a quiet night (just the girls)

17 things inviting my lips to turn up a bit today

deciding to sleep for an extra hour this morning.

the sun shined for a few minutes today.

cooking lunch for myself and then not working while eating.

my boss's delightful sense of humor.

feeling cocooned by community. (thank you)

listening to the political heads talk on cnn.

wearing my new mickey sweatshirt (it is so soft).

my always straight for my whole life hair is starting to curl when i let it air dry.

the way millie followed me around all day, right by me in every single moment, until she heard the magical sound of the keys in the back door and suddenly found a new source to shadow.

singing loudly in the shower.

looking down and seeing that my AOUSs (ankles of unusual size) are normal again. (does this happen to anyone else when flying across the country? how do i prevent this?)

beginning to replace all the not so great underwear with the new favorite underwear so that each morning i put on a favorite pair instead of an "oh crap i need to do laundry" pair.

the umbrella resting against the back step that i used so that i did not have to get wet while millie did her thing in the midst of this evening's downpour. (thanks for keeping it there.)

saying no to something, even though the decision was hard, saying no.

lighting the healing candle and believing.

realizing that grey's anatomy is new.

remembering there is a frosty in the freezer (and then consuming it while watching grey's anatomy).

inspirations. january 9.

"start close in" by david whyte.

this brian andreas story (and this one too).

this carla sonheim girl.

singing loudly while listening to my ipod.

listening to steve martin.

an enchanted life.

sparkletopia.

.today.

I listen to these words…

Where have you been,
My long lost friend?
It's good to see you again.
Come and sit for a while
I've missed your smile*

and my heart aches.

Today, I would have picked up the phone.
The feelings stacking up inside…pushing up into my chest and throat.

anger. whys
sadness. fears.
confusion. assumptions.
grief. truths. untruths.

I wanted to just say it. All of it. Out loud. To you.

As I drove away from Starbucks with my chai latte, trying to find warmth for a body that has never so hated the chills of the wet weather here than it does this day, my heart cried to tell you, to tell someone, all of it.

Instead I drove home.

I drew a bath, lit a candle, and sat in the hot, hot water with my hot chai.
My body found warmth.
And I told you all of it.
Without the phone or your voice or your presence.
I came back to my practice.
The one that sometimes creates winding paths of tears.
The one that forces me to speak the truth.
I came back to my practice and told you everything.
All the stacked up feelings poured forth with the tears and snot and truth.
I sat in the warmth and told you everything.
I hugged myself and dipped face first into the water.
Releasing one hands grip on fear.
And sat up and sang a lullaby to me.
Then I found my breath.
And stood and salt-scrubbed through to the next layer.
I chanted winding, repeating rhythms to Ganesh.
And held onto the hope of beginning and pushing through.
Pushing through all of it.

Tonight, I sit here, listening to these words

A sense of joy fills the air
And I daydream and I stare
Above the tree and I see
Your star up there
And this is how I see you
In the snow on Christmas morning
Love and happiness surround you
As you throw your arms up to the sky
I keep this moment by and by**

and my heart aches.
The ache of truth and missing.

I try to find my center in the midst of the ache, in the midst of the confusion, sadness, assumptions, untruths, and all that cannot be.
I try to find my breath.
I try to find my truth.
I try to find my center.

I breathe in.
I breathe out.
I breathe in.
I breathe out.

*lyrics from "Stay" sung by Alison Krauss
**lyrics from "Wintersong" sung by Sarah McLachlan

solutions to the grumps

the post-vacation sleepy grumps got the best of me today...
jon reminded me that when i can't get out of a funk there is one fool-proof solution:
kittenwar!

he was right.

and i reminded myself that there is another solution that always works:
a little etsy therapy

and i was right too.

today's purchases, from this lovely goddess's shop, encouraged me to think about a few of the items i've packed and brought with me into 2008...i will share more when these thoughts are a bit more arranged in a less sleepy head.

i'm anticipating all that is to come with this year...

blessings to you in your corner of the world.
wish you were here to share in a cup of tea.

five (really) good moments from last week and happy (belated) new year

please share your five (really) good things...or moments...from the last few days...catch me up on what is happening in your world...

*********
i wanted to post this video on new year's day...but i got caught up in all the fun and enjoyed a vacation away from my laptop...though i am going to post my belated new year's wishes to you all the same...
update: some of you let me know you are having trouble watching the video. not sure what is going on, but you can click here to watch it.

hope your first few days of 2008 have been full of light and peace...

soon...

(photos from our last trip, both taken by jon)

packing