the fall retreat: water your soul

I'm so excited to announce the Fall Be Present Retreat: Water Your Soul. A group of about 20 of us will be gathering in a gorgeous ocean-front home in Manzanita, Oregon where we'll have time to connect, spend time in the quiet, create and laugh and dance, and deeply replenish ourselves. The retreat takes place November 11-15, and I can't wait to bring a group back to my favorite town on the Oregon Coast! You can read all the details over on the retreat site, but here's a glimpse to give you an idea.

What does water your soul really mean?

It's creating space for you in the midst of whatever the day hands you.

It's taking a walk each day and noticing the world outside even on the days the rain drips on your head.

It's saying "Yes" to pieces of your life that invite in more joy and connection and saying "No" to doing it all.

It's blocking out alone time in your planner because you know recharging is non-negotiable.  

It's looking in the mirror and telling the woman looking back at you "I've got you kid."

It's stepping into vulnerability when you look at your partner and say, "I know you're annoyed right now, but I just really need a hug."

It's realizing you're slipping into the old stories about not enoughness and putting on Johnny Cash and singing into your hairbrush to dance it out.

It's sitting on the front step for five minutes just to give yourself some space so you can move forward from a sense of being grounded.

It's holding the beauty of your life in one hand and the grit of the day in the other and letting yourself feel all the feelings.

It's choosing love even when it feels almost impossible.

Watering your soul is about creating space for you, space for your soul care practice, in the midst of whatever life hands you. It's seeking the space in the in-between moments and nourishing yourself. It's saying "Yes" to filling up your internal well, so you can be more present to your life and your loved ones.

It isn't always easy, which is why we practice it again and again. It isn't always pretty, which is why we circle to tell the true stories to be reminded that we aren’t alone.

But it is a choice. Each day. It's a choice to say: I am ready to deeply connect with me, to be with myself in the quiet, to listen to what I need. It's a choice. And this retreat is going to help you make that choice a little more each day.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

How we'll explore self-care 

• We'll spend time practicing and learning about creative self-care as we play with words, take some photos, walk on the beach, and explore other forms of creative play and connection.
• We'll recharge with Mother Ocean as she'll be a teacher for us as we connect with her each day as she's literally steps away from the home where we'll gather. We'll also practice a story releasing ceremony and invite her to hold our stories. 
• We'll slow down and deeply experience mindfulness practices, create a community altar in the middle of our circle, and look at ways we can create space for the sacred in our daily lives.
• We'll explore ways to seek stillness and spend time in the quiet. We'll talk about how you can create an individual mindfulness practice when you get home.
• There will be time to play with your favorite art supplies and other creative goodness so you can remember the ways you want to fill up that creative well within you when you get home. 
• There will be time to tell your story and listen to the stories of others. Many of the women who attend Be Present Retreats form friendships that last far beyond the retreat.

Before the retreat, I'll connect with you to help you decide what creative self-care practices you'll be bringing with you. For example, you might bring the knitting project you keep meaning to get back to, an art journal to play in, the "big girl" camera you haven't picked up in years, and so on. I'll also be bringing my usual vintage suitcases full of creative supplies for you to have fun with.

This retreat is your opportunity to spend time with the self-care you're longing for in your life. 

This is a place where you can show up as you, and you will be given the gift of time to rest and recharge so you can find your way back to you. 

The Be Present Retreats are an invitation to pause in your life and gather in an intimate, creative community to explore, create, discover, and soak up the world around you. Each retreat includes creative play + adventures combined with stories and "being present" exercises to encourage awareness of this moment. At each retreat, you are also invited to nurture yourself as needed as you keep building the bridge between daily life and the longings you have inside you.

There are 9 spots left at this retreat! This is the retreat many of you have been asking me for, and I can't wait to gather with this circle on the coast. If you feel like this might be the retreat for you, head over to the retreat site and read all the details and sign up to join us. 

(Photos of house courtesy of vacationrentalsmanzanita.com)

because books. always books. {i heart makers}

"I like to party" print by Bookworkboutique

I've been gathering a few of my favorite book-related goodies to share with you as the next installment of the {i heart makers} series. Books have always been among my dearest friends. I've gone through times in my life where I honestly felt like authors and characters in books got me and helped me feel seen in ways I couldn't ask others to do in my life. Books take me on adventures, get me to think about life in new ways, and give me a sense of place. If you're someone who loves books like me or you need the perfect gift for a book lover in your life, here are some awesome made/designed by makers creations:

The "I read past my bedtime" pillow by Bookwormboutique makes me smile and has me nodding yes yes yes. The 10-year-old me would have loved seeing this on her bed every day (it goes without saying the 39-year-old me feels the same way). And because this is over on Society6 it comes in other designs too. (And I'm a bit obsessed with all the designs by Bookworkboutique. Like this phone case and this t-shirt and this mug.)

When I signed the contract for my book, my friend Jen gave me one of these gorgeous tiny book journal necklaces from Peg and Awl. It remains one of my favorite most thoughtful gifts of all time. (And Peg and Awl has become one of my favorite maker made businesses to support. I have several of their items in my studio and home. They probably deserve their own blog post soon.)

I've started spotting really unique book planters more and more on Pinterest. I recognize that they might be blasphemous for some book lovers because a book has to be altered but in my mind I love that books that might just be sitting on shelves unread in thrift stores are getting a new life. Over on Scoutmob, Paperdame has some awesome ones.

If you know me well, you know I'm not so much into humor that plays off of body parts. It just isn't my thing. At all. But this tote from She Sells Fairhope and other Etsy items out there with this quote make me crack up every single time I see them. I start singing and grooving and can't stop smiling. The. Best.

When I started my retreats years ago, I couldn't find book plates that I liked to put inside the books I'd be taking with me to retreats (and loaning to friends). Back in 2009, Etsy rescued me and I fell in love with the shop boygirlparty. We've been customers ever since. These whale book plates are my favorite but Susie has several others. You'll be seeing boygirlparty appear in future "I heart makers" posts. I'm a fan.

Love this "Reading is my super power" mug from LennyMud. There are other styles too.

And the Bookworm phone case from Cassia Beck makes me smile. I want to step into that photo and read all those books!

An invitation: Are you a maker? Share a little about you and your shop with a link to your site in the comments so I can visit. Would love to possibly feature you in a future post.

Note that some of these links are affiliates, which means I receive a small commission if you purchase through the link.

i want to remember

I want to remember the way you started calling me "Honey" this summer. It equal parts cracks me up and delights me.

I want to remember the sound of your laughter when you say something that you think is so funny.

I want to remember the way you reach for my hand on the evenings I chant to you just before you fall asleep. 

I want to remember the sound of you sounding out words and the look on your face when you figure it out.

I want to remember the way you're growing up as you pause and notice the way your words and actions affect others. It's a huge piece to understand, and I'm so proud of you.

I want to remember when your counselor at camp said, "Has Eleanor told you that she's become one of our best sharers?" and your face beemed when we told Daddy all about it later.

I want to remember the conversations we're having about just playing when it comes to creativity instead of worrying about "being good." I hope you always remember that playing with paint and paper and pens and color and glue is at its core fun.

I want to remember the joy surrounding you when you ran into the studio and said, "Mama, I taught myself how to swing today!" and explained how you are climbing onto the swing yourself and pumping your legs.

I want to remember the way you so often want to do what I'm doing. If I open my journal and start doodling, you want to play in your journal. If I go into the studio, you are close behind me ready to "help make things for your shop mama. I want to help you make things for the ladies." If I'm looking through a magazine, you want your own. I know it won't always be like this, but it's special to connect with you about the little things that bring me joy.

I want to remember that moment when I looked at you and realized you are a big kid now. And I want to remember the moment right before that one too. 

photo by Tara Whitney 

blue moon dreaming

  

Last week, we had a blue moon, which means we had an extra full moon during this season. And as Pixie explained in her newsletter, it's rare. The next one won't be until 2018. Pixie went on to talk about creating a ceremony where you honor nature's magical cycles and the wisdom inside you and create an intention for yourself that you sing to the moon (literally or in a metaphorical way). 

So I read her words and thought about the kind of ceremony I wanted to create. I love her imagery of the full moon bringing things into the light. But then I didn't set aside the alone time to do it. Summer evenings have a way of getting away from me, and I simply didn't plan well enough to make it happen.

However, I found myself awake in the middle of the night with that moon shining in on me. And I started thinking.

I started thinking about this place where I'm standing these days with a desire to step onto a larger stage. A desire to expand and create the gatherings and teachings and other good things that support women as they create space for quiet, for stillness, and for joy, as they navigate what it means to really live in the space between the beauty and the mess one move at a time. A desire to dive deep and trust that you will come along.

And I started thinking about the longings I have for my own little family, for my day-to-day life. 

Words like courage and "do it anyway" and listen and softness and "tell it" and "focus in" and "what can you set down?" began to float up around me as the moon was shining in.

As I laid there, my head on the pillow, the fan whirring while Jon slept beside me, I tried to just stay in it, breathing, noticing, letting the words and hopes swirl together in a dance and then settle around me. Inhale. Exhale. Trusting the holiness of the moment.

Later in the day, I went out to my studio and gathered up visual reminders that represented that dance and put them on my pinboard so I could see them every day, so I could stand tall in this intention and desire.

No, it wasn't the ceremony I envisioned at first, but instead it became a powerful declaration of who I am right now and where I want to go all while surrounded by the powerful wisdom and strength of so many of my kindreds.

This inspiration board includes postcards and artwork from the following beautiful souls (clockwise from the top left): 

• Pixie Lighthorse's bear postcard from her animal deck
• Andrea Jenkin's photo of hands covered in paint
• Quote from Ali Makes Mail
• Lori Portka's deer postcard from her Gratitude Kit
• Elise Blaha Cripe's ampersand postcard
• My own peony photo, love note, alchemy card from one of Mindy Tsonas' classes, and the photo Jenna took of my hands holding peony petals at the last retreat.
• Kelly Barton's feather painting
• Another quote from Ali Makes Mail
• A card from my One Move mini inspiration deck
• A little original painting from Christine Mason Miller
• A little card of brilliance that came with my Get to Work Book
• An Amy Poehler quote from Ali Makes Mail
• An original painting from Danielle Daniel
• And the Hello Beautiful Soul postcard from my shop

These colors, these women, these hopes, this belief that I can embody the life I want, this is a peek at my heart these days.

And I'm putting a note in my Get to Work Book to change this up monthly so I can keep that energy, that inspiration and connection, flowing. Yes yes yes.

and then on a day in June

There are so many stories inside me about the photos I don't have. 

Over the years I've seen so many mama and baby photos and I've wished I had those photos. Those gorgeous, real-life, this is holy and hard and gorgeous photos of a mama with her baby. I've wished I'd had a photographer take photos of my little family when Ellie was born, and then right before her surgery, and then right after, and then when she was one and two...

Of course, this wishing hasn't meant that I haven't been present to the beauty of the everyday moments. Noticing the everyday beauty is "my jam" as they say.

But you can be present to that beauty and still wish sometimes.

I wanted a photo that captured how it felt to be her mama. A photo that captured the joy that is there even if only at the edges some days. A photo that said, "Amidst it all, she feels this joy, this love." A photo that said, "You're doing a good job Mama. You really are." A photo that captured both of us - the magic, the silliness, the softness, the connection. A photo that would gently push me to shed another layer of how I wish that first year could have been for her, for us. And honestly, a photo that did all that while capturing me in a way that wouldn't distract me from the story. I wanted to feel beautiful in that photo.

Of course I could tell the story with my words and with my camera and I have again and again. And that piece is so important. Self-healing, as my friend Pam says, is an important piece of unpacking the stories and feeling seen by one's self, which is vital in my opinion. But still, I felt that ache of wanting to be seen by someone who would deeply get it. I wanted to hold that evidence in my hands so I simply couldn't deny it.

And then on a day in June, Tara Whitney arrived, and Ellie took her hand within minutes and said, "Come and see my room." And a little girl's laughter and a photographer's wisdom and kindness created space for me to relax into myself, to relax into that joy and love. And before I even saw the photos, that little wish that was more like a crack in my heart stitched right up. 

There are so many gorgeous photos from this day that I'll be sharing, including one of me and Jon that has me saying, "Yes, this is exactly how I feel" even when that feeling can feel far away from time to time after this many years together. And several of all three of us that make my heart burst with joy. But this photo. This one. I had to show you because I'm so grateful for the ways you've held my story these past few years and I knew you would get it. 

Photo by Tara Whitney (who is full of magic and grace and delight.)

let it be simple

Bonnie snapped this photo last week of a corner of my desk in the studio, and it just sums up the mantra I need right now. Today, I'm alone here at home for a few hours, and all I want to do is just sit in the quiet and be still for a while. No work. No people. No social media. No business strategies. Just quiet. Just me. 

My list of posts I want to write and things I need to do is long. And I'm excited about so much on that list. But there is also the piece of needing rest. Of needing space. Of needing to let it be simple.

And I don't mean suddenly deciding to declutter or try a capsule wardrobe or make a big change that actually isn't simple at all (for me) but seems like it should be, which is a move I often make when these feelings arrive.

No.

I mean listening even more closely to the deep desires within me and moving from there.

Letting it be simple by continuing to shed the shoulds and the "who do you think you are" stories that try to crowd back inside my brain and heart even when I think I released them long ago.

Letting it be simple by opening up and sharing more of the stories here even if it's hard to know if anyone is actually reading them because we're so focused on scrolling and likes and social media strategies these days.

Letting it be simple by recognizing that I'm only one person but that I can ask for help.

Letting it be simple by making one move toward the longings. (Just one move today.)

Letting it be simple by saying no.

Letting it be simple by saying the deep, true "Yes" when it calls to me.

Letting it be simple by showing up and letting the words just come out onto the page even if they're clunky.

Letting it be simple by just being me.

That doesn't mean it is easy. 

No.

It means that so often we look for the answers outside ourselves when we simply, truly, need to step back and find that quiet and simply look within.

And listen.

So I'm off to sit in the quiet for a bit this morning before diving back into the juiciness this afternoon.

When your soul is saying you need to be alone in the quiet, I've learned that you should listen honey.

Because that's the kind of should that isn't a should at all but is instead your own wisdom guiding you.

Yes.

i see you

self-portrait, Taos, July 2014

I see you there heart beating in your hand, words pour from it amid tears, old stories, and new-found wisdom. I see you choosing, building, stepping forward to claim the path. I see you loosening the grip on the envy, the misunderstandings, the way it shoud have been. I see you sloughing it off (sloughing so much off) so you can feel the light upon your new-grown skin. I see you stepping forward onto this ready ground.

And you are so beautiful.

*****

We're just finishing Chapter 4 of Inner Excavation as part this summer's Inner Excavate-along. That chapter steps into self-portraiture as a way to tell your story and rereading it inspired me to want to tell more stories using this tool that is so dear to me. This week, I've been sifting through my archives finding self-portraits I haven't edited or shared. A series I took last summer in Taos pushed me to play with the prompt "I see you" and uncover some truths from then and from now. It's felt like I've had a lot of stories I've wanted to share in this space but they have remained close to me or shared in snippets in conversations here and there for months. But I'm ready to let them start dripping out in poem notes and stories and photos.

If you'd like to play along and join in the Inner Excavate-along, you're invited to sign up at any time. Learn more right here.

five {really} good things

a card from my new One Move mini-deck

It's been a while since I did a five {really} good things post. I'm trying to get back to more blogging and more sharing here, so when the muse pulled me to want to share these things today, I listened.

1) I'm starting my days with lemon water over here (and drinking it throughout the day), and it has become a really good thing for my belly. I've done this in the past, but am trying to make it a daily self-care move.

2) I gathered up 10 of my favorite books to help you practice self-care in this article. I could add a lot more, but these give you a really good start. (And I just ordered a stack of new ones, so I'll be writing some book review posts here over the next few weeks too!)

3) My Week in the Life kit arrived! I'm so excited to participate in Ali's Week in the Life project next month. I'm one of those on-again mostly off-again want-to-be scrapbookers and this project and the kit that goes with it is helping me make this manageable for me. I've spent too much time "shaming" myself around how I don't do Project Life every week (or ever these days), and I'm ready to get off that train. If these words resonate with you, think about joining in. Learn more right here.

4) I'm delighted to be a contributor to Jessica's Summer Slowdown next month. It's a free daily email that invites you to take a deep breath and be present every day. Love this!

5) My Kata Fringe earrings from Lynzee Lynx make me so happy! Her shop is full of so many good things.

+1) The image above is from my new "One Move" mini-inspiration deck that I created for the beautiful souls who attended my One Move Retreat and who are joining me for Back to the Basics. I couldn't stop myself from ordering extras, so there are 15 sets in the shop right here. The mini-deck is just $8.