today was full of a lot of things. ellie's first high fever. me still feeling very under the weather with this chest cold. ellie crying just because when she would usually be laughing or trying to run even faster down the hall. lots of disney junior and apple juice and bowls of peas. answering emails here and there. lots more cuddling than usual. me trying to choose kindness but failing. me wearing the same clothes as yesterday that i also wore to bed...oh wait...maybe i changed into different yoga pants but this shirt has all kinds of living on it...and you know i am sick when i am wearing one of jon's sweatshirts over my whole ensemble. a friend calling to say, "it is probably just a cold" and talking me down from my fear of "but what if it sets off the heart arrhythmia and i can't go to the picu with her because i have a cold?" listening to an awesome interview with meryl streep while working during her nap. watching this paul simon on sesame street video on repeat because every time it ended ellie would make the sign for "more" which usually means more cheese or more juice but today meant more paul (i adore her). talking on skype with my mom, and ellie instigating peek-a-boo with her (the first time ellie has really interacted in such a clear way while we are on skype...it was awesome). reading alexander and the terrible horrible no good very bad day to ellie because well, parts of yesterday and today have felt a bit like that and after she rubbed hand sanitizer into her eyes not long after falling/tripping a few times because she keeps trying to run even though she doesn't feel well...well... i thought we both needed to hear those words and she sat listening to the entire story.
and in the middle of all of it, when her fever broke, she insisted on going outside (which means she brought her boots to me and then stood at the sliding glass door pointing to the outside saying her version of "now") and so out we went for a bit. the sky was blue and the weather was warm and there were so many birds chattering and eating and milie ran and ran in the yard and ellie ran with her for a bit and i found myself suddenly face to face with the cherry tree stretching toward spring.
how about that? even while overwhelm swirls and worry tries to pitch a tent at the edge of things and my body insists on rest and i sometimes forget to choose love and the to do list is still just as long, spring is still on her way.
how are things in your corner of the world? what are you noticing today?