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caprese salad for one, 2.7.08
What have you done just for you today?
(If you haven't done anything just for you today, think about what you could do...just for you...then come back here and share after you do it or even after you think about doing it...)
self-portrait at mickey's house, january 08
(i stopped by geek inc and felt inspired to share five reasons why i am smiling in this moment...right now...)
1. hearing joy in my brother's voice as we talked from one end of this coast to the other today (and more importantly, hearing him feel proud of himself)
2. hearing happiness in my mother's voice as we talked across the many miles
3. hearing my dad's voice after his surgery today...knowing he is okay even though he is so far away
4. hearing my friend's voice when i left her a voicemail...i knew she wouldn't be home, but it always feels a bit like talking to her after i hear her voice and then proceed to go on and on because i want to share something very specific
5. hearing my own laughter...oh it feels good to fill the house with laughter
i would love to hear your five good things today...
share them, won't you?
weaving in the ends, 2.5.08
blue is, to me,
safety
truth
warmth
clarity
freedom
coolness
creativity
connection
music
hope
blue is, to me,
home
(see more interpretations of blue here)
pausing when i walk into the family room throughout the day and see this quilt. looking for my favorite patchwork square…then i discover a new favorite, then a new one…how the game goes on. this one-person sized quilt was quite the find at a seattle thrift shop last month. i love it.
thinking about starting my own quilt soon (from these thrifted quilt pieces).
reading amy's blog today. i've enjoyed her blog and shop for a while now...and right now, her experience fostering a baby is beautiful to read about. (go check it out)
eating up every second of miss austen regrets. it is time for me to admit it: i. am. a. jane. austen. fanatic.
watching U2 3D. (yes, you should too)
tearing up with hope when watching this video. no matter who you plan to vote for (just please vote) or what "side" you might find yourself on, i think we can all get behind this message. (via kelly – thanks girl)
dancing around the house while listening to mr. buffett sing "one particular harbor."
spending hours snuggled up on the couch with the crochet hook and soft beautiful yarn. (one scarf created for someone who needs to stay warm…i'll be sending it miles away soon, one scarflette created just for me, and one afghan started and unraveled and started again)
brainstorming with a friend via email turning into a personal brainstorm celebration friday afternoon which turned into a poem. i love poetry.
feeling so blessed as i read your comments and emails about last week's self-portrait. (thank you for getting it. thank you for reaching out. thank you.)
cutting fabric to make a few new bags (like this one) and finally realizing that i need to invest in a cutting table…which leads me to...
experiencing insomnia because i keep rearranging the little room (my studio) in my mind while i try to figure out how in the heck i can fit anything else in there...
digging daisies new digs.
smelling honey in the form of fresh (pink) tulips throughout the house.
sketching new designs and writing down the stories as they come to me. i love it when this happens (and it doesn't always, so this is a good thing).
Last week I mentioned that I am super excited about something.
Well, since then, I have been gathering beautiful florals and dots…
The show takes place in Spokane, WA in June! It is an antique/gorgeous "junk" show where a few folks are also selected to sell their homemade items. The show is attended by people from all over the country (I think you and you…oh and you too…should come on out for it!!) and has been featured in Country Living Magazine. The two ladies who are The Farm Chicks, Serena and Teri, seem beyond delightful. I can't wait to meet them in June.
I am filling up my "notes from the little room" moleskine with ideas and new designs. And, I look forward to sharing bits and pieces of all this brainstorming with you…
To have such a flow of ideas and to feel this excitement has been filling me up with joy. I am so blessed. Last year felt like it was all about the idea of "begin;" a word that deeply resonates within. But it is the doing that seems to be most important right now. So, I have been calling 2008 the "year of the do." It is very brave to begin, but I think it can sometimes take even more courage to move through the begin to the do.
I hope that you get to spend some time twirling with joy, sitting in the quiet, working on a project just for you, napping, and enjoying time with people who support you…I hope you get to spend time like that soon…
thank you.
today, i invite you over for tea and lemon cupcakes.
i invite you, yes, you sitting there still in your pajamas
and you wearing your long dark hair in two braids
and you taking a break from painting and taking photos and creating
and you warming up from fun in the snow with your children
and you curled up with your puppy beside you
and you drinking mint tea
and you laughing out loud
and you awake after everyone else is asleep
and you singing softly with bill withers
and you pursing your lips
and you rolling your eyes
and you fingering the hem of your favorite yellow t-shirt
and you looking out the window at the mountains before you
and you living to the south enjoying the smell of fresh flowers
and you living north underneath three quilts in your flannel nightgown
and you on the other coast making this year the year
and you across the ocean sitting quietly and hoping
and you across the other sea changing the world
and you sitting in the sunshine of summer
and you wearing your grey fingerless mitts trying to stay warm
and you doing the best you can
and you wishing for change
and you feeling lonely
and you filled with regret
and you sitting in the quiet
and you tuning out the loudness of joy around you
and you full of peace
and you, yes, you reading these words…
please join me for tea…
because you, yes, you…
you make my day
full
of
all
that
is
good
(thank you)
love,
me
Sitting in the dentist office waiting room today, I started writing a blog post in my journal that was full of some of the thoughts swirling around my head lately. Thoughts about how one balances the good and the shit and how hard it is to rest in the midst of all that life throws one's way in any given moment, day, week, year. Since early November I have been to the dentist more times that I can keep track up. The days prior to a dentist appointment are filled with tummy problems and nervousness and dread. At my second appointment, the one where you sit there after your cleaning and the dentist and the assistant talk about your teeth in a language you do not know as though you are not there and write down all the problems you…your teeth…have…at that appointment, I burst into tears. So overwhelmed by all of it. Full of such shame and sadness and a little anger. And, as I explained why I was crying: not because of fear of the dental appointments to come or the tools or the drilling…no, I said, I am crying because I feel such shame that my teeth are like this.
(And in that moment, in my head I was saying…I feel such shame because I smile so big and can't help it but I know that when I smile people can see the discoloration on my teeth. I feel such shame because of all the reasons that are no ones fault yet kind of everyone's fault that brought me to this moment in this chair with these tears. I feel such shame because there is no way we can pay for all of this. I feel such shame because I never told anyone how it felt that day I got my braces off and there was all that damage. I feel such shame because I am 31 and crying at the dentist's office. I feel such shame…)
There was so much I did not say. But, as I tried to breathe to avoid the threatening ugly cry, this new dentist said something...well...something pretty magical, "I think the self-abuse about this should stop today. You are here now. And, we are going to fix it."
So I brought Jeero the uglydoll to the next appointment and sat there for over three hours. And, the next appointment, which was an emergency appointment, I didn't bring Jeero, but I did have my playlist that soothed me while I experienced the joy that is an unexpected root canal. And, I went to the next appointment, and then to the one where the million-dollar crown was put on a tooth, and then to the next appointment where I listened to Steve Martin read his new book and sat for another three hours, and then to today's appointment…
Today.
Even though my head aches from the drilling and my gums are sore from the shots and my sinuses seem to have been a bit affected by all the numbness and all that is a dental appointment, I walked out of the dentist office with a smile on my face. I walked out into the raining sleet that is washing away the snow and felt light.
Today was the day he worked on my front teeth. My front four teeth look so good. They look good for the first time since…well…a long, long time. I feel such joy about it that the tears that fall as I type this are from joy, not shame. It is a good day…
And that one tooth…the one that was so damaged from my braces…the tooth that felt like a mark of shame. It is shining.
It is a good day.
And, yes, I do plan to write about some of the deeper stuff swirling around at some point. But, today, I just want to celebrate letting go of the shame.
Today, I just want to smile.
(see what else people are celebrating over at self-portrait challenge)
