Two weeks ago, the elephant that has been sitting in the middle of my living room my entire life started talking to me. In the past, the elephant and I have successfully ignored one another. Because I learned that whenever I tried to talk with this elephant, I would be crushed or at the very least misunderstood. I have worn a path in the living room as I have tiptoed around the elephant my entire life. We have an unspoken understanding of how our relationship works. We pretend we don’t even see one another. In fact, I have figured out a way to avoid the living room all together. Yet, out of nowhere, the elephant decided it wanted to have tea and talk and take the shit off the shelves that has been comfortably sitting there for years.
This is the image I have been sitting with as I reflect on this new aspect of my relationship with the elephant.
On my drive up to Seattle Saturday, as I soaked in the blue sky and the mountains that surrounded me, I had a small shift.
What if as I try to sift through my feelings, I allow this elephant to be Ganesha? What if I channel my energy into seeing how Ganesha has been sitting in my living room my whole life just waiting for the moment when I would see him?
This doesn’t mean that I am equating the original image with a god. No. The original image is a big old elephant of unspoken crap that has sat in the living room for as long as I can remember. But, as I prepare to do some battle with my own internal demons and stuff that is clawing its way to the surface through this, maybe I can allow myself to realize that I do not go into battle alone.
The elephant god is ready, just waiting for me in the middle of my living room, whenever I decide I need assistance.
(see other self-portraits here)