the author's advanced copy of my book arrived. yep. i am holding it right there in that photo. with my name on the cover and everything. my. name. is. on. that. book. it is a bit unbelievable i must admit.
part of the unbelievableness is because i am so preoccupied with ellie's health needs right now. so time for celebrating that this day has come doesn't exactly fit into the schedule in between medicine and feedings and appointments and calls regarding all that is to come...
but then there is this other reality that i so very much want to share my book with you! i want to invite you all over for a big ice cream sundae party complete with champagne and show you every page and point out my favorite parts...i want to tell you all about why i wrote it and why i hope you will find your way to a bookstore near you and seek it out or order it from me with a signed note addressed just to you.
but gushing about the book in this space feels a bit like answering the question, "how are you?" with "just fine" when what you really want to say is, "pretty damn bad thanks for asking."
so i thought about not even talking about the book here...but that isn't the right answer either. (i am sounding a bit like the guy in that scene from the princess bride. you know the guy. that inconceivable guy. but this is the way my mind works sometimes. too much thinking.)
so while doing all this overthinking, i found myself seeking a space away from the mind chatter and i did what i often do. i took several deep breaths and gave my mind permission to quiet a bit and i turned to words on paper and wrote this poem note:
in this moment, i am
choosing to seek joy
making space to soar
resting inside hope
dancing through the fear
pausing to notice
(with each breath)
the truth that lives inside me
a few hours later, i was creating a few custom soul mantra lockets and saw this poem note again and decided to hammer the words joy, soar, rest, hope, dance, and pause into a few small lockets i had on my studio table. it was one of those moments where i was singing along with paul simon while creating with my hands and smiling knowing i was supposed to be right there in that moment. knowing it was all coming together just as it should.
this evening, while thinking about how i want to tell you all about the book and why i am proud of it and why i think you will want to read it, i thought about this. how i turned to poetry and creating in the midst of the swirling challenges of our current every-day world. how finding my way to the words that live inside me invited me to find my own rhythm again, so that when it was time to be back in the world of medicine and calls with the insurance company, i felt more grounded and more like me...even though this is so different than the life i had imagined living with a three-month old baby, my baby. even though i am more scared than i have ever been, i am finding my way back to strength and bravery and the wisdom that lives within me.
and then it all came together: my book is about this very thing. it is about how we can see poetry, photography, and art as tools on our path, and how these tools help us unearth the truths that are whispering inside us. this book is about seeking the beauty in each day, even when that day might also be full of challenges and heartache and fear but also when it is just full of the everyday stuff that life gives us. it is about turning to words and paint and paper to see yourself. it is about picking up your camera to document the life that you are living right now.
and as i live this life and walk on this new path, i realize the gift i have given myself in already having this rhythm with my camera and pen and all that waits for me in the little room. i have given myself a gift of knowing what i need to find the joy and the beauty in this life.
this is why i want to tell you more about Inner Excavation. this is what it it all about. we choose what we shine a light on in our lives. we choose what we see in each moment. we choose. even when life is full of the everyday struggles, we choose. and creating can become the way we document these moments of our truth.
i hope you will join me in a moment of celebrating. because i will own that what that photo above represents is indeed a beautiful page of the book that is my life.