This evening, I choose to (try to) let go…
Of the need to feel guilty. I think I must be a bit addicted to feeling guilty as I choose to feel it so often. Can guilt be like a drug? Oh how I have gotten better over the last few years, but I hope to keep saying, "thanks, but no thanks" to the invitation of guilt.
Of the need to please. I will not please everyone. I cannot. And the truth is, I will not.
Of the need to dwell. A few months ago a wise friend said to me, "when your friend thinks she could have cancer and her doctor is saying things like, 'we don't really know what it is' and 'we haven't seen this before really' and you don't stand by her or you choose to stay mad about things, well, I think you lose all your friend points then." Yes. This is true. I need to let go of my need to dwell on things like this. Move on.
Of the need to be understood. The truth is, sometimes people just aren't gonna get it. They aren't gonna "get you." And that is okay. It. Is. Okay.
Of the need to look a certain way. I do this more and more as I own that I can just be me.
Of the need to put myself down. It is such an easy record to play in my head.
Of the need to think I am protecting others. Because this is often at the risk of harming myself. The opposite of this is inviting in honesty and boundaries.
Of the need to be liked by people who might be a lot cooler than me.
Of the need to focus on and fear the judgment of others. This goes hand in hand with that need to please. But, this one is really about that word: fear. It is a fear in the pit of my stomach. The fear that I will have to admit I cannot do it all. The fear that I will have to admit my pain, my truth.
Of the need to judge.
Of the need to stuff it in.
Of the need to ask for advice when I already know the answers.
Of the need to call someone.
Of the need to get wrapped up in emotion when I think someone does not understand me. I just keep trying to peel back the layers and let go of this. Knowing my reaction and words and thoughts belong to me. Theirs belong to them.
Of the need to fear what speaking my truth might do.
Of the need to be worried about a post full of pieces of my story (like this one).
Of the need to "have to."
What need do you need to let go of today? Do it now my friends. Let it go.
(maybe even leave an anonymous comment. free yourself…)
(for more "street" photography, visit self-portrait challenge)