overflowing

I'm in the middle of hosting the One Move Retreat on the Oregon Coast and my heart is overflowing.

There is so much tucked inside the corners of those words.

There are pieces of who I am, who I was, and who I am becoming.

There are stories and dreams I was afraid to speak out loud and love and that cliche about jumping off the cliff and your wings will appear (okay maybe it is more poetic and you instead come to "the edge" and your wings will carry you but either way it takes crazy guts and a belief in yourself that is astounding and terrifying).

There are years of finding my way and trusting that telling the true stories would lead me here and clunky conversations and deep hugs.

There are moments of wondering if I could carry this tune on my own and sitting in the quiet until the answers were revealed and dancing again and again to Taylor Swift's "Welcome to New York" while letting the words wash over me like a prayer of understanding.

And there is a fierce desire to just answer the question: Is this possible?

Today, I want to leave you with this: One reason to take self-portraits is to gather evidence of those questions deep in our soul. To find proof that we're inside the joy.

So often I take them to chronicle the tough stuff, to make sense out of the grief and the not knowing and the hope. And that is such a beautiful and important practice.

But it is just as important to chronicle the joy. The real, from the guts, "I'm just going to trust that it will always come back" joy.

If ever there was a moment to hashtag blessed this is it people. This. Is. It.

(Thank you for reading my words. For sitting beside me in that quiet. For pushing me to trust my crazy dreams. For listening to my true stories.)

current beauty faves

Every single time I post an Instagram selfie wearing one of my favorite lipsticks, I get a question or two about them. So I thought I'd post my current favorite colors and share a few of my other current favorite beauty supplies.

1) Aveda lipstick. I love the way it glides on, the colors!, how long it stays on my lips, and how moisturizing it is. I have literally found my favorite lipstick ever (though I still dream about Maple Sugar and wonder if Estee Lauder still makes it - just went and looked, they do!!). My favorite Aveda colors are butternut, fossil (not shown), poppy, and sheer taro. Wild fuchsia is the bright one above and I'm looking forward to having a bit more of a summer glow before using it daily. It is a very happy bright color.

2) I probably say, "Dry shampoo is my new BFF" out loud about about three times a week over here. I find that if wash my hair just about 2-3 times a week, it is much healthier. Enter dry shampoo on Day 3. I've tried a few over the years, but this one from Batiste is my favorite.

3) I've been using Chanel mascara for about a year and I'm in love. In. Love. (And I recently started using purple. Yep. I'm that girl.)

4) When I was in San Francisco earlier this spring with my friend Dona, we came across Benedetta skin care. I've been using the Neroli Hydrating Elixir for about 6 weeks now and really like it. I actually loved the smells of everything they had, and I'm really picky when it comes to how things smell. I use it at night and pair it with the Palmarosa oil in the mornings.

5) On those days when I look as tired as I feel, I use Pixi Eye Bright Liner. It is pretty awesome. (I also have a set similar to the Eye Bright Kit and it's pretty awesome.) 

What are your go-to favorites? I'd love to know!

(Note that some of the links above are affiliates, which means I sometimes receive a small commission when you purchase through the links.)

I'm thinking about...

I'm thinking about how my dear friend is probably going to lose all her hair this month because she starts chemo next week.

I'm thinking about how good this cold brew coffee tastes with vanilla almond milk and how I probably can't let myself buy almond milk anymore because of the drought in California.

I'm thinking about that moment when Ellie got down on the floor next to Millie yesterday and whispered to her and then stood up and said, "I was just chanting to Millie to let her know she can keep sleeping. I love chanting to Millie and to my stuffed animals every night." Earlier that day when I'd started chanting a song to Ganesha as I put our new statue of him on our very messy but made with love (and a side of dust) family altar, she said, "I hate it when you chant."

I'm thinking about how easy it is to judge someone else's parenting when you see snippets of a life online or even in person. 

I'm thinking about how we try on words and roles and ways of being in the world when we're five and when we're 35 and when we're 65.

I'm thinking about how many visits and trips are on our summer calendar and that I get to choose the boundaries I set about my own self-care needs and how I react to the self-care needs of others.

I'm thinking about the moment we were in Seattle over the weekend and I noticed that I still really don't feel like we live here even though it has been 11 years. Outside the city and inside the city aren't the same thing. I want more inside the city moments but maybe I actually want them in my own town.

I'm thinking about how we sat in an ice cream shop yesterday and it felt very Portland with the adorable hipster guys scooping ice cream in their shirts decorated with popsicles and the tip jar wearing a bow tie and then as Jon and I chatted about how cool it is that they opened I found them on Instagram and realized they'd been open for a year and they are less than two miles from our house.

I'm thinking about the magic that is just sitting inside my studio waiting to become talismans and touchstones that people hold in their hands.

I'm thinking about the conversations I've been having with the ladies coming to One Move and the awesome peeps who dove into my Back to the Basics beta test. And I'm convinced that these real, raw, hilarious at times, sincere, honest, gorgeous conversations about how we build a bridge between daily life and more really good days, between daily life and the longings inside us, are the conversations I want to be having with you every single day moving forward.

I'm thinking about how I thought I had to create a new guidebook to how to build this bridge but realized I already had volume one in the form of Inner Excavation. We could call it Step 1: Get to know the one person you'll be spending the most time with as you build this bridge.

I'm thinking about all the scary stuff in the world and I'm thinking about all the beauty people are creating with their hearts, with their hands, with their words, with their little moves in their corners of the world, and I'm convinced that we're all going to be okay, that there is more love than we can imagine available to us when we reach out our hands, that there really is someone out there just waiting for you to say, "You can sit right here beside me."

I'm thinking about how glad I am to be sitting beside you today.

{Thoughts from the back porch while eating peanut butter on raisin toast on June 10, 2015}

here

 

Over here there's been peonies (all the time) and a last day of school and turning 5 and turning 39 and turning 47 and to-do list organizing and lots of flag making and jewelry making and retreat prepping and cake eating and lip sync practicing and really good book reading and mama daughter dates. 

Over here there's been popsicles and laughter and wishing for do-overs and a little voice saying, "Mama, can you chant to me again while I go to sleep?"

Over here there's been deep breaths and late nights and one perfect moment resting in bed with the windows open to the birds singing and my family laughing down the hall.

And there's been unicorns. Always, always unicorns.

a quiet revolution

I’m sharing a story today as part of the launch of the new site Quiet Revolution. It’s co-founded by Susan Cain, author of the best-selling book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.

I was lucky enough to see Susan speak at WDS a few summers ago and the topic of her book deeply resonated with me. She’s giving a voice to what introverts experience in our current world and it is powerful (just listen to her Ted talk).  

A peek into my own journey as an introvert comes up in one of the phrases that has become central to what I share with women I work with: Just show up as you.

It’s why I created my retreats. I wanted women to be able to set down the expectations they feel in their daily lives, to set down the roles they play, to set down who they think they are supposed to be, and come to a safe and creative environment where they can show up as themselves. 

But here’s what I know: This isn’t always easy.

We go through life feeling the push and pull of wanting to be seen as ourselves but also wanting people to like us. We look at a situation and try to figure out the best way to move through it. We want to thrive in our lives and we want to be loved.

Oh this being human is a wondrous wacky adventure.

As a child, one of the things that was often said about me was, “You’re so serious.” I interpreted this to mean: You’re too serious. You’re no fun. You aren’t funny. And people don’t really want to be around you.

Whoa. That is a lot for a little one to be navigating.

Looking back, I know that what I was really doing was honing in on one of my superpowers:

I take things seriously.

What does that mean? Well here’s a peek at what it means for me:

• It means I’m able to create safe space for women to talk about the tough stuff that happens in their lives. 
• It means I’m standing tall in the belief that we hold the beauty of life in one hand and the grief of life in the other. 
• It means I’m able to hold space when someone shares a story that comes from the guts, from their heart. 
• It means I invite others to honor the messy, hard stuff and still seek the joy. 
• It means I let myself feel all the feelings when navigating through my own life. 
• It means I’ve come to understand that walking through the woods alone and pausing to take five deep breaths in the middle of my day supports me and helps me listen and make sense of things.

It’s why I do the work I do.

This realization that being serious is a superpower has helped me to show up as me and helped me to find my kindreds who see me for me. And here’s the important piece: They really see me because I let them.

When I show up as me, I shed those old stories around what “being serious” means and move from a more confident and grounded place. In many ways it is a more vulnerable place but it’s also filled with a lot more joy.

And I’m learning how to set boundaries about what I do and do not want to do when my introvert buttons get pushed. Leading my own retreats? Yes. Being the room parent at my daughters school? Nope. Volunteering to help in the classroom? Yes (from time to time). Organizing a big party for her 5th birthday complete with homemade activities even though I’m thought of as the crafty mom? Nope. And how the list goes on.

I’m finding my way. I’m learning how to listen to what I need and what I know so that I can still show up as me as best as I can in certain situations. And I’m resisting the temptation to judge and compare and instead hold space for all of us to show up as ourselves. 

This piece is always a work in progress, which is one of the many reasons I’m glad that Susan has launched this Quiet Revolution.  

There is space for everyone, for all of our quirks and strengths. Yes.

So come over and join the Quiet Revolution. It’s an online community created to connect and empower introverts around the world. You can join the community and get a free copy of The Power of Introverts: 9 Best-Love Stores by Susan Cain.

Quiet Revolution is a mission-based company whose goal is to unlock the power of introverts for the benefit of all. With your help, we hope to inspire all personality types to embrace their quiet strengths and create a world where introverts are celebrated for their valuable contributions and, more importantly, for who they are.

flag sets are in the shop!

Over Memorial Day weekend, Ellie and I made a set of prayer flags for her room and another set to hang outside on my studio. It was pretty magical! I want to tell the whole story of making them with Ellie in another post soon (it was her first time sewing with a sewing machine!), but today, I want to share that I had so much fun creating them that I couldn't stop myself from wanting to make more. So I'm having a pre-sale of flag sets in the shop!

I've been creating flag sets in various styles for almost 10 years. All my flag sets are inspired by Tibetan Buddhist prayer flags and Apache burden baskets. As I create them, I'm singing away in my studio as I infuse them with love and joy and wishes of light and peace for you. When you hang them inside or outside your home, let them carry your prayers, wishes, burdens, hopes, worries, and deepest dreams and then release them into the world as they blow in the breeze. 

These flag sets are available just through Thursday of this week! Creating these brings me so much joy, but due to time and other projects, these flags aren't always available in the shop. So if you'd like a set or two, place your order now. They'll come packaged in a sweet little cloth bag ready to give as a gift or hang up in your home. 

practicing self-care even in the summer

Over here, we're navigating that slide toward the end of the school year. Because Jon's a teacher and Ellie is now in school full-time, our lives revolve around the school schedule, which I'm sure many of you can relate to.

And here's the truth: I'm so used to my schedule as I work from home during the day that I've been known to dread summer a bit.

I mean I love summer. And of course I love my family.

But they are both home. 24-7. Okay not always 24-7 but I've found it very hard to create a schedule for all of us that works.

Maybe because I don't really create one.

(This is turning into true confessions.)

And although there are many beautiful, fun, love-filled moments as a family in the summer, there's also the reality that: Mama needs to work!

As I continue to look for ways to build my own bridge between the everyday stuff and more really really good days, I'm thinking about how this summer can feel different for all of us.

And one huge piece stands out to me: Not only do I need to simply sit down with Jon and look at the calendar and think about how to shift my work schedule, I also have to restructure my own self-care.

This means making a list of self-care moves that will support me (and my family) this summer. For example:

• Pausing to just notice and seeking beauty in the inbetween spaces.
• Taking those five deep breaths.
• Asking for what I need (for real...instead of resenting that someone isn't reading my mind).
• Scheduling in rest and quiet time in our days.
• Identifying little things that bring me joy this time of year and making them happen (watercolor picnics! painted toenails! flowers in pots outside! lazy days in the backyard on quilts!).
• Creating an updated family self-care journal.
• And taking time to add and subtract things from this list to make self-care really manageable for myself this summer.

If you'd like support in figuring out the self-care practices that you need this summer, come along to Water Your Mama Soul, my ongoing 10-day ecourse for women who are ready to take time for themselves so they can be even more present to their loved ones and their life. 

This can be the summer you remember you even as you experience carpooling to camp and family reunions and weddings and hot hot hot days and siblings together all.the.time. and how the list goes on.

This can be the summer where you look at yourself in the mirror and say, "You got this kid."

This can be the summer where you create space for more joy and more ease.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Sign up right here.

sloughing it off {because this is self-care}

I get in the shower and let the hot water rush onto my body. I stand there for a minute or so. Just being. Then I shampoo and wash my hair, sometimes pretending I'm standing under a waterfall like I used to pretend when I was a kid. My body begins to relax as my shoulders move away from my ears, my forehead relaxes, eyebrows un-tense, spine settles.

Here.

Then my big moment of self-care arrives: I open a jar of sugar scrub and scoop some into both hands. I move my hands across my chest, shoulders, elbows. I sometimes gently scrub my c-section scar.

I imagine that I'm sloughing off the pieces of the day. The stuff that doesn't serve me anymore. I imagine that I'm clearing the way for whatever is to come, for the shiny newness underneath the old.

Sometimes I even purposefully take a shower to slough off a particularly hard day or conversation that didn't go as planned. I imagine that I am pulling out the energy that's settled inside me from the experience. Gently rubbing in circles across my heart, down my arms, sometimes even ever so gently across my face.

Scrubbing. Sloughing. Gently clearing away.

A simple act of self-care that reminds me that I get to choose what I hold onto. I get to choose how I react to my day. And it simply makes me feel good too.

I really love my time in the shower. The quiet space of water and warmth brings me back to center. I am one of those people who has a lot of really good ideas in the shower, so I keep dry erase markers in the bathroom so I can write the ideas onto the mirror when I get out so I don't forget them. I can focus in while also relaxing enough so that ideas can rise up to the surface. I also find myself feeling all the feelings in the shower, and it cocoons me so I can feel a sense of space just for me.

But with a little one around, sometimes shower time becomes a time when she wants to talk with me while sitting on the stool in front of this sink or look at a book while just being in the bathroom with me or just peek in to see what I'm up to. This practice of sloughing is off is one I can turn to even when my time alone has become time to chat with Mama. I can still choose to inhale the lavender and be right here even when my daughter is chattering away about what playground we're going to go to when I get out of the shower.

Self-care doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to look like what someone else is doing. It just needs to fill you up. Yes. Yes. Yes.