i want to remember

I want to remember the way you started calling me "Honey" this summer. It equal parts cracks me up and delights me.

I want to remember the sound of your laughter when you say something that you think is so funny.

I want to remember the way you reach for my hand on the evenings I chant to you just before you fall asleep. 

I want to remember the sound of you sounding out words and the look on your face when you figure it out.

I want to remember the way you're growing up as you pause and notice the way your words and actions affect others. It's a huge piece to understand, and I'm so proud of you.

I want to remember when your counselor at camp said, "Has Eleanor told you that she's become one of our best sharers?" and your face beemed when we told Daddy all about it later.

I want to remember the conversations we're having about just playing when it comes to creativity instead of worrying about "being good." I hope you always remember that playing with paint and paper and pens and color and glue is at its core fun.

I want to remember the joy surrounding you when you ran into the studio and said, "Mama, I taught myself how to swing today!" and explained how you are climbing onto the swing yourself and pumping your legs.

I want to remember the way you so often want to do what I'm doing. If I open my journal and start doodling, you want to play in your journal. If I go into the studio, you are close behind me ready to "help make things for your shop mama. I want to help you make things for the ladies." If I'm looking through a magazine, you want your own. I know it won't always be like this, but it's special to connect with you about the little things that bring me joy.

I want to remember that moment when I looked at you and realized you are a big kid now. And I want to remember the moment right before that one too. 

photo by Tara Whitney 

blue moon dreaming

  

Last week, we had a blue moon, which means we had an extra full moon during this season. And as Pixie explained in her newsletter, it's rare. The next one won't be until 2018. Pixie went on to talk about creating a ceremony where you honor nature's magical cycles and the wisdom inside you and create an intention for yourself that you sing to the moon (literally or in a metaphorical way). 

So I read her words and thought about the kind of ceremony I wanted to create. I love her imagery of the full moon bringing things into the light. But then I didn't set aside the alone time to do it. Summer evenings have a way of getting away from me, and I simply didn't plan well enough to make it happen.

However, I found myself awake in the middle of the night with that moon shining in on me. And I started thinking.

I started thinking about this place where I'm standing these days with a desire to step onto a larger stage. A desire to expand and create the gatherings and teachings and other good things that support women as they create space for quiet, for stillness, and for joy, as they navigate what it means to really live in the space between the beauty and the mess one move at a time. A desire to dive deep and trust that you will come along.

And I started thinking about the longings I have for my own little family, for my day-to-day life. 

Words like courage and "do it anyway" and listen and softness and "tell it" and "focus in" and "what can you set down?" began to float up around me as the moon was shining in.

As I laid there, my head on the pillow, the fan whirring while Jon slept beside me, I tried to just stay in it, breathing, noticing, letting the words and hopes swirl together in a dance and then settle around me. Inhale. Exhale. Trusting the holiness of the moment.

Later in the day, I went out to my studio and gathered up visual reminders that represented that dance and put them on my pinboard so I could see them every day, so I could stand tall in this intention and desire.

No, it wasn't the ceremony I envisioned at first, but instead it became a powerful declaration of who I am right now and where I want to go all while surrounded by the powerful wisdom and strength of so many of my kindreds.

This inspiration board includes postcards and artwork from the following beautiful souls (clockwise from the top left): 

• Pixie Lighthorse's bear postcard from her animal deck
• Andrea Jenkin's photo of hands covered in paint
• Quote from Ali Makes Mail
• Lori Portka's deer postcard from her Gratitude Kit
• Elise Blaha Cripe's ampersand postcard
• My own peony photo, love note, alchemy card from one of Mindy Tsonas' classes, and the photo Jenna took of my hands holding peony petals at the last retreat.
• Kelly Barton's feather painting
• Another quote from Ali Makes Mail
• A card from my One Move mini inspiration deck
• A little original painting from Christine Mason Miller
• A little card of brilliance that came with my Get to Work Book
• An Amy Poehler quote from Ali Makes Mail
• An original painting from Danielle Daniel
• And the Hello Beautiful Soul postcard from my shop

These colors, these women, these hopes, this belief that I can embody the life I want, this is a peek at my heart these days.

And I'm putting a note in my Get to Work Book to change this up monthly so I can keep that energy, that inspiration and connection, flowing. Yes yes yes.

and then on a day in June

There are so many stories inside me about the photos I don't have. 

Over the years I've seen so many mama and baby photos and I've wished I had those photos. Those gorgeous, real-life, this is holy and hard and gorgeous photos of a mama with her baby. I've wished I'd had a photographer take photos of my little family when Ellie was born, and then right before her surgery, and then right after, and then when she was one and two...

Of course, this wishing hasn't meant that I haven't been present to the beauty of the everyday moments. Noticing the everyday beauty is "my jam" as they say.

But you can be present to that beauty and still wish sometimes.

I wanted a photo that captured how it felt to be her mama. A photo that captured the joy that is there even if only at the edges some days. A photo that said, "Amidst it all, she feels this joy, this love." A photo that said, "You're doing a good job Mama. You really are." A photo that captured both of us - the magic, the silliness, the softness, the connection. A photo that would gently push me to shed another layer of how I wish that first year could have been for her, for us. And honestly, a photo that did all that while capturing me in a way that wouldn't distract me from the story. I wanted to feel beautiful in that photo.

Of course I could tell the story with my words and with my camera and I have again and again. And that piece is so important. Self-healing, as my friend Pam says, is an important piece of unpacking the stories and feeling seen by one's self, which is vital in my opinion. But still, I felt that ache of wanting to be seen by someone who would deeply get it. I wanted to hold that evidence in my hands so I simply couldn't deny it.

And then on a day in June, Tara Whitney arrived, and Ellie took her hand within minutes and said, "Come and see my room." And a little girl's laughter and a photographer's wisdom and kindness created space for me to relax into myself, to relax into that joy and love. And before I even saw the photos, that little wish that was more like a crack in my heart stitched right up. 

There are so many gorgeous photos from this day that I'll be sharing, including one of me and Jon that has me saying, "Yes, this is exactly how I feel" even when that feeling can feel far away from time to time after this many years together. And several of all three of us that make my heart burst with joy. But this photo. This one. I had to show you because I'm so grateful for the ways you've held my story these past few years and I knew you would get it. 

Photo by Tara Whitney (who is full of magic and grace and delight.)

let it be simple

Bonnie snapped this photo last week of a corner of my desk in the studio, and it just sums up the mantra I need right now. Today, I'm alone here at home for a few hours, and all I want to do is just sit in the quiet and be still for a while. No work. No people. No social media. No business strategies. Just quiet. Just me. 

My list of posts I want to write and things I need to do is long. And I'm excited about so much on that list. But there is also the piece of needing rest. Of needing space. Of needing to let it be simple.

And I don't mean suddenly deciding to declutter or try a capsule wardrobe or make a big change that actually isn't simple at all (for me) but seems like it should be, which is a move I often make when these feelings arrive.

No.

I mean listening even more closely to the deep desires within me and moving from there.

Letting it be simple by continuing to shed the shoulds and the "who do you think you are" stories that try to crowd back inside my brain and heart even when I think I released them long ago.

Letting it be simple by opening up and sharing more of the stories here even if it's hard to know if anyone is actually reading them because we're so focused on scrolling and likes and social media strategies these days.

Letting it be simple by recognizing that I'm only one person but that I can ask for help.

Letting it be simple by making one move toward the longings. (Just one move today.)

Letting it be simple by saying no.

Letting it be simple by saying the deep, true "Yes" when it calls to me.

Letting it be simple by showing up and letting the words just come out onto the page even if they're clunky.

Letting it be simple by just being me.

That doesn't mean it is easy. 

No.

It means that so often we look for the answers outside ourselves when we simply, truly, need to step back and find that quiet and simply look within.

And listen.

So I'm off to sit in the quiet for a bit this morning before diving back into the juiciness this afternoon.

When your soul is saying you need to be alone in the quiet, I've learned that you should listen honey.

Because that's the kind of should that isn't a should at all but is instead your own wisdom guiding you.

Yes.

i see you

self-portrait, Taos, July 2014

I see you there heart beating in your hand, words pour from it amid tears, old stories, and new-found wisdom. I see you choosing, building, stepping forward to claim the path. I see you loosening the grip on the envy, the misunderstandings, the way it shoud have been. I see you sloughing it off (sloughing so much off) so you can feel the light upon your new-grown skin. I see you stepping forward onto this ready ground.

And you are so beautiful.

*****

We're just finishing Chapter 4 of Inner Excavation as part this summer's Inner Excavate-along. That chapter steps into self-portraiture as a way to tell your story and rereading it inspired me to want to tell more stories using this tool that is so dear to me. This week, I've been sifting through my archives finding self-portraits I haven't edited or shared. A series I took last summer in Taos pushed me to play with the prompt "I see you" and uncover some truths from then and from now. It's felt like I've had a lot of stories I've wanted to share in this space but they have remained close to me or shared in snippets in conversations here and there for months. But I'm ready to let them start dripping out in poem notes and stories and photos.

If you'd like to play along and join in the Inner Excavate-along, you're invited to sign up at any time. Learn more right here.

five {really} good things

a card from my new One Move mini-deck

It's been a while since I did a five {really} good things post. I'm trying to get back to more blogging and more sharing here, so when the muse pulled me to want to share these things today, I listened.

1) I'm starting my days with lemon water over here (and drinking it throughout the day), and it has become a really good thing for my belly. I've done this in the past, but am trying to make it a daily self-care move.

2) I gathered up 10 of my favorite books to help you practice self-care in this article. I could add a lot more, but these give you a really good start. (And I just ordered a stack of new ones, so I'll be writing some book review posts here over the next few weeks too!)

3) My Week in the Life kit arrived! I'm so excited to participate in Ali's Week in the Life project next month. I'm one of those on-again mostly off-again want-to-be scrapbookers and this project and the kit that goes with it is helping me make this manageable for me. I've spent too much time "shaming" myself around how I don't do Project Life every week (or ever these days), and I'm ready to get off that train. If these words resonate with you, think about joining in. Learn more right here.

4) I'm delighted to be a contributor to Jessica's Summer Slowdown next month. It's a free daily email that invites you to take a deep breath and be present every day. Love this!

5) My Kata Fringe earrings from Lynzee Lynx make me so happy! Her shop is full of so many good things.

+1) The image above is from my new "One Move" mini-inspiration deck that I created for the beautiful souls who attended my One Move Retreat and who are joining me for Back to the Basics. I couldn't stop myself from ordering extras, so there are 15 sets in the shop right here. The mini-deck is just $8.

7 favorite coloring books for adults {screen-free time together}

While I was planning June's One Move Retreat, I began to think about the Bold Moves I wanted to make in my own life. One move that fell into the "everyday life" bold move category was "Making Dinner and Eating Every Night at the Table." As I took that Bold Move through the process that I taught the women at the retreat and began to feel the weight of somehow figuring out how to make that happen, I realized the feelings and desires under this declaration were summed up better by "More Screen-Free Time Together." 

And when I say "screen-free," I'm usually talking about me. Ellie's only five and we haven't yet had a problem with her wanting to be on an iPad more than wanting to do things with us. She does watch TV, but often says, "I'm ready to turn this off now." This doesn't mean that we don't have issues with it all from time to time, but I'm the one who is running several aspects of my business from (almost) every device in the house and I'm the one who has trouble implementing "business hours" when it comes to my Facebook groups and customer emails. So sometimes I have to be pushed to set aside time without the phone. Jon's on his phone more and more these days, so it is good for him to put it away too.

As parents of a little one, it is so easy to feel like we're taking a few moments "for ourselves" when we look at our phones while they are busy playing, but sometimes, not always but sometimes, we are disconnecting from our lives, from the beauty in our homes, from noticing the little nuances in our child's and family's life when we just quickly check to see if anyone has liked our cute photo of our kid on Instagram.

So a few months ago, I began gathering a few "go-to" moves that we could do during some screen-free time together. I'm going to share them in a series of posts in the hopes that they inspire you to take some screen-free time for yourself whether you have kids or not.

First up: Coloring!

You might have noticed that coloring is in. And by in, I mean it is EVERYWHERE! You can't walk into any bookstore or even a gift shop without seeing coloring books for adults and kids. 

A few months back I wrote about the mindfulness of coloring, and since then, it's gotten even bigger.

Coloring has become one of my family's current favorite activities. In the summer, we're spending time outside on quilts in the backyard and coloring and doing other crafts, and we're using coloring as a way to quiet down in the evenings. Bed time has been a struggle some evenings. I find that it we turn off the tv and say no to a special movie night even though it's summer and it sometimes feels like every night could become movie night because no one has to get up early for school the next day, we all feel a bit more centered and less grumpy the next day. Having a family activity before bed seems to be helping this. (Of course we don't do this every night. But the ease that we find when we do is something I'm noticing.)

Usually we each choose a coloring book and then take our plastic tub of colored pencils to the table or backporch and play some music and quietly color. And again, of course it isn't always full of ease. But we are getting into a groove with this one.

Here are my current seven favorite coloring books for adults that we're having fun with over here. Ellie sometimes colors in these books and sometimes colors in her other books. We find that the books with more details, like most of these, are better suited for colored pencils or a very fresh box of crayons. 

1. Creative Coloring Inspirations by Valentina Harper

We just call this one the "Today is going to be awesome" book because of the image on the cover. I love Valentina's artwork and was completely delighted to find her series of coloring books. I highly recommend them especially if you want to color really intricate designs. With this specific book there are encouraging and inspirational phrases throughout that you can hang on your wall when you finish. We're also sending some in the mail to friends and family. The pages are easy to tear out, which is another awesome feature.

2. Secret Garden: An Inky Treasure Hunt and Coloring Book by Johanna Basford

This book is so gorgeous inside. It has quite a few details but they aren't super small, so I found it really relaxing. I also like that the pages are cream, which makes me feel like I don't have to color in every bit of white space. It includes a little treasure hunt inside, like a Look and Find book, and Ellie loves this part.

Note that this one is temporarily out of stock on Amazon but it looks like you can still order it. I found mine at our local Barnes and Noble. And it looks like you can find it at Paper Source and Urban Outfitters has the Enchanted Forest edition.

3. Just about any mandala coloring book

Jon loves coloring mandalas, and his current favorites are Mandala Designs from Peter Pauper Press, Creative Coloring Mandala Expressions also by Valentina Harper, and Mandala Design Coloring Book by Jenean Morrison. Next on his list is 

4. Just Add Color Botanicals by Lisa Congdon

This coloring book is gorgeous. The pages are nice and thick so you could easily use fine point markers or even watercolors to color the pages. The designs are detailed but not tiny. And you can easily tear out the pages. This is one I'd take with me to a coffee shop to color for a while before picking Ellie up from school and sit there with a few colors and just have fun. It's temporarily out of stock at Amazon, but available at Barnes and Noble online.

5. Calming Colouring: Patterns by Graham Leslie McCallum

This one is great for all ages. Ellie has claimed it as hers, and the repeat patterns actually do seem to center her as she chooses her colors and gets into a rhythm. Some of the patterns aren't as intricate as other coloring books out there, and I think that will appeal to those who want to finish a complete page in one sitting. The designs are a bit more streamlined too. I also like the Nature Patterns edition in this series.

6. Flow Magazine's Coloring Book by Helen Dardik and Carolyn Gavin

I stumbled across this one in the magazine section of Barnes and Noble. It's published by Flow Magazine. It's a very sweet coloring book full of images that just make me smile. Ellie loves it too. You can order it from Flow Magazine here (and see examples of pages).

7. Dapper Animals by Thaneeya McArdle

This one is our newest coloring book and it just makes me so happy. From an octopus playing a guitar to a llama in a winter hat, it is full of so many delightful characters to color and make your own. Fun for all ages because while there are a lot of details, the patters aren't too intricate.

Of course you do not need this many coloring books to get started. Just choose one! And have fun! I'll be bringing these to my next retreat so that the ladies can enjoy diving into this world of coloring and learn first hand how it becomes a really beautiful self-care pracitce.

Note: Most of these links are to Amazon, but I've also had a lot of luck finding several of these on sale at Zulily from time to time. Most of these links are affiliate, which means I receive a small commission if you purchase through the site. 

in case you need some encouragement {i heart makers}

Love this quote print from Parada Creations

One of my favorite things to pin is quotes (and products with words) because they are like little whispered truths (or loud reminders when needed) that invite us to think about the ways we really want to live. At least once a month, my {i heart makers} series is going to feature items with quotes and words that I hope will shake things up a bit for you and invite you to pay attention or, like this week, remind you that you're not alone.

A few people in my life are going through "stuff" in the way that happens from time to time. Maybe you have some people in your world having a hard time too or maybe that person is you. Here's a handful of my current favorite items that are handmade or designed by makers that fall in the "words of encouragement" category.

This "you are loved" mug from pinkoliveinc has been a favorite of mine for years. So sweet. And would make a beautiful gift.

Love this reminder that "you are part of something beautiful." Such an awesome t-shirt from Perusha People.

Because sometimes we just need to be reminded to keep believing (and to sing Journey). Love this print from Virginia Kraljevic

The Instant Comfort Pocket Boxes by Kim Welling are one of my favorite things on Etsy. Simple. Delightful. Heartfelt. Yes.

I don't think we can hear "you are enough" too often in our lives. When I first started hammering versions of "i am enough" and "you are enough" into lockets years ago, there was just one other shop using that phrase on Etsy. Now you can find these words on so many products, and I think that is so awesome. These two caught my eye this week.

Love the happy colors in this print by pen and paint (and you can choose a colorful version when you order).

And this mug from LilyAndVal is really lovely. 

And finally, this print from Read Between the Lines just makes me happy. I can just imagine seeing it every day in my home knowing that someone in the world feels that way about me. Would be pretty awesome.

An invitation: Are you a maker? Share a little about you and your shop with a link to your site in the comments so I can visit. Would love to possibly feature you in a future post.

Note that some of these links are affiliates, which means I receive a small commission if you purchase through the link.