This is the question that was flowing through my mind as I prepared for this month's Hand to Heart practice of "Let It Go." Last week, I found myself face to face with it as I was in the midst of...I might as well be honest...a full-blown temper tantrum in my mind.
My to-do list felt extremely overwhelming. Work stuff. Home stuff. Paperwork. End of the school year stuff. Summer is coming stuff. Family is coming to visit stuff. Not enough stuff. I'm too much stuff.
It was stacking up inside me as I paused everything to take a quick shower. Scrubbing my body with sugar scrub, I tried to pull myself out of the "stuff" by brainstorming the stories and prompts I want to share with this "Let It Go" practice.
And I found myself focusing on the question "What story could you set down?" as a starting place for our practice.
I noticed the irony of my own stories swirling, but moved on to washing my hair and brainstorming some more.
But the question kept tapping on me.
Finally, I felt these words tumble through all those thoughts and feelings:
I could set down the story that I'm too much.
I could set down other people's expectations...and my own assumptions about those expectations.
I could set down the fear that no one will ever really get the me that lives in that most secret part of me.
I could set down the "all this shit that has to be cleaned in this house before family arrives next week" to-do list until the weekend.
And then I heard this truth, "I just want to be outside of this house."
Working from home can be awesome, but it can also mean that you never really leave your home or your office. And that longing to just be in nature can pull on me. Finally, I got quiet enough to hear that pull.
So I went to my favorite park and stood by Puget Sound and picked up a few rocks to represent these stories that I wanted to set down. And I threw them. Far. Into the water. Watching the ripples swirl and finding myself recentered and a bit lighter.
Your Soul Homework: Take out a piece of paper and answer this question, "What story could you set down today?" And then when you are done, breathe and notice what you might need. Maybe you need to put some stories onto the page and "set them down" by writing them out. Maybe get outside. Maybe ask someone for a hug. Listen. You will know what to do next.
If you want to circle with a group of women who are exploring these kinds of questions, come along to Hand to Heart my free ongoing community of women. Each month I share different ideas to add to your current self-care practice and we're here to support you if you're just beginning the adventure of learning self-care.
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