing happiness, i had the opportunity to choose the opposite emotion and the universe continues to provide that opportunity over and over again.

the news of mark’s accident
the news of my uncle’s cancer

and then the following not-on-the-same-level-but-crap-doesn’t-the-universe-understand-that-it-is-the-holidays-at-all? stuff:

my computer, which seems at times to be my best friend as I use it for my job, my hobby, my connection to friends and this community, started to do some odd things (going in to standby mode while I was working for no reason at all). thinking I had backed everything up, my husband and the tech he was on the phone with reimaged my computer. which. means. I. lost. everything. that. wasn’t. backed. up. luckily, this did not include photographs or my writing. but it did include a lot of other stuff. it felt like my husband had picked up my computer and thrown it against the wall. to say I tapped into a feeling the opposite of happiness is an understatement (and the kicker – it didn’t even fix the problem).

yesterday morning, we were supposed to leave for colorado to spend christmas with jon’s parents and grandmother. that’s right, I said colorado. that place where they are having the blizzard. we tried to check-in and the delta kiosk computer said, “see an agent.” we had checked everything the night before but because we had to be there so early, we didn’t check it yesterday morning. we are still at home. bah humbug. our suitcases are still packed (one filled with gifts for them) and millie is still at the kennel in case we do get on a flight today/tomorrow (and i miss her). we expect though to stay here and spend another holiday unexpectedly without family. (did you read Monday’s post where I said I hadn’t decorated at all?) bah humbug. we do love spending the holidays just the two (three with millie of course) of us, but this was the year we were going to see family. with my illness last month and biopsy procedure that happened thanksgiving week, we had to cancel the plans to see my family. and now we may not see jon’s parents.

jon spent time on the phone again yesterday to try to fix the computer. yeah. still going in to standby mode while I am using it (no rhyme or reason to it).

this morning, jon went to drive my vw bug to go to the store to get milk (we had to throw it out when the power went out and I am a milk drinker but we didn’t get any knowing we would be leaving but heck, I want some today), my car would not start. nothing.

and I want to write about how there are so many things I am grateful for. because really, I know, I am so blessed. but right now, all I can muster is to light a candle and get ready to eat a doughnut and drink some milk after jonny gets back from the store. and then i will heed hafiz’s words and spend some time with some poetry…because i need to spend some time outside of myself. outside all the stuff inside my head.

(hafiz poem from the collection in the gift. shared here with permission. visit poetry thursday today to read more poetry and spend time outside yourself.)