three things

a gathering of sacred things

feeling moved to write in lists...

1) i had such fun talking to jamie as a guest for the Creative Living with Jamie podcast. serious fun. i hope you will hop over to her site to listen to our talk about creative dreams, listening to yourself, and the importance of action. and then explore other podcasts and good things on jamie's site. that girl gets it. yes yes yes. and i am so glad we finally got to connect voice to voice after years of knowing each other in blog world.

2) elliebeana and i are still singing "beauty in the world" several times a day. my girl loves this song. i sang it to her while she was in the hospital and i think wanting to giggle and dance to it was part of the reason she came off the ventilator so early.

3) people are reading Inner Excavation. and telling me about it. and posting a review on amazon. oh. my. goodness. it is a kind of crazy goodness to get emails from people who have visited my blog because they are reading the book. my book. wow. the first batch of books for people who ordered the book from me went out yesterday. the rest should go out later this week/first thing next week (there was some confusion with my publisher but that is all straightened out now). and, you can still order the book from me and receive the free postcard package of additional images from five of the contributors (i am sending these free postcards with orders through the end of the month or until i run out). 

thank you. for ordering the book. for reading it. for telling me your thoughts about it. 

i am so blessed.

i choose: happiness

 

a few things making me happy this evening...

1. i visited gypsy girl's guide this weekend (alex, the gypsy girl herself, is on maternity leave as she just had her little one) and i mused about the idea of self-portraits and shared a few things that make me feel strong and brave and beautiful. 

2. a "new to me" polaroid spectra camera is bringing a smile to my face. i have taken one of the three photos it still had in it when it arrived (and the photo was a good one!). i can't wait to learn more about the spectra and polaroids and lighting needed when taking a polaroid from maddie when she teaches at Reveal in less than two weeks. (and yes, the rumors are true, there are still a couple of spots left at this retreat. if you are reading this and suddenly have that oh my goodness i must check airline prices right now feeling...well, i hope you will as i would really love to see you [and, as a perk, you will get to meet this person AND hang out with this person who will be looking after the aforementioned little one]). 

3. i am so thrilled to be a guest during one of the week's of jenna's fantastic e-course Alchemy: A Writing Course for Creative Souls. i have had some sneak peeks of this course, and to put it simply, it is going to be a very good thing. no way around it. i hope you will join jenna for so much goodness this october.

4. spent a bit of time doing a little etsy window shopping where i found (oh how i adore) this, (oh the blue!) this, and (oh i think i need) this.

5. watching ellie have a full conversation with the octopus that hangs from her activity mat thingamabob was a highlight of this weekend. seriously. that girl loves to talk. i am convinced that she says "hi" and "yes" but the others words i am not quite getting yet. 

6. the little "one word" lockets i mentioned in my last post are now in the shop. i made myself my own "joy" simple locket as a much needed reminder.

7. yesterday afternoon was spent with my dear friend deb who gently held my words and shared pieces of her own story and her wisdom while we dined together and had some mighty tasty margaritas. in this moment, i am smiling just thinking about our time together. (thank you girl)

8. oh and your preorders of my book...well...seeing them pop into my inbox is really making me grin. thank you. i simply cannot wait for you to read Inner Excavation!

*****

i have admit that today was filled with quite a bit of wallowing. i got bogged down by feelings of disappointment and less than and who do i think i am and fear and hurt feelings. i chose to close the laptop and take a break from all that stuff and focus instead on creating and watching the rain fall and seeking out the peeks of blue sky and listening to ellie coo and sharing a long hug with my husband. but how i wanted to wallow. still, i pushed myself (while kicking and screaming in my head). i pushed myself to seek out the goodness and the beauty and found my way to standing inside moments of happiness. 

five (really) good things . where i remind myself i choose...

 

a boy and his guitar . september 2010

1. pumpkin spice lattes are back. 

2. this afternoon, i am creating several custom soul mantra necklaces, and this has me thinking about how healing it is to hammer phrases like "stand in your light" and "rest inside love" and "claim your worth" into metal.*

3. ellie has started laughing when we dance to some favorite songs. that sound, oh that sound, how it causes me to remember how beautiful life is.

4. pushing myself to own that i am brave in so many aspects of my life. honoring this is a gift i give myself. 

5. my brother and his girlfriend [who are the duo hello mtn] were here last weekend. i am still smiling when thinking about the afternoon we spent at point defiance park. they are working on a video of the song they wrote for ellie** and i had the privilege of taking some footage for them and snapping photos along the way. that day taught me so much about photography and creating and reminded me of the importance of having artist dates even in the midst of challenging times. (we must refill our soul's well and this is an important way for me.)

*i am currently taking custom soul mantra orders until this wednesday, september 15. i will be closing the shop for several weeks later this month as i focus on ellie's health needs. the next time i will be able to offer custom necklaces and lockets will probably be in november.

**the song they wrote and recorded for ellie...well...i simply cannot wait until i can share it with you later this fall. it is the most beautiful gift i have ever received. and the words, the words are healing me each time i hear them. matt gave me the okay to share a snippet of video here next week, so stay tuned for some photos from our day along with a little video clip.

*****

i make lists like these to remind myself that i can choose to find the goodness even when i am in the midst of the scariest time in my life. because even though so much of the day is filled with medication and worry of what is to come and trying to support one another while being so exhausted, i can still stop by starbucks while running errands and spend just a few seconds breathing in the "fall is on its way" smell of a pumpkin spice latte and then notice the smiling down on me through the sunroof blue of the sky and turn up the radio and sing along until i pull up in front of the house. each day, each moment, i can still choose the way i see things and who i want to be. and i always want to be the person who seeks the beauty in the moments.

and you...

what are your five (really) good things today?

i would love to hear them.

this and that

breathing in all of it (for the august break)

a few bits:

thank you for words and emails lately. i truly feel so blessed to be cocooned in so much support. i am happy to report that ellie continues to be doing well. the medicine she takes is working, and she is beginning to smile and coo and reveal a bit more of her personality each day. i wish you could come over for tea to meet her. she really is the bees knees.

we are having more days that feel like summer here. love getting out and soaking up a bit of sun and remembering that there is life outside of our little house.

i am participating in susannah's august break over on flickr. i really love this idea and am looking forward to trying to capture a bit of summer each day. some days i will be sharing the photos here too, but i know i will also be posting some other things in this spot (like [finally!] the cover of my book and some thoughts about the experience writing it, a little video i am working on, a collaboration or two, and a few other things). luckily, susannah is all about no rules (you should join in on the fun too!).

while the little one sleeps or entrances her daddy with her smiles, i have been working on some more jewelry for the shop. i am really loving the longer locket necklaces and the new soul mantra designs and have made a few for myself. a bit like betty in the above photo, i have been inspired to layer them with other soul mantra necklaces and a few others i have (especially my favs from jen, kelly, and the black spot books). new items listed can be found over here. if you are interested in a custom locket, just contact me through an etsy conversation or email (the email page is in the sidebar of this blog).

and here are a few links to things catching my eye:

maya's on the road with ten-line tuesday kickstarter project

viv's tease about her upcoming project

jen lee's poem "held." (each time i read it, i read it aloud. each time i read it, i cry. next week, i am taking it with me to the oregon coast and will add it to my pocket of poems i am collecting for my early morning walks on the beach.) oh and jen's new merch page pretty much = awesome.

really enjoying notes from the edge (a new to me blog)

this delightful blog of mila's daydreams (this link fluttered around twitter last week and made me smile)

playing along at exquisite corpse was all kinds of fun last week (thanks kristen! this project simply rocks.)

teuxdeux.com (thank you jenna...this just might save my sanity)

and since i just ordered this (and this) as my "the book is really done!" gift to myself, i am more than a little excited about dar's photography ecourse.

life with ellie jane (the first five weeks)

 

current favorite EJ photo . taken by vivienne mcmaster

while i was pregnant, i became quite excited whenever i came across a blog post about the items new parents found helpful in the first few weeks of their newborn's life. because jon and i don't have siblings with children and haven't been around newborns really much at all in our adult lives, we relied on our friends (and the magic of blog world) to help us figure out what we needed and what we could wait on so that our already full home didn't become too filled with baby "stuff" that we did not need just yet.

so in the spirit of sharing information, here are a few of the things we have been really glad we have and then a few just for fun tips...

oh and if you reading this have anything to add or share (or questions), please feel free to add your thoughts in the comments. and if you can, share links because links are always helpful for the mama who has pregnancy or newborn brain...thanks!

feeding

the Boppy Pillow has been perfect for feedings. because of my c-section, having this for ellie to rest on while i am nursing her (or feeding her a bottle as we are doing both) has been great help. the custom patchwork cover we have (from delightful vintage fabrics) is from the etsy shop "for the love of joy." and if you are reading this, you probably know this but i just have to say: you can never have too many burp cloths. we are mostly using the cloth diapers from gerber cloth diapers from gerber but i also made some from fabric i love + chenille. we use the burp cloths for feedings but also for, well, everything as messes abound with a baby. (oh and these nursing tanks from target are perfect. i actually wore them the last few weeks of my pregnancy, especially to bed.)

sleeping

after doing a lot of research, i decided to splurge on the cariboo folding bassinet. it has been perfect for the very small space we have in our bedroom. it is very sturdy and so easy to move when we want to have her in another room with us (and she wants to nap). and when we head to the ocean next month (i am putting this out there in the hopes it will actually happen), we will be able to easily fold it up and put it in the car. we will also use it later for toys in ellie's nursery. we received the halo sleepsack from the hospital when ellie was born. she sleeps in it every night. we also have the Kiddopotamus SwaddleMe but ellie was a bit too small for it until week 3. we love them both and so does ellie (especially after finally watching Happiest Baby on the Block, which, by the way, you also need dear pregnant one who might be reading this).

changing

the Wipe Warmer. so this one seems silly doesn't it? a wipe warmer? but when jon and i saw this online, we both had the same thought, "shouldn't everyone have one?" the answer is simply "yes." diaper changes are simply easier with a warm wipe. end of story. now onto diapers...so the hospital gives you a package of these pampers with this wetness indicator that turns blue when the baby needs to be changed. and then you get home. and at about day three, you realize the regular newborn pampers swaddlers do not have the strip. and you ask every person you know where to find them and no one knows...but then you use google and AHA! you find that the pampers sensitive diapers (in sizes newborn, 1, and 2) have the stripe! (and your husband agrees to continue to do almost all diaper changes because you order a box bigger than the one the stroller came in filled with aforementioned diapers!) 

a few random tips:

keep your camera in the room where you spend most of your time. you will want to capture so many of the facial expressions your little one makes, but you won't want to leave him or her alone while you run around like a crazy person looking under everything for your camera. have a spot for it and leave it there when you aren't using it.

meals ready in the freezer BEFORE your water breaks is not a bad idea.

have confidence in your partner when he or she is taking care of the baby. (my friend lindsey gave me this advice a few months ago and it has been so helpful. i sleep through the middle of the night feeding jon gives ellie because i am not wrapped up in the idea that only i know how to do things for her.)

carriers/slings: you are probably going to want one of these but you might want to wait until baby gets here and take him or her to the store nearest you that sells them to try them until you find one that works...we are currently figuring this out and i will share my finds.

kindle + iTouch have been so helpful for one-handed reading of the online or book variety.

audio books are a wonderful companion to pumping.

nursery: we are slowly finishing up the little bean's room and i hope to share photos of her space in the next few weeks. it is the space in our home that is most the style i would love our entire home to feel like, so i am hoping that the light, airy, happy, creative feel is contagious.

notes for the journey. invitations of inspiration.

leg warmers + flip flops on the 4th of july

i have been peeking my head out into blogworld and even into the "real" world every now and then, and i have come across a few things that invited me to want to do, create, play, and open up:

elizabeth's postcard project

kristen's new project exquisite corpse collective (and her new digs in the violet hour)

mati's painting a day

betsy snyder's book Haiku Baby(a present from viv. we. love. this. book). betsy has a blog and the book even has its own adorable site.

maddie's videos invite me to get out my flip and capture the world around me. love the whimsy and poetry of the little film in this post. and the light captured in this one makes me a bit weak in the knees (in the best of ways). can't wait until this fall when maddie teaches at reveal.

kate's words at the wishstudio about living from your whole body

(oh and just in case you need a little sixty seconds of cute...you can find miss ellie in moving pictures here)

PS a big thank you to all my guest bloggers who stepped in to share inspiration while i took a bit of a maternity leave from this space. their posts will fill up your soul's well, so if you haven't already, please read them all here.

a soundtrack for a very specific 24 hours in june.

 

while we were waiting . may 31, 2010

almost four weeks ago now, we walked into a hospital ready to meet our child knowing we probably had quite the journey ahead of us before we would see her face. and oh how we journeyed. (deep breath) i learned that i am braver and more powerful than i truly ever thought i could be, and i have never been so proud of the person who is me who has walked to this moment in her life. and together, we learned about another layer of our love and how strong we are when our hearts are open and our hands are clasped.

over the next few weeks, i plan to share pieces of that journey and moments from this next chapter that we have just begun as we get to know our daughter and learn even more about love and bravery and strength and being present.

this evening, i want to share the soundtrack of part of this journey. the following songs (and these songs too) were sung (with my amazing doula and her incredible apprentice, jonny, and the [really i was so lucky to have them] nurses sometimes joining in), danced to, breathed through as i experienced each contraction every minute or two for almost 24 hours...they were the soundtrack that kept me centered and focused and grounded and holding onto something real and beautiful and true.

yes.

i share them knowing you might need to gather a few for your soundtrack as you walk on your path.

Galileo (Indigo Girls)

Have a Little Faith (Michael Franti & Spearhead)

Caravanserai (Loreena McKennitt)

Under African Skies (Paul Simon)

End of the Line (The Traveling Wilburys)

Virginia Woolf (Indigo Girls)

Walking in Memphis (Marc Cohn)

Everything (Michael Buble)

Caravan from Chocolat (Rachel Portman)

White Sandy Beach of Hawai'i (Iz)

Brave (Stephanie Dosen)

Brand New Day (Joshua Radin)

I Got Love for You (Michael Franti & Spearhead)

Home (Marc Broussard)

Dreams (The Cranberries)

Power of Two (Indigo Girls)

Stolen (Dashboard Confessional)

Have a Little Fain in Me (John Hiatt)

Peaceful Easy Feeling (Eagles)

Watershed (Indigo Girls)

Say Hey (I Love You) (Michael Franti & Spearhead)

Graceland (Paul Simon)

These Photographs (Joshua Radin)

Hallelujah (k.d. lang)

bits and pieces from this week.

 

right now, i can hear the refrigerator, a clock ticking, birds chirp chirp chirping, my somewhat heavy inhales and exhales, my fingers quickly moving across this keyboard.

we are shifting wildly from sun to grey and pouring these days. sometimes within the same five minutes. it feels like indiana because it is like that insistent spring burst of rain that happens in the midwest.

i have a few blogging friends lined up to guest post here while i am experiencing those first few weeks of being a new mom next month. if you might be interested in guest posting, send me an email (just click the email link in the sidebar) and i will let you know the details.

the outtakes from my "reveal" video crack me up. creating that video took so many attempts, partly because i didn't write anything down and found myself rambling when i wanted to be short, sweet, and to the point. i forced myself to relax by just keeping the video going and making funny faces and then breathing before starting again. i highly recommend it (and would love to see your outtakes when you have some).

i am almost done rereading robert fulghum's book From Beginning to End. the rhythm of his writing invites me to take a deep breath and slow down. did you know that he has an online journal of sorts? this post really captivated me when i revisited his website over the weekend.

just discovered this delightful shop. loving katie's journals and prompts and invitation to share your story. yes yes yes.

and a little reminder that i am closing my etsy shop (for a few weeks) sometime next week in anticipation of the little one's arrival. there is still free shipping at the shop (and you can still use the special blog reader savings code from the gratitude post a few posts back to save an additional 15%).

i think these list posts are just easier for me right now as my mind feels a bit scattered with all the little things we are trying to get done. though, i have tried to finish this post about six times in two days, so maybe the lists are even too much at times. but, there is something to this checking in with myself, with you, to see where i am in this moment. and in this moment, i am breathing deeply and trusting. (where are you?)