here

this week, i have been leaning into rest. i have been reading (just for fun) and working in bed while she naps and even napping once or twice. jon and i went on an impromptu valentine's day date (the babysitter had come over so i could work, but instead jon picked me up and we had an early dinner...it felt like breaking the rules in the best of ways). i have been trying to get to bed earlier. and i've been trying to observe myself with a more compassionate focus.

i am noticing that life feels softer when i rest more. i feel softer. i am more likely to move through my day with kindness and love (toward myself, toward others). it seems so obvious but it simply is hard for me to remember some days (and weeks it seems). 

tonight, i am thinking about how the remembering feels like a dance of getting to know myself again and again. and i choose to see this as a beautiful gift i give myself. because there will be days full of overwhelm and misunderstandings and forgotten deadlines and unexpected bumps in the road. but i will keep reaching for compassion, and i will try to remember that rest is so often the answer.

the poem that is pasted into my journal in the photo above is "love after love" by derek walcott. it is about remembering yourself. i keep it in constant rotation over here. i invite you to add it to your self-care toolbox. you can read all of this poem over here.

hearts

I was wishing that you could come over for tea this afternoon, so I recorded this video about the hearts hanging in our living room because I just wanted to tell you the story. You really should settle in with some tea though as I ramble for about 14 minutes...

A few links for you after you watch the video:

1. my (ever-growing) heart pinboard on Pinterest 
2. the "paint chip" heart banner that originally inspired me
3. Dottie Angel's heart banner post/tutorial
4. a link to my old first video post that was a tutorial about how to make a garland with felt circles (i use the same techniques to sew the hearts and other banners i make...my hair is shorter and oh my goodness i have a lot of energy in this video, so if you watch it, i hope it makes you giggle)

Blessings to you and yours on this day,

Liz

we went on a lunch date

a day in the life (wednesday)

On Wednesday, I played along with Ali and her "day in the life" prompt. 

I decided to make it a day where I would use my (very much underutilized) 50mm macro lens all day long. My 17-70mm is my everyday lens, but it is seeing its last days (it is somehow chipped inside the lens, which I seem to only notice when I use video, but then Millie knocked my camera on the floor a few weeks ago and the lens now won't "close" all the way). I know I will replace it when I can since I love it so much but...I have this gorgeous 50mm lens and for some reason I have been telling myself that I don't know how to use it because I had trouble taking macro photos with it when I first bought it. And I am not one who likes learning curves when I am just trying to capture this everyday, which is how I usually use my camera.

But I honestly haven't used it since Viv has been teaching me one new thing about my camera each time I see her, so it was about time I tried it again. (I talked more about this in my interview over at 52 Photos Project...see the first question...)

And after I took this photo of me and Ellie just holding the camera with my arm extended, I fell in love with this 50mm lens for real this time.

Because we were both still under the weather Wednesday (and I still am...let this weekend please be about rest), I just tried to capture the nuances of our day together. I kind of love how it was just a quiet day...

By spending the day with this lens, I learned that it isn't hard to use at all. The one piece I was missing when i tried to take macro photos when I first bought this lens was that I could tell my camera where to focus. This simple piece was why I was so frustrated with the lens at first and why I haven't used it. (Wow. Isn't it amazing how we get in our own way so simply sometimes?) 

I am so so happy to have it in my bag of tricks now and will be using it as my daily lens for a while I think...

Also, I plan to use Ali's "day in the life" template to put these photos (and a few others) on one page to insert into Project Life. So thankful for the videos and other info Ali has on her blog so I can really learn how this weekend...

Here's to moments of ease and rest for you (for me) this weekend...

Blessings,

Liz

PS Those delightful hearts are available as a free download at my post over at Roots of She this week.

today

today was full of a lot of things. ellie's first high fever. me still feeling very under the weather with this chest cold. ellie crying just because when she would usually be laughing or trying to run even faster down the hall. lots of disney junior and apple juice and bowls of peas. answering emails here and there. lots more cuddling than usual. me trying to choose kindness but failing. me wearing the same clothes as yesterday that i also wore to bed...oh wait...maybe i changed into different yoga pants but this shirt has all kinds of living on it...and you know i am sick when i am wearing one of jon's sweatshirts over my whole ensemble. a friend calling to say, "it is probably just a cold" and talking me down from my fear of "but what if it sets off the heart arrhythmia and i can't go to the picu with her because i have a cold?" listening to an awesome interview with meryl streep while working during her nap. watching this paul simon on sesame street video on repeat because every time it ended ellie would make the sign for "more" which usually means more cheese or more juice but today meant more paul (i adore her). talking on skype with my mom, and ellie instigating peek-a-boo with her (the first time ellie has really interacted in such a clear way while we are on skype...it was awesome). reading alexander and the terrible horrible no good very bad day to ellie because well, parts of yesterday and today have felt a bit like that and after she rubbed hand sanitizer into her eyes not long after falling/tripping a few times because she keeps trying to run even though she doesn't feel well...well... i thought we both needed to hear those words and she sat listening to the entire story.

and in the middle of all of it, when her fever broke, she insisted on going outside (which means she brought her boots to me and then stood at the sliding glass door pointing to the outside saying her version of "now") and so out we went for a bit. the sky was blue and the weather was warm and there were so many birds chattering and eating and milie ran and ran in the yard and ellie ran with her for a bit and i found myself suddenly face to face with the cherry tree stretching toward spring.

how about that? even while overwhelm swirls and worry tries to pitch a tent at the edge of things and my body insists on rest and i sometimes forget to choose love and the to do list is still just as long, spring is still on her way.

how are things in your corner of the world? what are you noticing today?

a glimpse into my experience with project life

last week's project life layout (can you spot my favorite part of this photo?)

i am so delighted to be humming along with Project Life over here. i got a bit behind but am filling in the missing pieces here and there and am really enjoying it. and it makes me so happy that jon is getting involved every now and then. two weeks ago, he and ellie were dancing to a few songs after dinner and i snapped some photos. after he put ellie to bed, he asked me if i would be sure to print one of those photos out for project life so he could write down a few words. YES! and the empty space above is for him to write a bit about his day in Portnald since the photos are all about ellie and me and our week together (since jon was mostly working).

one thing i appreciate about my experience so far with project life is that it continually pushes me to let go of perfection. i am so inspired by other people who scrapbook and capture everyday life this way. and when i started project life, i imagined incorporating more "stuff" in my layouts. not a lot, but i did envision printing out a few digital elements or writing the stories in pretty fonts sometimes or simply just adding a few small bits and bobs and rounding the corners of my photos and how the list goes on. however, i am letting that go for now because my goal is just to get the photos and stories into the binder. and because i found a pen i really like (no surprise here...am totally using my Smash journal pen), i am happy to be writing the stories by hand.

another aspect of my experience that i find interesting is how i go from writing the stories like i am writing them to ellie (as though they are little letters to her) to writing the stories like project life is really for me (as opposed to being "for" my family). it will be interesting to see how this continues to unfold. i am including self-portraits (like the one above that is from my "what is real" series) and more personal things (like a photo of a list in the self-care section of my journal) partly because i don't want to censor myself because project life is for the three of us. i think there can a temptation to just share the happy when we scrapbook for our families, but when i look back on these stories + photos, i want to see the real in all its forms. 

having project life out where i see it everyday helps remind me to capture the stories when i think of them. and i continue to love how the canon selphy printer makes project life easier for me. i have the printer out next to the binder. i am also using the timer on my camera to capture ellie and me in some of our everyday moments, which really makes me happy. i think she will love these photos. actually, tonight as i was putting the photos in the binder she was really interested in what i was doing. later, she pulled me back to the kitchen table to look through the binder again like we were looking through one of her books. she pointed to all the little things from her daily life (her drink, crayons, mama, grandma, daddy, oranges, and so on) just like she enjoys doing with her books. it was awesome.

moving forward, i do plan to print out a few prompts using some of ali's phrases and other good things at designer digitals. i like the idea of handing a card with a prompt on it to jon or our babysitter or a friend who might be visiting and asking them to share a few words about the day with prompts like "today i want to remember" or "favorite moment of today." and i hope to buy a few things from france when she reopens her shop. i would also like to have some 4x6 cardstock ready to go to use as backgrounds or larger journaling cards. looking at the layout above, i wonder about that mostly blank date card almost everyone uses in the top left corner. i wonder if most people leave it blank or if some journal right onto it. it would be fun to add a few words every now and then maybe using letter stamps.

are you using project life? if yes, i would love to hear about how its going for you. and if you aren't, can you spot my favorite part of the photo on this page? makes me smile every time.

enough(ness)

a glimpse into evening work + play

This week is full of days that are "just us girls." Work has Jon away many evenings and unexpectedly out of town all day Saturday. This means the overwhelm continues to wait in the wings, hoping for its cue. As I sit with the reality that a cold arrived last night and has decided to stay for a bit, I am sifting through my self-care moves to see what might work for me today as I know I have to cross off things on my "must be done today" to-do list.

As I mentioned in my video post earlier this week, I have been thinking a lot about this illusion people have when they ask, "How do you do it all?" I am still not sure what "it" is exactly, but this is what I am thinking about this morning: A big part of this illusion of someone else "doing it all" has to do with how someone observing another fills in the cracks with assumptions.

And in the blogging/social networking world many of us "live" in, the observations another makes are just a tiny slice of what is real. Just a tiny slice of what someone puts out into the world. And we put our own spin on what we see and read and hear as it goes through our own filter. I think part of what pushes people away from connections that are made in this blogging community is that they feel the weight of the assumptions others are making about them, and perhaps, even more than that, they feel the weight of the assumptions they are making about others.

As I hear Ellie stirring and begin to slip into yet another role I will play today, I want to echo the words I said in Tuesday's video because I need to write them here to remind myself: Being enough does not mean doing everything. Being enough does not mean doing it all.

Let's be gentle with one another today. Let's be gentle with ourselves. Let's release our grip on the shoulds and the assumptions. Let's listen to what we most need and love ourselves so that we can live from a place of open-hearted love as we move about the world. Let's try to live from a place where we believe the people we meet, where we believe we, are already enough.

creating space for overwhelm

Yesterday was a day full of overwhelm, and as I found myself practicing self-care in many ways today, I wanted to share a few of the thoughts that led me from there to here. (You will see the video is in two parts because of an interruption in the middle and then Ellie makes an appearance at the end, which still has me laughing just a bit.)

In the video, I mention Jen Lee's new Iconic Self Home Retreat Kit and I am wearing the "you don't have to be so good" t-shirt that is part of the Iconic Self. I am just diving into the conversation between Jen and Phyllis Mathis that takes place over four CDs, and I will share more about my experience with this kit soon. (so so good)

(And I can't help but tell you that the wall behind me used to have three huge bookcases on it that we moved last week while my mom was here. and now it is a blank canvas for some photos I have been wanting to put up for a long time. Can't wait to show you more as I keep making this house into the home we most want live in.)

*****

This week, I am readying the Create Space classroom for the session that begins this Sunday. I am so grateful for the opportunity to have these conversations about how we can create space for all that we feel and experience and how we can honor who we are, where we have been, and where we want to go.

I want to share what Stephani, a participant from the last session, said in response to one of the lessons in the course:

I've never really asked myself, "What do you need today, kid?" I know what I want, but have never given myself real permission to give it voice and to allow it to be real and not a dream of "one day, maybe some time in the future." Such emotion has filled me today because I believe I CAN, instead of wondering IF I can. This practice for me personally has lifted a layer of self-doubt, negative talk and given me the motivation to throw out my beautiful box of excuses with tomorrow's trash…I truly am where I need to be right now.

You can read a few more testimonials over on the Create Space page. Registration is ongoing until class begins next week.

Blessings and light,

Liz