it might just be me...

On my way to teach yoga the other night, I went to change lanes and realized that for the last mile or so I had been that person with the blinker on driving the people behind me crazy.
I can only imagine what was said about me.

"Is she changing lanes or what?"
"Why isn't she getting over?"
"You have plenty of room lady!"

I felt horrible and was embarrassed, so I just turned up the music and sang a little louder.
My thoughts turned to something a yoga teacher said to my training group one day as we were studying the yoga sutras. "How much time do you spend thinking about your relationships with other drivers? These people that you do not even know." The context was to think about how much time we put into the relationships with the people we hold dear to us. And how much time we put into our own relationship with ourselves. Then to think about the time we put into relationships and moments that are not about us at all. But we make them all about us.
Think about it. The last time you were annoyed, angry, furious at another driver. Someone. you. do. not. even. know. Someone you might become friends with in a week, a month, a year. Someone who is dear to someone else. The people who cut you off, talk on their cell phones as they swerve, put make-up on, drive too slow, and yes, the people who leave their blinkers on. And the people who have been angry with you because you did any and all of the above. The people who threaten you with a glare or a finger in the air. Angry with them or feeling horrible because how could you do such a thing as run a stop sign? How often have you spent minutes or much, much longer thinking about that short relationship you had with another driver.

Imagine if you spent that much time sitting with yourself...talking with your best friend...reading a favorite book...walking outside...calling your mom and telling her you love her...hugging your partner...laughing...twirling around your bedroom...finding the gratitude...writing a note to someone just because...letting your brother know you miss him...playing with your dog...looking at yourself in the mirror with kindness...lighting a candle for peace...coloring...smelling the flowers...letting go...meditating...praying...singing...eating an apple...drinking a cup of tea...listening to the whispers of your soul.

Imagine if you did that today.
Right now.

And the next time you are behind that person with her blinker on...remember...that person might just be me. And I sure would love it if you would just laugh with me. Or just turn up your radio and sing.

{SPT} tea time, sushi, and pj's

Another week of this daily self-reflection...self-acceptance.
It is getting easier. (a tiny bit easier). I like that I felt happy when most of these pictures were taken. Though I admit that it was hard not to crack up as I took these. Something about posing in front of that polaroid has just made me giddy this week. But that soons goes away. I take a sip. Then I breathe in and I breathe out. Watching the picture of me, my face, my huge face, develop before me. Breathe in, notice the mind. Breathe out, let go again. And again. And again.

*****

I have been editing an online course for the last two days, so I have review quizzes on the brain. Here is a little mix and match game for you. Match the picture with the sentiment.

(Warming up after a day of flea market finds, half-price books, and walks outside.)

(Yes, I was tired, but not that tired. Right now though, I feel like I look in that one.)

(Taking a quick break before searching for more information about ArtFest. Have you heard? I am going!)

(I am as tired as I look. And still wearing pj's as noon aproaches. Though I have actually showered but just decided to put the pj's back on.)

(No, we do not have the ugliest couch in America. In fact, I am in a booth at our favorite Japanese restaurant I Love Bento. After a long, long, long day, Jon and I went out for sushi and this was finally a time when we could both take a deep breath. And I could enjoy my favorite tea in all the world.)

(The house may be quiet, but I am snuggling in for a night of blogging and my new green tea with brown rice.)

(Edna Mode is on the otherside of this mug. Do you know her? Find out who she is and study her ways.)

a day in april (inspire me thursday: think big)

This is my creation for the challenge Think Big.
I usually work on paper and in smaller sizes, so I decided to try a larger canvas. I had the idea to incorporate a hummingbird, then the big flowers. And one thing I love about canvas in this case was that I could paint over things when they went a little differently than I had planned. As I thought more about the challenge, this image of a little person sitting at the foot of the flowers appeared. Then came the story:
The song of your heart has called me.
Can you feel your wings...
do not be afraid...
climb up
and I will show you how to use them.

The image at the bottom...the words say:
...and on a day in April, she heard her own song, and she began to climb.

Images of wings and flying have been going through my head lately. Looking at the work of other artists has been inspiring me. In this artwork I have seen and in the words I have read, there seems to be a connection between finding your wings, finding your path, and finding your tribe. Wings invite me to once again think about letting go. And in the midst of this afternoon, my thoughts turned to my grandmother and the idea that maybe the hummingbirds were speaking to her over her entire lifetime and then, one day, she joined them.

find inspiration from the creative minds of other folks at inspire me thursday.

the happy dance

Last night, I had a wonderful moment while painting for this week's Inspire Me Thursday challenge. I realized that I just want to experience this. ArtFest! The deadline has passed for signing up. But. I decided to email Teesha Moore anyway and see if there was a little tiny chance that I could still be a part of this event. And....this morning...she emailed...and said YES! Oh I am so happy. I have literally been dancing around the house singing "I am sooo happpyyeeeee, I am soooooo happyyyyeeee!"

I remembered that Kim said she was going, and I have connected with her. This is her first time too. We talked today and she was explaining the artist trading that happens. Oh my. She had the great idea that I do something with the senses, like the posts that I write here weekly. The brainstorming has begun.

On a sidenote, this moment of deciding to go to ArtFest was precipitated by a delightful conversation I had with Melanie. I had a dream two weeks ago that I emailed her about helping with just Be... So in my waking life, I did email her. And the brainstorming has begun. (If you want to help with this brainstorming or add your ideas, please head over to her site.)

If you are going to ArtFest, please leave a comment (or email me) and let me know. I would love to connect with you there. And if you have been to ArtFest...please leave a comment (or email me) and tell me more, tell me more...

senses. a day with blue sky.

{see}

{hear}

{taste}

{touch}

{smell}

{and know}

i spent the night with...

kenny rogers.

so here is a little secret about me. i love kenny rogers. i love him in an i-loved-singing-his-songs-into-my-fisher-price-cassette-recorder-as-a-little-girl kind of way. i was probably two or three when i started singing, "oh ruuuuuby... don't take your love to town." and one of my favorite lyrics of all times comes from "coward of the county," "...but you could of heard a pin drop when tommy stopped and locked the door." the dramatic pauses in that line just make my heart happy. i have seen every kenny rogers made-for -tv movie. yes, i have. and i bet i am not alone. but coward of the county is the only one i have on tape somewhere. i love that movie.

tonight, my husband was excited to show me this on vh1.com (you can see videos online at this site). When our new paper delivery person didn't get the morning paper here in time for jon to read it before school, he started watching vh1 and mtv while eating breakfast - going back to his high school 80s days. there are a few favorite videos he wanted to share with me. i am kind of take it or leave it with videos. i love listening to music, but i don't always enjoy sitting and watching videos for a long period of time. but this was fun! and you can search for so many artists on this site. so yes, i searched for kenny rogers and enjoyed some old-school kenny videos. this led me to iTunes to share some of my favorite kenny songs with jon. which led me to download this, his twenty greatest hits.

i probably saw my first kenny rogers concert when i was three, and we went again and again throughout my childhood. i saw him with dottie west, crystal gayle, the gatlin brothers, gallagher (yes, that comedian with the exploding watermelon), ronnie milsap, and maybe a few others.

some of my favorite memories involving kenny

...my mother, father, and i are walking from the car to the ACC at Notre Dame (the basketball arena where concerts are held). my dad picks me up so i can ride on his shoulders. i am probably four. A tour bus pulls in. yes. oh yes. it is kenny. the back windows weren't tinted like they are now, and he is sitting in the back with the curtain open. he waves to me. to me! i remember giggling with delight and marveling later that the man singing all those songs i love waved at me. he knows who i am.

...i am visiting my grandparents. i am probably six. it is time for my grandfather to take the garbage to the dump, and that means one-on-one time with him in the car. i get to ride up front and help him. he starts singing, "you picked a fine time to leave me lucille" and adds words of his own. and i say, "no, no grandpa, that's not how the song goes." on other trips he will start singing and say, "now, who sings better me or that other guy?" the little girl inside me remembers just reveling in this attention. feeling amazement that my grandpa really thought he could sing as good as kenny. we laugh about this still.

...a few weeks before fourth grade, the summer of 1985. and my mom, my brother, my aunt, cousin, and i are all driving from indiana to south carolina for a family reunion. kenny is on the tape player singing "fighting fire with fire." you might not know this one, but at 10, i knew all the words. one line made my mother pause, turn her head around to the backseat (she was driving), and say, "do you know what that means?" the line: "any place he touches or kisses diana, is someplace i've already been." ahhh...no, i didn't so much know what that meant then.

...boarding school. over a weekend at home i find a pin that says: "i spent the night with kenny rogers." if you knew my parents you might find this to be kind of odd - how old was i when they bought that for me? i wear it as my kilt pin throughout my senior year. hiding it from the powers-at-be because it was definitely "non-reg" and not part of the wardrobe. could i have been any cooler with that pin? goody-two-shoes liz with her scandalous kilt pin.

...my wedding reception. i don't throw the bouquet. instead i present it to the couple who has been married the longest. my grandparents. fifty-seven years. and then i dance with my grandpa; jon dances with my grandma. the song. kenny singing "Always" by Irving Berlin. a favorite song of mine. a way to blend the sentiments of this song - love between my grandparents, my love for them, my love for jon - and the memories of kenny and my grandpa singing. this gave us one of the best moments of the evening. if i close my eyes, i can see the look of bewilderment, embarassment, pride, and love on my grandmother's face as i share with our guests how much she and my grandpa mean to me. the tears of joy as jon and i walk over to them and give her the bouquet. jon takes her hand. my grandpa takes mine. i hear my grandpa's laughter as i say, "grandpa, can you tell who is singing this song?"

and tonight, as i listen to these songs, i am reminded of words i have known for over 25 years. part of the soundtrack of my childhood. some words resonate with me even more now. other words make me giggle as i join kenny in a duet. a few words bring tears to my eyes. all of these words invite me to sing and sing and sing. tonight i wrap myself up in the memories of these songs...the words swirl around me...and i feel at peace. it has been a good life so far.

finding the happy

happiness is...

an unexpected late afternoon walk along the shores of puget sound with my husband. finding sea glass. laughing. hearing a group of girls singing about how they are celebrating abby's birthday. coming across the names of boys that they "love" written in the sand.

watching a movie just for fun, just to laugh, just to rest the brain.

being able to get into my blog after it seemed to be lost for the entire day. glad it is still here!

reading the poems people choose to share and create for Poetry Thursday. this idea is catching on...

facilitating a positive yoga experience for a new student. "this was wonderful." thank you. feel the space you have created inside you with this awareness of your breath. so good.

buying myself these earrings and this bracelet. i have not taken the bracelet off; it is my talisman to remind me that i have the power to do anything. i am my own superhero.

connecting with more bloggers every day. this medium is such a bright spot in my life. (thank you. yes. you. thank you.)

letting this little dancing artist inside me out to play. the ideas are swirling around in my mind, and i am so happy that i am giving myself permission to create.

a long warm bath reading the poetry of Diane Ackerman. followed by my favorite polka dotted flannel pjs. (and even though i wish it was warmer outside, i am kind of glad it is still chilly enough for me to wear them.) a mug of jasmine green tea and a little bowl of ice cream.

what are you happy about right now?

poetry thursday

My readings of late, blogs and books, have had a theme. Recognizing your fears, recognizing the life you want to live, learning to let go of fear to begin to live that life. I have spent some time synthesizing my thoughts about all of this. But I am not ready to write them yet. Today, on Poetry Thursday, I will let the words of Mary Oliver add to this theme.

When Death Comes

When death comes
like the hungry bear in autumn;
when death comes and takes all the bright coins from his purse

to buy me, and snaps the purse shut;
when death comes
like the measle-pox;

when death comes
like an iceberg between the shoulder blades,

I want to step through the door full of curiosity, wondering:
what is it going to be like, that cottage of darkness?

And therefore I look upon everything
as a brotherhood and a sisterhood,
and I look upon time as no more than an idea,
and I consider eternity as another possibility,

and I think of each life as a flower, as common
as a field daisy, and as singular,

and each name a comfortable music in the mouth,
tending, as all music does, toward silence,

and each body a lion of courage, and something
precious to the earth.

When it's over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom; taking the world into my arms.

When it's over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.

Mary Oliver (from the book New and Selected Poems)

If you are not yet a Poetry Thursday participant, and you would like to share a poem today, post one on your blog or share one here in the comments of this post. If you would like me to add you to the list of participants, please send me an email and I will add you to this list.

And if you feel moved, print out a poem you read today or find a favorite book of poetry, run a bath, and have a Poetry Reading in the bathtub. Just you, the words of another (or your own), and your voice vibrating around you.