I was emailing with a kindred spirit in blog world this week, and she asked me, “what do you want to do with your life?” And for the first time, maybe the first time ever in my 31 years, I had an immediate answer to that question. I have to be honest: The fact that my head and heart had this immediate answer somewhat astounded me.
A few years ago when we still lived in Indiana, my mom, Jon, and I were in Barnes and Noble and I found myself drawn to some books on one of those aisle tables. One title was Is It Too Late to Run Away and Join the Circus? An Updated Guide to Your Second Life by Marti Smye. I have to admit that I stood there thinking, “Do you think I could? Just run away and do that?” At that time, I felt like I was seeking, but I didn’t know what to look for. I didn’t know that I only had to look inward.
These last couple of years have become that journey – that journey inward. I have begun to be honest with myself about what I need and want to do with my life. And, how the doubts creep in and the questions jump out at me unexpectedly at times. Still, I know that if I just pause and listen, I will know what to do.
You have to be honest with yourself though. When you sit in the quiet, what does your heart tell you it needs or wants to do? That is the question. What does your soul need for nourishment? That is the question. Sitting with the questions and just breathing, noticing what comes up; I believe this is the way to find your answers. I used to be afraid to do this, to sit in the quiet and listen. There is an overwhelming power at times when you realize you have to know the answers to the questions of your life. There isn’t a true guidebook, just lots of people trying to tell you what they think is best. And, although their way might be one piece of your way, only you know the answers. Only you know.
In writing an answer to this question of “what do you want to do with your life?” I realized that I am doing it. I had a talk with my good friend Heather last weekend about this idea of “doing.” As Yoda talks about, this idea of “Do or do not. There is not try.” For me, the key has become to do. To stop creating my own hurdles and just do.
As I make a commitment to myself to live in my life and create and write and tell my story, I have to stop talking about doing these things – stop just talking about living and creating and writing – and find my way to action.