the thoughts, thoughts, thoughts

 

just shy of 36 weeks, about 10 days ago . photo by Jon

oh the monkey mind with its active, neverending jumping from one branch to another combined with pregnancy brain...quite the combination...just a few of the things my brain has sifted through today:

this might be the last day that i spend more than 15 hours on my four jobs (editor, author, etsy shop girl, retreat organizer) for months.

when is the nesting going to cause me to actually dust the dust i see on this table next to me?

i heart iced tea.

love that my hair is wavy when i take it out of the funny poofy buns i had it in today. i should take a photo. right now. but i don't want to move.

millie is the sweetest. how is she going to react to the adventure/noise/craziness that is to come? (ahh...how am i going to react to it?)

something has to be done with the little room this summer. too crowded. horrible light. it needs a makeover.

a book that i wrote is coming out this year. as in coming to a store near you. (breathe)

i can no longer avoid the fact that i am super duper pregnant. me. and instead of being terrified, i am just really looking forward to meeting her. but i am also mystified that she could decide she wants to show up at anytime. like now or now or........now.

why did you let me cut my own bangs when i was tired over the weekend? i am sweeping them to the side hoping no one notices that they are kinda reminiscent of my fifth-grade handiwork years ago.

how many times can one go to the bathroom in one day?

does anyone else wish that their friends lived closer to them or does everyone else just have friends across the street to visit anytime they want?

it is so quiet today. not one phone call.

thank you notes. gotta get on those.

there are members of my family just waiting to become grandparents. i bet that is a very cool feeling.

i wonder if my mom wishes she could talk to her mom about the grandparent thing.

paul simon. love him.

dancing the baby into my pelvis playlist. gotta finish it. so far: home, proud mary, graceland (the entire album), loreena mckennitt, a few from the chocolat soundtrack...what else?

close your eyes right now baby girl and remember who you are.

i wish you were here.

***

a teeny sneak peek about the fall 2010 be present retreat, reveal, is up. more information to come friday!

loving this anne lamott article kelly rae sent me earlier this week.

and this post of jen lee's spoke right to the guts of who i am.

notes for the journey. on a day in may.

 

a little glimpse into a april afternoon with viv (polaroid by viv)

i have been quiet over here. i think it is because i have entered that "whoa, it is getting difficult to get comfortable" stage of things, and resting whenever possible (i.e. not multi-tasking) is where i am trying to dwell. but there is quite a bit to finish in these three weeks before she arrives. we are working on the nursery (but have let go of the need for perfection before she gets here). i am finishing up some more book edits (please let me not be working on them while hanging out in the hospital). i am working on some new pages and other fun things for the be present retreats site, and i am indeed hoping to have the fall retreat information up very soon. and there is that thanks for hanging in there with me (and stopping by to say hello). 

oh and happy mother's day! my sweet husband baked me a cake yesterday to celebrate my first mother's day, but alas there was an accident in the kitchen that created little shards of glass everywhere last evening and a few found there way to the top of the cake. always something. i think there is a plan to make another cake today, but really, it is the thought that counts in this case. it is a beautiful thing to be gently pushed to know that i am indeed already a mama...

and the "nesting thing"...hmm...i suppose it is showing up in little bursts now and then. saturday, i made a quilt top (and i am determined to finish it this week) for the little one's room, along with a patchworked "dresser scarf" that makes me smile. i really do love the rhythm of patchwork.

okay, enough babble, here are a few ponderings and wanderings for you to explore and think about in your own quiet moments...

leah's thank you notes are simply fantastic (via susannah).

danielle's new spot in blog world (and her etsy shop) make me smile.

mindy's birds (and other creations) are full of such whimsy, color, and joy.full.ness (this one will be hanging in the little one's room).

jon and i received this brilliant "baby" book by artist nikki mcclure. we hope to fill out a few pages during those early moments of "do you think i really am in labor?" when we are on the cusp of the adventure that is to come...

mary ann's blog, dispatch from la, is a current favorite. i hope to take her remains of the day workshop later this year. such goodness here.

even though insomnia (and not being able to get comfortable in bed) is not my favorite part of this day, there is something really beautiful about being awake when the birds first start singing there song to welcome the sun. yes. beautiful.

lately, when my mind turns to something that currently has me perplexed and more than a bit sad, i have inhaled deeply and felt my feet under me to know that i am grounded and then exhaled with an image of compassion and love finding its way to all the corners that need light. it helps a bit.

this day.

seeking: where i stand (or my toes beyond the bump)

listening: to laughter and truth and good things while sharing breakfast with a dear friend 

enjoying: little bursts of energy (so more goodies coming to the shop before "maternity leave" begins)

hoping: the sun comes around again tomorrow

planning: curtains + poms for the little one's room

wishing: you were coming for a visit in the next couple of weeks

hearing: "you look really really pregnant from this angle" (said aloud in the backyard this afternoon)

feeling: entranced by this photo (oh and this one)

breathing: through many a moment as the weeks are now filled with one to three appointments to check on the little one (non-stress test does not mean mama is not stressed)

appreciating: jon's endless help (from laundry to lifting to rubbing my back...i am lucky)

knowing: somehow everything is just at it is supposed to be 

spring brings {notes for the journey}

i sometimes am in awe of all that spring can bring. i whisper to myself spring shall return on days when the grey sky mirrors my thoughts...whether that might be a day in october or june or february. it is a persistent truth in our lives: the grey will give way to the light and color. it is a gift we cannot ignore even when we close our eyes to it.

during the last few weeks, a few words and photos have walked across my path that have spoken to this truth that rests inside me. here are a few for you to explore:

vivienne talks about the intense and the soft.

a mermaid shares the truth about being open.

survarna captured the beginnings of blooms.

jenna invites us to take in a springtime blessing.

maddie gently reminds that spring has returned.

meri muses about reality.

darlene gives us the gift of light and shadow.

(thank you to each of you for sharing your light)

notes for the journey. on a day in february, 2010.

 

port townsend . february 20, 2010

christina's new project, a field guide to now, truly rocks. i am simply in awe of how she is putting herself out there to create such a beautiful project that explores how we can stand in the present in our lives. watch the video at the site to understand a bit more about what christina is creating. i can't wait to see how this project blooms...

katie's world is pure magic.

a glimpse into a daughter's love.

last week, viv stayed for the night as she was traveling to portland. we had less than 24 hours together but it was such a gift to see her, to talk and talk, to share ideas. remember to do this, to spend time with those who understand you...even if you have less than 24 hours.

and, on a fun dreaming of spring note: (oh goodness me) this necklace makes me beyond smiley, this hair band is so dreamy, and these polka dots...swoon.

the random thoughts of the last few minutes

strawberries + cream. what more could a girl want really?

today has been too quiet. 

i wrote a rambling complaining sort of a paragraph here and deleted it.

i keep humming "hallelujah" after hearing it on the "hope for haiti" special tonight.

sometimes i wish i could flip a switch and cause my mind to simply settle in for a nap.

when the baby moves, sometimes i feel like she is pulling right on my heart.

sometimes i forget i am pregnant and then the baby will move and for split second i wonder why i am having such odd indigestion.

having a clean house is really the best thing ever.

i wish i could wave a magic wand and all would be okay.

there are still some strawberries and cream in the fridge from last night and i might go have some right now.

though i kind of want a chocolate milk shake.

i wish you were here. 

i hope i am going to be a good mom.

i am taking another breath right now.

and another.

i am trusting in what i know.

i am terrified.

i hope we have blue sky again tomorrow and if we do, i promise to leave the house.

millie is just staring at the door waiting for jon to get home.

may (only) sweet dreams visit you (and me) tonight.

PS more information about the week of pink (that i mentioned in the previous post) to come this weekend. i am thinking photos, stories, whatever you want to share. will post more thoughts soon.

a photo list: pink

Photo credits: 1. Green in the pink, 2. Target Tuesday: Pink Glasses, 3. The Bells Are Ringing!, 4. Tea/Coffee and Books..., 5. Lotus Pink & Green, 6. Pomegranate in pink, 7. Yarn Stash:: Malabrigo, 8. vintage pillowcases, 9. Pink tulips, 10. 181/365: Pink and green should never be seen, 11. vintage pink buttons , 12. 182/365: Purple haze, 13. Spools of Pink, 14. one more time, 15. _MG_0039, 16. a pretty pink bellis tuesday !

As a pink hyacinth begins to bloom in the kitchen windowsill of my newly clean and much more organized home, I am thinking about making next week a week of pink. The truth is that my favorite color is blue. But a dash, just a dash of pink makes me very very happy. And don't get me started on pink buttons. But a dash of pink during a time of year that seems to sometimes be steeped in grey? Yes, I think that sounds just about perfect.

Want to join me for a little pink next week?

notes for the journey. january begins.

 

jam + mascarpone + fresh doughnuts (a very good thing) . lola, seattle, washington

i have been collecting ideas, posts, thoughts during the last few weeks as the new year has approached and arrived. a few that have caught my eye and made me pause (or want to participate):

jen lee's journal along . i am looking forward to opening this journal and writing from my gut this month.

pen's farewell to fear . stay tuned for a photo of my letter inspired by pen.

leonie's invitation to create your goddess year . downloaded this and plan to give myself the gift of time to write in it very soon.

lisa's view of each day as a living prayer . these words keep twirling around in my mind as i look for ways to bring the intention back into each day.

susannah's new desktop wallpaper . this image + words has been a much needed reminder these last few days.

glimpes into katie's journal . i want to reach through the screen and touch these pages. and then i want to invite myself to katie's studio and create create create alongside her. (how i wish i had the time to participate in misty's art journal along this month. maybe when this writing is done i will jump in.)

spending time reading habit . hula is posting over there this month and i was reminded to add it to my daily reading. how i love this blog.

and you? have you found anything lately that has caused you to pause or want to participate? please share...