poetry found on a walk with a friend {poetry thursday}

poetry found on a walk with my friend heather along the venice canals

make mine red {self-portrait challenge}

back in the fall i saw bono on oprah and ordered my (red) shoes from converse. i even got to design them myself (you to can do the same thing - just go right on over to their website and support the red campaign).

to learn more about the campaign and supporting the global fund, check out these sites:

the global fund
(blog) red
(product) red

(and see more interpretations of the red theme at self-portrait challenge)

happy christmas

I wish you and yours a holiday filled with laughter, love, joy, and peace...

Jonny and I spent yesterday with Dana and her husband. It was wonderful to have such good friends to spend the holiday with. They even put up their tree and saved some ornamnets for us to put on the tree (because they knew we weren't going to put up our ornaments this year). We played yahtzee and hoopla and laughed and told stories and ate yummy food. (Thank you both.)

Today, Jon and I are enjoying movies (A Christmas Carol and Love Actually) and making some garland for our little tree (we found a little one left in the lot) and having fun with our presents and eating little appetizer foods while still wearing the pajamas we exchanged last evening...

These little trees were inspired by Stephanie over at little birds handmade. We gave them as some gifts this year. (I admit that I am sad that we didn't make some for ourselves...so that is why we are making some Posie-inspired garland for the tree today. I want to make something crafty just for us.)

a few days up in the city...

After Jon and I learned that there was no way we would be making it to Colorado for Christmas, we decided to head to Seattle for two nights at the Hotel Monaco. We did a little shopping, ate some good feed, played a new board game, enjoyed the jacuzzi tub, stocked up (I mean stole…I mean took the ones provided) travel size Aveda products, listened to the elevator from our “supposedly quiet room” all night long the first night (were too tired to notice the second), did some more shopping, ate the most amazing doughnuts for dessert (a whole post devoted just to them coming next week), read some poetry, read the paper, cuddled, watched Charlie Rose both nights (George Clooney and Clive Owen respectively), slept in, drank tea and lattes, walked up and down the steep hills of Seattle (okay one hill, twice, but it felt like several hills ten times), enjoyed the lights, listened to people caroling on the street as they waited for carriage rides (they were caroling just because), laughed, tried not to annoy each other too much, missed Millie, dreamed about living in the city some day (“when you write your book and get it published and we can have two houses”), wished we were in Colorado with Jon’s parents and the snow, were thankful many times that we were not stuck in an airport, walked hand in hand almost the entire time, found moments outside ourselves to remember...

The Hotel Monaco provides you with a goldfish in your room if you miss your pet…

While scared out of his mind and leery of all things moving, I got Sal, the goldfish, to pose for a photo shoot.

While drinking tea, I got Jonny to pose for a few shots too.

lighting a candle and deciding to really spend thursday with poetry

I light a candle

for healing
for hope
for peace
for light
for space to know
for support
for love
for spirit
for understanding

on tuesday, as the news came about darlene’s son’s accident and my uncle’s diagnosis of cancer, i lit a candle with these intentions. this candle burned throughout the day yesterday.

i light it again this morning.

i turn to my wise friend hafiz who speaks to me through the words of Daniel Ladinsky. I look through a few pages until I find the words that cause me to exclaim aloud, “this is fantastic.”

I Am Really Just a Tambourine

Good

Poetry

Makes the universe admit a

Secret

“I am

Really just a tambourine,

Grab hold

Play me

Against your warm

Thigh.”

********

shortly after i wrote tuesday’s post about choosing happiness, i had the opportunity to choose the opposite emotion and the universe continues to provide that opportunity over and over again.

the news of mark’s accident
the news of my uncle’s cancer

and then the following not-on-the-same-level-but-crap-doesn’t-the-universe-understand-that-it-is-the-holidays-at-all? stuff:

my computer, which seems at times to be my best friend as I use it for my job, my hobby, my connection to friends and this community, started to do some odd things (going in to standby mode while I was working for no reason at all). thinking I had backed everything up, my husband and the tech he was on the phone with reimaged my computer. which. means. I. lost. everything. that. wasn’t. backed. up. luckily, this did not include photographs or my writing. but it did include a lot of other stuff. it felt like my husband had picked up my computer and thrown it against the wall. to say I tapped into a feeling the opposite of happiness is an understatement (and the kicker – it didn’t even fix the problem).

yesterday morning, we were supposed to leave for colorado to spend christmas with jon’s parents and grandmother. that’s right, I said colorado. that place where they are having the blizzard. we tried to check-in and the delta kiosk computer said, “see an agent.” we had checked everything the night before but because we had to be there so early, we didn’t check it yesterday morning. we are still at home. bah humbug. our suitcases are still packed (one filled with gifts for them) and millie is still at the kennel in case we do get on a flight today/tomorrow (and i miss her). we expect though to stay here and spend another holiday unexpectedly without family. (did you read Monday’s post where I said I hadn’t decorated at all?) bah humbug. we do love spending the holidays just the two (three with millie of course) of us, but this was the year we were going to see family. with my illness last month and biopsy procedure that happened thanksgiving week, we had to cancel the plans to see my family. and now we may not see jon’s parents.

jon spent time on the phone again yesterday to try to fix the computer. yeah. still going in to standby mode while I am using it (no rhyme or reason to it).

this morning, jon went to drive my vw bug to go to the store to get milk (we had to throw it out when the power went out and I am a milk drinker but we didn’t get any knowing we would be leaving but heck, I want some today), my car would not start. nothing.

and I want to write about how there are so many things I am grateful for. because really, I know, I am so blessed. but right now, all I can muster is to light a candle and get ready to eat a doughnut and drink some milk after jonny gets back from the store. and then i will heed hafiz’s words and spend some time with some poetry…because i need to spend some time outside of myself. outside all the stuff inside my head.

(hafiz poem from the collection in the gift. shared here with permission. visit poetry thursday today to read more poetry and spend time outside yourself.)

i raise my glass to happiness {self-portrait challenge}

A toast to happiness.

The bracelet, a Christmas gift from my mother, has the phrase, “Choose happiness” stamped into it.

It is always a choice. All of it. Happiness, sadness, quiet, life, laughter, love, truth, anger, fear…all of it.

But to choose happiness; sometimes I think that this is the harder path. When you choose to live in your life with your eyes wide open, you see the other stuff…the ugly stuff. When you are wide open to it all, when your heart is wide open, you can be hurt. Over and over again. You feel things and understand things and notice things that others may not be willing to notice yet. When you are living in your life with your eyes wide open, you also see the beauty. The gorgeous moments. You see it all. And through it all, you have a choice. You always have a choice. This can seem so hard at times. So. very. hard. Yet, you have this choice. Which means, really, that you are on the path that is full and rich and alive. The other path, the one full of not paying attention, that is the one that is harder even though it feels easier.

And you can still choose.

To choose happiness, even in the midst of all that you know, even in the midst of the pain and the beauty...it is such an incredible choice. Full of light. Full of life.

So tonight, I raise my glass to happiness. To deciding to choose it a bit more often.

(to see other self-portraits of red visit self-portrait challenge)

********

(And I want to also say this. The giving of presents is something I enjoy. I am always on the lookout for little gifts for my friends, family, people in my life. The moment when I find the “perfect” gift – the gift you know another person needs, well, that makes me so happy. And I love it when I can also be there when they open it. And I admit that I love, love it when someone gives me a gift that is so "me." But to put this note into context, I have to be honest about something: The bah humbug [whispering now…martyr] in me sometimes resents opening a gift and knowing that the person just simply didn’t take the time to think of me but instead just said, “crap, I need something.” Little do they know that for me, a hand-written note means more than another empty picture frame. I know, yes people, I know, this isn’t the spirit of gift giving, but I am willing to be honest about this. However…opening the gifts from my mom last night, especially this bracelet and a necklace she bought me…well, I just felt my heart sigh inside [in a good way]. These gifts mean so much to me. Gifts from someone who is seeing me and the path I am on. Thank you.)

good morning monday (december 18)

enjoying

that I am finally getting into the spirit of the season. (I didn’t decorate this year. at. all. [insert gasp].) the christmas music is playing as I type this (sarah mclachlan – thanks for the recommendation geek girl) and I am singing along.

loving

my bangs. yep. i love them more than i want to admit.

gingerbread lattes

watching

the fox and the hound. oh how i love this film. i wish i had the dvd (i caught it on the disney channel). that little todd (the fox) just makes my heart happy. i actually have a cel from this film. the scene between todd and vixey when he gives her the flower.

watching over and over

pride and prejudice. the new one. (the one i boycotted in the theatre but now love to watch because it can be watched in a short amount of time. i love the bbc version, of course, but this one is quite delicious.) my heart goes pitter-patter watching this movie and i find myself giggling out loud.

the muppets christmas carol. this is one of my favorite holiday movies. i can pretty much recite the entire movie. it makes my heart very happy.

singing

joshua radin and (right now) sarah mclachlan

(getting ready to start) reading

fiction: the mercy of thin air by ronlyn domingue (thank you my friend)
nonfiction: name all the animals by alison smith (saw it on the shelf and knew i had to read it)
crafty: plush-o-rama by linda kopp (it is kind a secret for no reason other than i can’t believe i am doing this but i have started making stuffies)

creating

christmas presents (i will share pictures soon!)

cooking/eating

this paula dean recipe (we are making it for dinner tonight) [update: put in the actual link...and want to report that it was delicious!]

nutter butters. haven’t had them in years but they were the food of choice during the black out. I like to separate each layer and eat them one at a time. such yummy goodness (going to eat the last one after I post this…here’s hoping I still fit into my jeans after eating all of them).

peanut butter and jelly on toast.

anticipating

using the new juicer we bought as an early christmas present for me. I am going back to my childhood roots and drinking apple juice all the time (ever since the nurse handed me some after one of my procedures last month – I now have a never-ending thirst for it). now I will be able to make fresh apple juice from the organic apples we get each week in our delivery (I. cannot. wait.).

visiting jon’s family this week. we will be spending christmas with them. and they are so excited, which invites me to be so excited. it is so nice to have people say things like, “we can’t wait until you two get here.” seriously. they are the best.

the new movie night at the museum. is anyone else as excited about this movie as me? I love this idea. a museum coming to life. that is freaking cool.

feeling very grateful

that my family and friends are safe.

that I am learning how to speak the words that are (sometimes) trapped in my throat.

for the community that exists here in blog world. (thank you for you)

that our power is on and we are warm.

for all of the good memories I have of my grandma. I think about her so much this time of year (isn’t that what we do when we have lost someone?) and I spend a lot of time in the sad that I cannot have new memories. yet, today, listening to this music, I am gently pushed to realize I am blessed to have so many positive memories. even though I will not open a gift from her on christmas eve, to live in the sad is to not honor her life and our friendship. (I know I will forget this over and over as I so desperately miss her, but it is good to remember it in this moment.)

anticipation {sunday scribblings}

looking up anticipation and finding “expectant waiting” led me to think about some phrases...

water when the soul is parched
warmth when the hands are cold
quiet when the head feels heavy
peace when the heart is hurting
support when the feet are tired
ease when the hips are tight
space when the brain is busy
laughter when the shoulders slump
compassion when the soul is aching
nourishment when the body is empty

these phrases have led me to the idea that our bodies are in constant anticipation or hope for a key to solve bits and pieces of their (of our) experiences. an internal map to help us through all that we are handed at any given moment. our internal compass perhaps. an anticipation of understanding that it will all, eventually, make sense.

(for more on anticipation, visit sunday scribblings)