turning helplessness into compassion.

 

ganesh ready for action . manzanita, oregon . late february 2011

On a day like today, when I turn on the news and am simply in horror at what I see...when I am oceans away from devastation and visuals that look like they are from a work of fiction from a Hollywood studio, i find myself standing inside helplessness. Unsure of what to do.

Sometimes, in my overwhelm at seeing all these visuals, I can make it about my helplessness instead of focusing on what I can actually do.

Maybe you are there too. Perhaps we turn off the news, ashamed because we "cannot handle" what we see. The guilt of being worried about what to make for dinner in a kitchen full of food or the realization that what to wear doesn't really matter at all becomes a reality as we see houses swept away. Swept away.

I am trusting that concrete ways to help in the small ways we can will present themselves as we continue to see it all unfold, but this morning, I am lighting a candle of hope, strength, and love and gathering Ellie Jane up in my arms and turning to what I know. Sending out compassion and hope and strength feels like something almost tangible I can do in this moment.

Maybe you will want to join me. 

(If you would like to join in and listen to a guided meditation about sending compassion out into the world, head over to this page in the Find Your Center section of my site.)

in hope and light,

liz

an evening...

what is real (march 8)

it was a day.

one of those.

one part beauty and one part oh my god how did i get here with a dash of just do it girl.

i changed out of pajamas by 10.

so that felt like perfection.

by 10:15 i had apples+sweet potatoes sweetly kissed (ahem) in various spots of my shirt + purple dress i had put over my yoga pants to feel like i was actually dressed like i might leave the house.

one piece of toast eaten was at some point.

thank god it had peanut butter on it as it ended up needing to last me until jon brought something home around 4:30.

in the midst of that there was an answer from the universe disguised as a (thank you for you) phone call with a friend.

and a nap was taken by someone other than me.

a short nap.

a seriously girl you have got to be kidding me short nap.

and a dog breathed her is that really your breath breath in my face while seeking attention.

i let her kiss me.

i think she was after the apples+sweet potatoes.

somewhere in there i began to dream about going to a bookstore and out to dinner.

but the i think i will be fussies arrived in full swing. 

the maybe i am just gonna go ahead and get two more teeth fussies.

or perhaps it is the i am just not feeling happy fussies.

hopefully it isn't the i feel a cold coming adventure.

so i found myself just holding on.

the to do list as always tapping at the corner of my mind while i sang about rainbows and changed the words to several songs while playing peekaboo.

a lunch/early dinner arrived via jon.

and i found myself saying maybe i could just run over to the bookstore.

after you eat.

just me.

okay was the reply.

a change of clothes.

a decision that three-day-old dirty hair actually starts looking good on the eve of day four.

add boots.

gotta have them boots.

plus the happy yellow purse.

and into the car i went.

alone.

a.l.o.n.e.

i sang loudly as i crossed the bridge with the sun almost setting and the olympic mountains peeking through the clouds.

loudly.

"and i'm gonna drive thru the hills with my hand out the window and sing till i run out of words."*

then wandered and gathered goodness at the bookstore.

so. much. goodness.

including two more notebooks because we all agree i need more of those.

then had the reminder that bad customer service in adorable children's stores always helps me save my money.

(guess she missed the boots.)

and then a call from home.

all was okay in the way it is when someone knows you need a deep breath but has a question.

do you need me to come home?

we are okay the response.

so maybe i will try that wine bar flitted through my mind.

one glass and time with some new to me sharon olds and an at the ready notebook.

and then i looked across the parking lot and said out loud or i could go to a movie.

(right now)

totally alone.

immersed in something other than all that must get done or those who need me for almost two hours.

alone.

i actually felt my heart quicken.

totally alone.

another call.

just text if you need me.

within minutes a moment to myself in the bathroom where i looked in the mirror and laughed because i felt like i was playing hooky for the first time ever.

in my whole life.

the good girl playing hooky.

with a side of popcorn+frozen coke+darkness+a row to myself+silly previews+johnny depp.

on the way home, i turned the dial up even more.

"and i'm gonna drive to the ocean, go skinny dipping, blow kisses to venus and mars."*

yes.

(soon.)

*from "wedding day" by rosie thomas

new in the shop (or how i continue to find my way)

new necklaces in the shop

still working on that mountain of things to do over here, but happy to report that i did get a few new items listed in the shop. a small "almost spring" collection and a few ready to ship/one of a kind necklaces.

after a long talk with a friend who let me ramble in circles as i wished for an assistant and the gift of rest, i have decided to close my shop for the weeks surrounding the next retreat (which is the Joy retreat...there are still five spots left!). UPDATE: (realized a few things about my schedule and am modifying the dates i originally put here) so i will be closing my etsy shop from March 28 to around April 18 to give myself some time to focus on the other aspects of my creative business, including workshops, retreats, and some other fun things i have waiting in the idea journal...and i will be working on a fun new spring collection for the shop during that time too.

i am actually organizing and hosting five retreats this year and the first four happen one right after the other (including one in the midwest...have you heard? kelly b and i are really doing it! yep. culver, indiana in may. more information right here). i am so excited about these retreats and the first one, Pen & Paper, unfolded so beautifully (more on that soon) and gently pushed me to continue to own that i do feel like this is my calliing...to gather women to play and create and sit in the quiet and share pieces of their stories. it is a gift to be present at these gatherings.

as i said to my friend, i am at this place where i have to admit that i feel behind in many things because i am a work at home mama to a little one who needs me more than anyone else does, but i also feel like i am at this important place on my creative path. there is an intense push and pull happening inside me at times. and even though i know this is part of it, part of this new mama experience, it still is what it is. and it is happening. and it is going to keep happening. i am learning that i simply must say "no" because life is unpredictable with a baby, especially one who has health "stuff" and daily medication and doctor's appointments and how the list goes on. letting people down can feel a bit like i am suffocating (do you know that feeling?) but i am standing in the truth that letting ellie down is not an option right now. 

so as i continue to find my way, i deeply appreciate you being out there reminding me i am not alone as i do this...one breath, one step, repeat repeat repeat. 

happy weekend to you in your corner of the world,

liz

nine months.

nine months today . celebrating with carrots and apples

::home::

my family . february 28, 2011

i went to the coast and forgot to tell you.

i went to the coast and was encircled by truth and love and hope and friendship and the real.ness that comes when you open your heart to all that awaits.

and suddenly i am home again.

this morning, my head still on the pillow, it felt like i was sitting on the first step of the mountain littered with items labeled "to do" and "please respond" and "would you, could you" and "so much goodness" and "would it be possible to" and "all that must be done" and "deadlines" and "orders" and "i can't wait to get started on" and "there is so much i want to tell you" and how the list goes on.

and then a giggle from another room and the mountain shifts to a home and a little girl and day that awaits and whispers of "i sleep in my crib now" and "look at how i hold my bottle" and "are you really here?" and "i roll over and love it" and "i might crawl if i don't walk first" and "sitting at the table is the best" and "will you sing that one again?" and then another smile so wide and my heart tries to capture it...my open oh my goodness can it really be this open heart tries to tuck all of this inside the pocket labeled "be right here" and i nod knowing the mountain can wait until tomorrow.

she seeks the light

a late evening truth

from the archives, february 2009 . puget sound

trust this truth:

you can walk tall on the path that feels most like home.

shop news

a few necklaces that i will be phasing out from the shop to make room for new designs

For the last few weeks, as visits to my Etsy shop increased quite a bit in an unexpected but oh my goodness delightful (thank you) way, I have been relisting several popular designs. This means that most of the designs in the shop have become "made when ordered" necklaces with a waiting period from time of order to shipment. This has been working quite well, but it has meant I had moved away from the more "one of a kind" pieces that have mostly filled the shop in the past. It has also meant that the ideas for new designs have stayed in my idea journal or my head and not made it to the shop.

So after thinking about this quite a bit, I have decided to change things up a bit.

I am naming the above necklaces the "winter collection" as several of these are the designs I have been relisting often over the last few weeks. On Friday, I will remove all the necklaces pictured above from the shop to make room for a new collection of whispered soul mantra lockets that I am working on this week. I will do this every other month or so, adding new designs here and there. These will be "made when ordered" necklaces with a wait time of about 2-3 weeks. I love that this means I will be thinking of the customer who bought each necklace as I create each necklace. Note that this doesn't mean you will never see these phrases or beads in the shop again, but these combinations of specific locket styles + specific beads + phrases will not be appearing again.

Several of the most popular simple locket designs will stay in the shop and are now part of a section called "Simple Mantra Lockets." Additionally, there is a new section of "ready to ship" lockets and soul mantra necklaces that includes one-of-a-kind selections and items that are already made and ready to be shipped right away (my hope is to add to this section a few times a month). Also, the new Heart.Full Collection is an ongoing limited edition collection of necklaces with 15% of the profits of sales from the collection being donated to Mary Bridge and Seattle Children's Hospitals. (And I am so so happy to report that the Heart.Full "i am enough" and "yes" necklaces have been such great sellers already. Oh how I love this! Jon and I are so thrilled to be able to donate to the people at these hospitals who have literally saved our daughter's life. Thank you (yes you) for helping us to do this.)

January brought quite a few custom orders, and how I loved pounding so many powerful words into lockets for my customers. However, there were so many custom orders that I have had to take a bit of a break from them to keep up. My hope is to open the shop for custom orders from time to time but this probably won't happen until after the next two Be Present Retreats.

To just be honest, things are super busy around here for several reasons and though I am so honored to be hammering these custom stories into necklaces for people, I have to make sure I am taking care of all the areas of my creative business and getting a bit of time to play with those I love and rest and recharge. Right now, almost every waking hour feels a bit like a race of taking care of Ellie all day long to working while she naps to working when she goes to bed (or when Jon can watch her for a bit). I want to infuse all that I am doing with deep breaths and joy as much as possible instead of giving everything the energy of a frazzled new mom who is drinking too much coffee. (Insert photo of me smiling sheepishly here.) So putting these new ideas for the shop into practice feels like a good step for this time in my life. This way, when I do have time for custom orders, I can give people the individual attention they need. Please note though that I am taking custom simple soul mantra one word orders on an ongoing basis.

And I am just going to say this truth that has been bubbling up as I write this post:

I am so blessed. I am so blessed that people come to my little spot on the web and connect with these stories of truth and hope and love that I am putting out into the world in the form of these lockets and necklaces and other things in the shop. And the blessings just continue as people reach out to let me know how much the necklaces and stories mean to them. They tell me how the whispered soul mantras gently push them to own the truths they already know: that they are enough, that they can choose hope, that they can stand tall in the light, that they can trust their wisdom. The stories of love and hope that are coming my way simply push me to know that I am not alone...we are not alone as we walk on our paths hoping and wishing and living, really living while trying to be our very best selves.

Yes.

Thank you. Big.

xoxo,

Liz