patience.

point defiance park . august 2009 (photo by jon)

On June 3, we began our journey toward a new normal with a new member of our family, and just as we were finding our footing, another path appeared to add an entirely new layer to this "normal."

And here we are.

Patience is our new mantra.

Yes.

On Monday, when we met with Ellie's cardiologist, Dr. S, the above quote from the Buddha floated through my mind. For the first two years of this blog, this quote appeared in my banner. Dr. S is very "be present, be here" as she pushes us to stay in this moment instead of moving our minds ahead toward the "what ifs." We have a pact; when she looks me in the eye and says "and now I am concerned," I can then start to really worry. Until then, we are waiting and breathing. Even though on paper, things are...well...somewhat scary, all of us are waiting and breathing. Ellie's medication is working, which means her heart isn't working quite so hard (which is good). We will be visiting Dr. S every couple of days for a bit to make sure Ellie's heart finds its way to the rhythm we want. (There is of course a story that tells the details of what we are experiencing, but just like my experience with my pregnancy and Ellie's birth, I am just not quite ready to go into all those details yet. Time...time...)

So here is the scoop I want to share: As we find our way in this new normal, I am finding that when I let my mama brain rest sometimes and allow my creative brain to take over, I feel more myself and can be a lot more present. So even though I will still share updates of how Ellie is doing and we will be spending time in doctors' offices and all that fun stuff, I am going to keep the creative juices flowing in this space as it feels right.

So stay tuned for:
More about my experience writing Inner Excavation (and a peek at the cover!)
A sneak peek of the amazing contributors who are in my book
A new necklace series in the shop
A new design to the shop
A few new collaborations
More about upcoming Be Present Retreats
...and a few other things

Thank you again for all of your kind words, prayers, emails, phone calls...we continue to feel so surrounded in love and hope. Even though we know we have no control over what is to come, each day, Jon and I look into Ellie Jane's eyes and believe that all will be okay. Thank you for believing along side us.

Blessings and light,

Liz

::home::

 

breathing in the fresh air of home . july 18, 2010

thank you for surrounding us with light and love.

yes.

my heart knows we are so blessed, and i am so grateful for the way so many have kept us in their thoughts...

i am on the cusp of that feeling where just one person's gentle touch or kind word or invitation to be seen might send me into a puddle...and so i try to sleep to give my mind and heart a rest...

our "new normal" continues, but we are home. 

we are home.

more soon...

blessings,

liz

in this moment {what is real}

in this moment, i am sitting inside hope, inviting my emotional self to rest, keeping my eyes open (barely), climbing a learning curve, focusing on a little bean, and remembering (trying to remember) to breathe.

*****

about five years ago, i was in manzanita oregon (a place that has a piece of my heart) at a yoga retreat. during that retreat, i wrote the following: my work is to create peace around me and to write about true things, feelings, and moments so that others will know they are not alone....this is my practice. (you can read more about this here.)

a few weeks later, i started this blog, and that phrase has been a guide as i share things in this space. and, of course, i learned that by sharing the truth, i know that i am not alone.

today is a day where i need to be reminded of this.

for the last two days, we have been with miss ellie in the pediatric ICU. her heart has been "having a time of it." she is okay, and we expect that to continue. but we are scared and trying to stay really really present as we give so much love to this little one.

so if you feel moved, could you close your eyes and breathe deeply and send a little love and a few prayers to a little room in tacoma where a little heart (and a little family) is trying to find its way.

thank you...

blessings,

liz

rooted

(a project inspired by Inner Excavation)

life with ellie jane (the first five weeks)

 

current favorite EJ photo . taken by vivienne mcmaster

while i was pregnant, i became quite excited whenever i came across a blog post about the items new parents found helpful in the first few weeks of their newborn's life. because jon and i don't have siblings with children and haven't been around newborns really much at all in our adult lives, we relied on our friends (and the magic of blog world) to help us figure out what we needed and what we could wait on so that our already full home didn't become too filled with baby "stuff" that we did not need just yet.

so in the spirit of sharing information, here are a few of the things we have been really glad we have and then a few just for fun tips...

oh and if you reading this have anything to add or share (or questions), please feel free to add your thoughts in the comments. and if you can, share links because links are always helpful for the mama who has pregnancy or newborn brain...thanks!

feeding

the Boppy Pillow has been perfect for feedings. because of my c-section, having this for ellie to rest on while i am nursing her (or feeding her a bottle as we are doing both) has been great help. the custom patchwork cover we have (from delightful vintage fabrics) is from the etsy shop "for the love of joy." and if you are reading this, you probably know this but i just have to say: you can never have too many burp cloths. we are mostly using the cloth diapers from gerber cloth diapers from gerber but i also made some from fabric i love + chenille. we use the burp cloths for feedings but also for, well, everything as messes abound with a baby. (oh and these nursing tanks from target are perfect. i actually wore them the last few weeks of my pregnancy, especially to bed.)

sleeping

after doing a lot of research, i decided to splurge on the cariboo folding bassinet. it has been perfect for the very small space we have in our bedroom. it is very sturdy and so easy to move when we want to have her in another room with us (and she wants to nap). and when we head to the ocean next month (i am putting this out there in the hopes it will actually happen), we will be able to easily fold it up and put it in the car. we will also use it later for toys in ellie's nursery. we received the halo sleepsack from the hospital when ellie was born. she sleeps in it every night. we also have the Kiddopotamus SwaddleMe but ellie was a bit too small for it until week 3. we love them both and so does ellie (especially after finally watching Happiest Baby on the Block, which, by the way, you also need dear pregnant one who might be reading this).

changing

the Wipe Warmer. so this one seems silly doesn't it? a wipe warmer? but when jon and i saw this online, we both had the same thought, "shouldn't everyone have one?" the answer is simply "yes." diaper changes are simply easier with a warm wipe. end of story. now onto diapers...so the hospital gives you a package of these pampers with this wetness indicator that turns blue when the baby needs to be changed. and then you get home. and at about day three, you realize the regular newborn pampers swaddlers do not have the strip. and you ask every person you know where to find them and no one knows...but then you use google and AHA! you find that the pampers sensitive diapers (in sizes newborn, 1, and 2) have the stripe! (and your husband agrees to continue to do almost all diaper changes because you order a box bigger than the one the stroller came in filled with aforementioned diapers!) 

a few random tips:

keep your camera in the room where you spend most of your time. you will want to capture so many of the facial expressions your little one makes, but you won't want to leave him or her alone while you run around like a crazy person looking under everything for your camera. have a spot for it and leave it there when you aren't using it.

meals ready in the freezer BEFORE your water breaks is not a bad idea.

have confidence in your partner when he or she is taking care of the baby. (my friend lindsey gave me this advice a few months ago and it has been so helpful. i sleep through the middle of the night feeding jon gives ellie because i am not wrapped up in the idea that only i know how to do things for her.)

carriers/slings: you are probably going to want one of these but you might want to wait until baby gets here and take him or her to the store nearest you that sells them to try them until you find one that works...we are currently figuring this out and i will share my finds.

kindle + iTouch have been so helpful for one-handed reading of the online or book variety.

audio books are a wonderful companion to pumping.

nursery: we are slowly finishing up the little bean's room and i hope to share photos of her space in the next few weeks. it is the space in our home that is most the style i would love our entire home to feel like, so i am hoping that the light, airy, happy, creative feel is contagious.

nine {with michelle ensminger}

Today's Nine interview is with dear soul Michelle Ensminger. Michelle was the very first person to comment on this blog of mine back in 2005. As bloggers, we always remember our first commenter don't we? I think it is because in many instances that person will forever represent someone who gently says, "I see you." Michelle is that person for me. She is a woman who lives with an open heart, a poet's heart, and she shares pieces of what she sees and what she knows in such an honest, brave way that when you meet her you know your life will be forever changed. I know this to be true.

Enjoy this peek into Michelle's world.

*****

Question 1: Who are you?

Question 2: What do you love about where you live?

Question 3: What might your perfect afternoon look like?

Question 4: If you had an hour alone in your studio/creative space, what would you do?

Question 5: Right now, what are some of your favorite things?

Question 6: What foods nourish your soul?

Question 7: When you need to simply take a breath and reground yourself, what do you do?

Question 8: How do you nurture your creative dreams?

Question 9: Does your heart have a secret wish you want to share?

*****

Michelle Ensminger loves poetry, photography, and dates with her 7 year old son. She strives to nurture her creative life and pursue an authentic spiritual path in the midst of motherhood and working an 8-5 job.  

She is currently taking a hiatus from blogging (http://blog.tangledwings.com) but you can find more of her writing each month at The Wish Studio blog (http://wishstudio.com/).  She can also be found on Flickr (http://www.flickr.com/photos/ordinarymatters/) and Facebook.

(All photos copyright Michelle Ensminger.)

*****

Nine is an interview series with creative folks that began in the Spring of 2009; the interviewees are asked to respond to the interview questions in photographs (or video). You can scroll through all the interviews here.

notes for the journey. invitations of inspiration.

leg warmers + flip flops on the 4th of july

i have been peeking my head out into blogworld and even into the "real" world every now and then, and i have come across a few things that invited me to want to do, create, play, and open up:

elizabeth's postcard project

kristen's new project exquisite corpse collective (and her new digs in the violet hour)

mati's painting a day

betsy snyder's book Haiku Baby(a present from viv. we. love. this. book). betsy has a blog and the book even has its own adorable site.

maddie's videos invite me to get out my flip and capture the world around me. love the whimsy and poetry of the little film in this post. and the light captured in this one makes me a bit weak in the knees (in the best of ways). can't wait until this fall when maddie teaches at reveal.

kate's words at the wishstudio about living from your whole body

(oh and just in case you need a little sixty seconds of cute...you can find miss ellie in moving pictures here)

PS a big thank you to all my guest bloggers who stepped in to share inspiration while i took a bit of a maternity leave from this space. their posts will fill up your soul's well, so if you haven't already, please read them all here.

today . a through the lens (backyard) walk

*****

i took five minutes just for me
and went out to the backyard
for a quick artist date
to see what i could see...

what are you seeing in your world? i would love to know.

(and thank you. yes. thank you. for your kind words about my last post. thank you for getting it and reaching out to let me know you do.)