can you choose love today?

It didn’t go the way you planned
(this day, this moment,
this month, this time in your life)

Can you still choose love?

You weren’t your best self
(your ego was in charge
you got caught up
in envy
popularity
silliness
simply wanting to be liked)

Can you still choose love?

You said things you didn’t mean
(or didn’t even understand
or didn’t even realize
because you were so caught up in the old stories)

Can you still choose love?

You have a tight grasp on what was
(you feel lost
disappointed
forgotten)

Can you still choose love?

You miss a piece of who you used to be
(you’ve tried to hide
or pretend you haven’t noticed
or stuffed the feelings down so very deep)

Can you still choose love?

Today
here
this moment
Can
you
choose
love?

I know it’s hard sometimes
I know the push and pull of life can feel heavy
I know the roles you move in and out of stack up
I know you thought being an adult would be easier
I know you have so many stories inside you

I know
Oh honey
I know

Today, I make a choice
one I’ve made many times
one that can still feel hard
Today,
I walk down the hall
stand in front of the mirror
close my eyes
one breath
then another
then another
then two more
and then I open my eyes and say,
I love you

Join me
Choose love today
Yes

***

I often read my posts aloud once before posting. When I did this today, these words felt like a powerful declaration. So I pressed record in case you need to hear them too. Just click "choose love" below to listen. You can also right-click and save.

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choose love

yarn goodness (a guest post from my mom)

When this cowl meets wrap started showing up in my Instagram feed, I began to get notes and emails from the knitters among you asking for more details. As I've mentioned, my mom has taken up knitting after about a 30 year break, and I'm lucky to be on the receiving end of many of her current projects. 

I've been wanting a wrap like this one for a long time. I pinned several possibilities from Etsy shops and tried to crochet one for myself (which is sitting unfinished in the yarn project basket hiding behind my couch as I type this). When my mom found a pattern that she thought she could adapt for this kind of look, I said a big "YES!" And now I'm hoping she'll make me two or three more.

I asked her to share some more details about the pattern and yarn for those of you who knit (keep in mind she mentions making it a bit bigger for me because I wanted to truly wear it as a wrap and I'm curvy). In her note below, she also mentions where she bought those little flower pins I've been wearing with my headbands (shown in this post).

Dear Liz,

Here is the information your knitting friends would need to create the knitted shoulder wrap I made you:

The wrap is based on the Ella Textured Cowl designed by Rosemary Drysdale, a free pattern from Tahki Stacy Charles, Inc.  I simply increased the size in width (in three stitch increments to keep the pattern) and length and used an 8 needle (rather than the 7 in the pattern to increase the stretch). This wrap (cowl) is not knitted in the round - it is seamed once the desired length is reached. For your shoulder wrap I added the three inches in length (again stopping at an appropriate place to keep the pattern) so it would comfortably reach around your shoulders.

I used Tahki yarn: Savoy, in the cinnamon color which is color 17. This is an Italian yarn with a great 'feel' when knitting as it is 52% silk and 48% Merino wool. After seeing a completed cowl done in red Savoy at Nan's Needleworks (in Horseshoe Bay, Texas), I purchased the Savoy yarn there and received the pattern at the same time. 

Additionally you have asked about the flower pins you've been wearing with your headbands. I purchased the alpaca flower pins and Ellie's hand embroidered alpaca poncho at Rainbow's End Alpacas in Norway, Michigan. All of these items were handmade in Peru of Peruvian Alpaca. 

 

I hope this answers the questions.

 

Love,

Mom 

*****

a note about the photo at the top of this post :: It is pretty intense for a self-portrait photographer to let someone else take her photo. But in this case, I wanted a quick photo of me that showed another angle of this wrap without needing to set up a timer and other things. So I asked Jon to take a photo with my iphone. At this point he knows I want the camera to be slightly higher than my eyes (because it is a more flattering angle for me as it usually is for curvy girls). And then, instead of bracing for a photo I knew I wouldn't like, I tried to just look at the camera with love. For him. For me. Try this the next time someone is about to take your photo. Look with love. (And it is also totally okay to say, "Hey, can you raise your camera a bit?" Say what you need because it is a photo of you afterall.)

five {really} good things and a giveaway

1) Loving the new illustrated Moleskine journals that Kelly Barton has in her shop. I have one tucked into my purse to catch ideas when they come to me when I am out and about. Love is All You Need paired with that happy bunting is my favorite. She's mentioned that will even make custom Mokeskines for you! (And she's giving one away today. See the bottom of this post for more info!)

2) Ellie's new decision that my name is Mama Kitty and she is "Baby Kitty. NOT Ellie Kitty. And NOT Baby Ellie Kitty. JUST Baby Kitty." Love that when she came home yesterday she said to me as I walked into the house from the studio, "Mama Kitty get over here!" There is magic in the air in the midst of the intensity of every day with a toddler. And that magic side by side with the chaos is where I find the joy waiting for me again and again.

3) The truth on this mug is holding my hand on the days I need this reminder to just trust how it all is unfolding around me (mug from The Universe Knows).

4) I've mentioned Anna Wingfield's shop before, but I just have to tell you about two more of her products that I've been using lately because I'm just so happy to have found a "go-to" natural essences shop with products made by someone who puts so much heart into her work. 

I go through cycles of not sleeping well (this is NOT the good thing) and in December I had a series of nights where I kept having some really bad dreams. It was pretty intense. For the last couple of weeks I've been using Anna's Angel Whispers Sleeping Potion. I spray it on my pillow before I lay down each night (it has this lovely lavender smell). And I've been sleeping better. No bad dreams.

Yesterday, I had a horrible "going to bed now is the only choice" headache, and used the Migraine Relief I had actually purchased for Jon to use for his migraines. Breathing in the mint + eucalyptus smell calmed me and took a big bite out of that intense pain. 

And I've also been using the Trust Yourself roll-on perfume because the name is, well, perfect and it smells so darn good. As you can tell, I highly recommend Anna's products.

5) I am totally in awe of the Your Story Retreat selling out in less than 24 hours. Wow. (Thank you!) Dreaming up a fall retreat on the Oregon Coast in the same place. Yes. We still have spots available for the Feast Retreat this April. It is going to be so lovely and intimate.

****

Giveaway!

Artist Kelly Barton is giving away one of her "love is all you need" Moleskine journals today! Yours will be hand illustrated just for you and will look like the one pictured here (and in her Etsy shop).

To enter:

Just leave a comment below in this post (and be sure to include your email address with your comment so that I can contact you if you win).

The giveaway will be open through 9PM PST on Sunday, and I will announce the randomly selected giveaway winner here in this spot on Monday. Please enter only once. Thanks!

Be sure to visit Kelly's shop!

Giveaway Winner: Comment #23 was chosen randomly. Congratulations to Meghan! Look in your inbox for an email! 

reframing rest

Today I'm guest posting over at Vivienne McMaster's for her incredible 14 Days of Self-Love Project. I'm sharing a post all about "rest as a form of self-love." Love this topic and the timeliness of it for me today as I really need to rest a bit over here.

The quote above is something I remind myself of often. In the post, I tell the story of a conversation with some friends about this very topic and how I continue to try to create space for and ask for the space to rest each day.

You can read the whole post over here.

 

Be sure to check out the other guest posts in this beautiful offering from Vivienne. What a gorgeous collective of women! You can find links to all 14 stories as they are posted here.

retreat news

a peek at the Your Story 2012 Retreat

I'm delighted to share that registration for the Summer 2013 Your Story Retreat began this morning. The retreat will be held from June 19-23 in Gearhart, Oregon.

This year I am so excited to be welcoming back Ali Edwards and Kelly Barton and adding Vivienne McMaster to our gathering of teachers for this incredible adventure. Also a dear friend and frequent retreat participant, Sasha Clements, will be joining us as my assistant who will help our bellies stay happy as we play and recharge and connect. 

Throughout the retreat and workshops, Ali, Kelly, Vivienne, and I will share stories and creative tools while creating a safe, encouraging environment for everyone. During our daily gatherings, we will explore the theme "Tell Your Story" as we dive into self-portraits, go on photography excursions, play with journals, have lots of creative fun, and so much more. We will also have some group discussions on topics like blogging and the intersection between our personal and private lives and how to navigate sharing our stories online. And this year we plan to visit Manzanita again for a field trip day!

Learn all the other juicy details here.

Note: There are just 25 participant spots at this small retreat (18 spots include lodging, 7 spots available for those who want to find their own lodging). In the past, this retreat has sold out in less than a week, so keep that in mind if you are hoping to attend. Updated: Almost half of the spots are already taken.

***

Additionally, if you have been thinking about coming along to the Feast Retreat this April, I want to let you know that there are only 7 retreat participants spots left.

During this five-day soul care gathering in the Pacific Northwest woods outside Seattle, Kelly Barton, Hannah Marcotti, and I will be your guides as we create a safe space where you can show up as you. As a group, we will cook meals together (with chef Persephone Brown), make necklace and bracelet talismans to take home with us, explore ways to practice self-care, play with paper and color and words in journals, and circle to share stories and make deep connections. 

At the Feast Retreat, you will find a place where you can: lean into trust and your inner wisdom, open your heart to kindred spirits, and spend time playing, resting, and sitting in the quiet.

Learn more about Feast here.

If you have any questions about these retreats, please just send me an email. 

Feeling so blessed that I'm able to create these retreats and do this work. Yes. I also deeply appreciate that not everyone is able to fly across the country (or the world) to come to a retreat like these. If you feel called to deeply connect with taking time for yourself and the practices we'll be sharing, consider my "tea + you + me" one-on-one option here.

Sending light and love to you in your corner of the world,
Liz 

(photo credits: Vivienne McMaster)

these hands...

The following words came to me yesterday after I took this photo...as I read them again, they feel like pieces of a longer bit of writing, but I will let them just rest here in this space for now...

When these hands were little they smeared Ponds Cold Cream across my grandmother's face, clasped my mother's hand when we walked through the grocery store, and held books that took me on adventures late into the night.

Years later, these hands lightly brushed my grandmother's forehead with a kiss after she died, hold my daughter's hand when we walk through the grocery store, and write words that I hope take others on adventures in their corners of the world.

These hands gather stories and moments each day.
They hold possibility and love.
They guide me through prayer.
They reach out toward connection and grace.

(If you've read Inner Excavation, you know that letting the body speak is one of my favorite prompts. I was inspired to take this photo + write these words after reading yesterday's prompt in Vivienne's Be Your Own Beloved class. So loving her gentle invitations each day. She is one of the best teachers I know.)

embarking on Project Life 2013

Week 1 (love including items Ellie makes at school)

This year, I'm using the Seafoam Kit with bits from the Clementine Kit and a few other good things. And hopefully I will begin to get a bit better at photographing these layouts but my intention in sharing these is more to encourage you to print out your photos and write down your stories and less about me saying, "look how pretty!" (Insert me smiling and winking here.) Because my Project Life album isn't about perfect. It's about getting these stories out of my computer (and my head) and onto paper.

Week 1 close up (made the collage instagram photo of EJ and me at the top using an app - love it!)

So far I'm really loving the 4x4 page protectors for mostly Instagram photos (printed from PostalPix) and a few 4x6 photos that I cut to fit. Because of the turnaround time for the PostalPix photos to get here (it isn't long but can be a week), I'm using a post-it with the photo description as a space holder if I'm waiting for a photo. This way I don't get too behind and can finish the rest of the layout.  

Week 2

Another reason I'm using more Instagram photos this year is because 1) I usually have my iphone with me and often upload my favorites to Instagram and 2) perhaps more importantly, this way I'm included more in the album, which is a goal for me this year. (I take a lot of self-portraits on Instagram.) Plus iphone photos are the only ones I really take with both me and Jon or of all three of us.

Week 2 closeup (I was feeling out of words during this week and loved that I could just use the "who what when where..." card and the "life looks like" card)

I've also been uploading my 4x6 photos to Walgreens and having Jon pick them up on his way home from work (or I upload them at 11 at night and pick them up in the morning and stop for a Starbucks treat as a way to get out of the house on studio days). For some reason, this feels easier right now, but I still use the Selphy if I want to print one or two photos.

Week 3 (with an insert of these photos)

A few favorite supplies in addition to the kit:

• Journaling with my Smash pen and these Sharpies
• Martha Stewart labels
• Ali's journaling cards
• Grid journaling cards cut to 4x4 for journaling on those layouts
• I changed to this corner rounder this month and I love it!

Week 3 close up

One big piece I've realized so far this year: I've let go of narrating the photos I use. Meaning, I don't always journal about the photos. Sometimes there is a story I want to tell with a corresponding photo or two, but often I want to include stories that don't have photos. And really the photos themselves tell their own stories. This is another way I keep letting go of any need for perfection with this project. Week 3 is a great example of this.

Just like last year, I'm continuing to include bits of journaling about the real life/hard stuff. Like the awesome beauty and intensity of being a mama to a smart little girl who understands so much but still has the emotions of a two year old to sift through each day. Including these pieces is really important to me and has helped me see how much of this experience is for me.

To read more about how I approach Project Life (and how I let go of perfection big time with it), see this post.

If you are new to Project Life, head over to Becky Higgins' site to watch a fun short video that explains everything.

PS You shared some awesome comments/emails after I wrote this post about why I take self-portraits and I want to respond to them. Look for a post about that next week.

PPS Registration for the Summer Your Story Retreat will begin next Wednesday, February 6. (The retreat website will be updated with more info on Monday.)

one joy.filled moment

The scene: She was tucked into bed for her nap. A story read. Stuffed animals and blankets gently placed around her. I walked down the hall to finish up Week 3 of Project Life, and inpired by Ali's post of photography tips, took my album outside to photograph Weeks 1-3 to share with you here (which will now happen tomorrow).

I moved the chair across the cement floor so I could stand on it, and after I snapped two photos, the blinds inside her bedroom window moved and a face suddenly appeared. She looked all around until suddenly finding me standing on the chair frozen as though not moving would cause her to decide to lay back down. 

After two seconds passed, we both started laughing.

I walked over to the window and snapped a few photos, capturing this one of her dimple and sheepish look of joy.

Ninety minutes later she is sleeping again (after one show please + one story + one more please + one or maybe three drinks of milk), and I've moved to taking photos of my album indoors and letting go of quite a few things on the to-do list.

Choosing to see the joy.

This is how I create space for more patience and love in the midst of toddlerland. This is how I fill the cracks in my heart. This is how open up just a bit more. This is how I find myself surrounded with so much beauty in the midst of the stuff that makes up this life. I do this again and again because at the end of the day, when I take a few moments to just notice, a version of these words so often comes to me:

 

*****

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