good morning monday {october 29}

singing

Paul Simon. he is appearing to me in dreams now. (more on this tomorrow.)

watching

Finding Nemo. haven’t watched this one in a while. i get chills at the part where all the sea creatures and then birds are spreading the story of a fish looking for his son.

House – still watching Season One. Still creepy, but still so good.

in no particular order:
Battlestar Galactica
Ugly Betty (loved it. survivor lost me this week by playing the retrospective)
Gilmore Girls
Studio 60
Heroes (okay THAT show is super good)
(i could keep going but i am a bit embarrassed that i really am watching this much tv)

Whoopi: Back to Broadway (for the second time. so good. so much heart in the midst of her words.)

reading

this blog. i can’t wait to see heather’s fabrics when her line comes out with free spirit.

the poetry of Billy Collins from the collection in Questions about Angels. the poem "candle hat" resonated with me deeply last night as i had a poetry reading in the bathtub. (you can read it here.) when i finished it i exclaimed aloud, "fantastic." i couldn't help myself.

Ina Garten’s new cookbook. (she had me at the dedication.)

creating

something that is, hate to say it, a secret. but i will share pictures after i give them as gifts. (because i am super excited about them.)

enjoying

the way i can now post larger pictures because Deb taught me how to change the size of my blog columns (or whatever the technical term is). Thanks Deb!

cooking/eating

stir fry…with some of our yummy veggies. this is how i will eat those “grassy” leafy greens.

the best peppermint ice cream. slow-churned low-fat dreyers. it tastes like the “real” thing. love it!

drinking

green tea. green tea. and some more…green tea.

anticipating

my brother’s experience at the CMJ Music Marathon in NYC this week. his band, Daytime Volume, was on the front page of the intermission section of our hometown paper (read it here). i can’t wait to tell you how to buy your own copy of the CD that will be released in January – stay tuned. (if you click on their name above you can hear a few of their songs. good stuff.)

a visit from some dear friends…in just a few short days (hours really).

thinking

about how sweet jonny is to help me clean the house. thank you my dear.

about how i work for such an incredible woman. having a boss you admire and respect (and she doesn't care that you work in your pjs because you work from home) is more than a good thing. it is a great, fantastic thing.

loving

flannel pajamas, hot cocoa, saturday college football, sunflowers, the colors of fall, fudge, stripey socks, and pumpkins.

senses. delicate fall.

{see}

{hear}

{touch}

{smell}

{taste}

{and know}

flowers and some hair of red...

Thursday morning I woke up grumpy. crabby. a little bit annoyed with the world. I hate when my alarm has to wake me up. Usually I get up long before the alarm (I set it as a last resort in a kind of "guess i need the sleep if i don't get up before it" way). The alarm scared me. I woke up from a dream with my heart pounding. And then read some work emails that made me even more grumpy.

But two things got me out of my grumpiness.

The first: A gift to me from Alicia's Posie shop:

(I love how she packages everything. Perfect. It really is like opening up a gift for yourself. And it would be so easy to send someone a gift from her site. Love it.

(okay so it may not look like i am a redhead. but i am a brunette with red highlights, really i am. yep. i am.) (oh and the reason i didn't show my whole face is because i think i looked "middle aged" in that photo - not that there is anything wrong with that, if you are indeed middle aged but at 30 i don't think i am so much there yet. but a clerk at the mall said to me, after i commented that i hadn't noticed this new hipper section of clothes that isn't just for juniors before, "yes, it is kind of a hip middle age section." ah. okay. glad i just bought one thing. oh and she was, by the way, my mom's age. so a bit older than moi.)

The second thing that got me out of my crabbiness was a phone call from my friend (thanks V. so good to catch up).

I highly recommend buying yourself a little gift or two from one of the independent artists out there in blog world. Go on. You know you want to.

Happy weekend!

poetry in every moment {poetry thursday}

In this week’s Poetry Thursday prompt I mentioned that since I started reading and writing poetry I have noticed that poetry seems to be in every moment. I realize this may be naïve or give a nice obvious indication of how new poetry is to my life. But I think of it as something else.

When I told people I was going to give a presentation about journaling as a practice earlier this year, so many people were quick to say to me, “I don’t journal” or “I hate journaling” and so on (not you bloggers, those other people). When I asked them why, many said, “because I have nothing of any importance to say” or something similar.

Poetry can invite some related insecurities, “I don’t understand it” and “I don’t know what I would write.” In noticing the moments of poetry in my life, I begin to feel confidence to find the words, to write a poem.

********

A few moments of poetry in my week:

Standing in the bathroom, I lean against the counter eye-to-eye with me. The continued awareness that I greet an old friend. I am not afraid.

Millie watches every move my husband makes. He turns the page of the newspaper, he scratches his head, brings his mug of tea to his lips, she is there with every movement. I wonder what she thinks, hopes, “will this movement bring dinner?”

Closing my eyes and losing myself, just for a moment, in the music of Loreena McKennitt. While listening I imagine myself in a long flowing skirt of layers and layers of fabric, flowers in my hair, spinning in circles and dancing beneath a huge, full moon while women play the drums and other instruments in celebration.

Observing the interactions between a mother and son. Though he is an adult, there is still the expectation between them that she does and he lets her.

An argument with my husband about the way he cooked dinner for us after I get home from yoga class. I wonder if I am the same person who gently leads my class through pose after pose to remind them who they are, who can then come home and expect perfection for dinner.

Resting my head back in the basin at the beauty salon while the color seeps into my hair, I close my eyes and just listen to all the voices around me.

I walk through the house and light candle after candle.

For the second time in two weeks a woman reminds me of my life’s path. And this time I listen.

I am crabby and still in my pajamas at 1:00 in the afternoon because the work has piled up and it feels like it has taken over my life. I am becoming my parents.

A friend gives me a glimpse into her experiences, her journey. I listen and nod. The gift of the opportunity to understand.

My foot leans into the pedal as I move the fabric through the foot of the machine. Feeling the rhythm, what was once only in my mind is now a reality.

I look in the mirror and giggle. Wearing my hanky pankies, my silk camisole, my cardigan, and a flower in my hair. I am a redhead!

********

Writing this I realize that when work consumes me, I end up spending too much time alone in my house. I want to come back to this exercise with the intention of taking time each day to get out of my house. Even if that means just sitting in the backyard and watching the birds, taking Millie on a quick walk, driving to Starbucks for…you guessed it, a pumpkin latte. The need to get outside myself.

taking things personally {self-portrait challenge}

When I was in high school I had a journal that had quotes from women throughout the pages. I often think about this one:

Women are repeatedly accused of taking things personally. I cannot see any other honest way of taking them.
Marya Mannes

It struck me then, and it strikes me now. That quote felt like a literal self reflection. There is a scene in You’ve Got Mail where Tom Hanks’ character says, “It’s not personal; it’s business.” And Meg Ryan’s character talks about how people say that, but if it is anything, it is personal. Life is personal.

I think people consider me someone who is emotional. I take things personally. I think this is one of my best qualities. Yep. I admit it. I love that I am emotional. I don’t mean dramatic (though I am quite sure I have my moments). No, I mean someone who isn’t afraid of feeling. Someone who admits to having emotions and feeling them.

I spend a lot of time sifting through my own “stuff,” the guts of life. The insecurities and past stuff. I sift and peel back and move through. As I do this I uncover, you guessed it, a lot of emotion.

When you are someone who sifts through things a lot, you become aware of your triggers. Why do I feel this way when someone does ____? Why am I angry about _____? Why do I feel like crying in certain moments? What is all of this really about? These are questions I am always asking myself.

The introspective me wants to know the answers. But the emotional me sometimes invites a feeling of searching for the answers through a bit of fog.

Last week was a week where several things collided at once. Just when I thought, “okay, I can figure this out,” I was hit from another side with something else. Over and over again. And even though I received support from some dear friends through this, the emotional me got a bit caught up in it all. And the “stuff” I uncovered began to cloud…well…everything.

I felt like I was on one of those rides at the fair. The one where it starts out slow, moving in a circle over a few little hills, but then it gets faster and faster and the music playing gets louder and louder. And you can’t stop it. When I was in, maybe, second grade, my father took a friend and me on one of those rides. I screamed the entire time. I kept begging my dad to wave to the guy to let him know I wanted to get off. The terror actually bubbles up a bit just thinking about that experience. A total loss of control.

It is a delicate balance. The emotional and the self-reflective. You have to check in with yourself, take your temperature, to figure out what is really going on. Because, the reality is, you are the only one who knows. You are the only one who understands why you choose to react the way you do. And figuring that out is hard enough.

Imagine if you start attempting to figure out why everyone else is doing what they are doing? Well, that can start to get really messy, especially because they are the only ones who can know. And they might not be in a place to really understand this.

Sometimes I wonder how we have any relationships at all. Truly. How do we ever successfully communicate with another person when we have a hard enough time communicating with ourselves? But, I believe relationships are part of the beauty of our time here. Connecting. Feeling. Finding our way through the emotional connections we have with others, this is a big piece of the journey.

Perhaps nestling into a life full of emotion can cause one to feel a bit blurry at times. But I think this is what we do: We make a commitment to feel, really feel deeply, so that we can live in our lives.

(to see other reflections on imperfection visit self-portrait challenge.)

good morning monday {october 23}

singing

I am one of those people who hums along with instrumental music. I have been known to make up sounds that are words to this music…I have been spending time with the soundtracks from The Hours and Chocolat lately. Just love how those soundtracks put your right back into the movies.

watching

Don Juan DeMarco. One of my all-time favorite movies. I have probably seen it at least twenty times. In college, I used to watch it almost weekly (okay so maybe more than twenty times). I hadn’t seen it in a few years, and as I was sewing this weekend, I recited the lines along with Mr. Depp and Mr. Brando. It has one of my favorite last lines of all time.

The first season of House (I am through the first four episodes. This is one creepy, good show.)

Sense and Sensibility. Another movie I have seen over and over again. My two favorite moments: When Marianne call to Col Brandon in the doorway; she is in bed ill and has just started to get better. How his face changes, ever so slightly, (don’t blink you will miss it) when she says thank you. That look = hope. I lost a piece of my heart to Alan Rickman the first time I saw that movie (yes, I do mean Snape…he is so good). My other favorite moment is when Eleanor spontaneously combusts into tears when she realizes Edward is not married. I love her reaction. Pure emotion. Beautiful.

reading

I must be honest that I have mostly just been reading my work (I am an editor). And I have spent a few minutes with a two-week-old Entertainment Weekly.

creating

Purses! I will have show and tell soon…

Pictures with my camera. Walking around Point Defiance Park Friday afternoon has reminded me of all the gorgeous colors in the world. So many gorgeous colors and textures. (Point Defiance Park was where I snapped those photos of the roses I posted this weekend. It is an incredible park right on Puget Sound. Our delightful zoo is there so I could actually hear elephants as I took pictures.)

Last year at this time I took my camera with me everywhere, always thinking about what pictures to post here on this blog. The photos I took last Friday are reminding me of that feeling.

enjoying

Listening to my golden retriever snore. Really, I love that sound.

A couple of delightful phone conversations with Alexandra this weekend. She called to let me know she did try the pumpkin doughnut at Starbucks. You, yes you, you should go try one too! (Oh and Alexandra – I did try the maple coffee drink…oh my goodness.)

cooking/eating

All these gorgeous veggies and fruits. I love Tiny’s! Any thoughts on what to make with bok choy?

And I have been inspired to actually start cooking again. Started with Ina’s turkey meatloaf. (yummy)

drinking

A maple macchiato from Starbucks. (No they don’t pay me to advertise…but it is hard to escape that place out here. So good.)

anticipating

A visit from some dear friends…in just a few short days.

thinking

About the lovely afternoon I spent with Letha on Saturday. We wandered through Ballard (a delightful Seattle neighborhood full of fun stores and cafes. They have so many coffee shops! (Oh I bought some shoes I will have to model for you!)

About how to redo the template of this blog so that I can post larger pictures without the sidebar being knocked down to the bottom of the screen. Any suggestions? On the same note: Has anyone switched from blogger to another blog host and been able to move their archives? If yes, please let me know how you did it. (thanks!)

loving

A house full of candlelight. Last year at about this time, I read a blog post about how someone in this neck of the woods starts lighting candles before dusk so that the house is full of candlelight when it starts getting dark so early. Then as she walks around the house blowing them out before going to bed, she says blessings for people in her life. I have started doing this as well. It makes the house so yummy and cozy and warm. And blessings are always a good thing.

What have you been up to?

senses. fall rose garden.

{see}

{taste}

{touch}

{hear}

{smell}

{and know}

a bus full of poetry {poetry thursday}

My husband gets up before me almost every day (except for the nights I suffer from insomnia). So sometimes when I make my way to my laptop in the morning, I will find a clipping from the newspaper waiting for me. Something he thought I might want to know. (love this)

Earlier this week, I came upon a little clipping about a magic bus full of poetry. It seems that Wave Books has a bus that has been traveling around the country during September and October celebrating poetry with poetry readings and other events. 50 cities in 50 days.

My reason for telling you this is because the bus will be in Portland on October 24 and will be back in Seattle on October 27. If you are in this neck of the woods, you might want to check it out.

To read more visit this article at The Washington Post and this article at The Believer (which, by the way, is a very interesting online publication I have just stumbled upon).

And also check out the Poetry Bus Tour blog (I am calling it that...because...well, I think it is a blog).

A bus full of poets and poetry...sounds like a nice way to spend a few weeks doesn't it?