the beana and the book.

last night, the beana and i took a trip to barnes and noble.

and the book, the book that i wrote, was on a shelf. in barnes and noble. (right there behind the book by emily martin. the black apple. wow!)

i held up inner excavation and explained how this book is about looking at where we have been, where we stand on our paths, and where we want our next steps to take us.

i explained that it is about healing and remembering our younger selves and joy.

i explained that it invites people to find the poet waiting inside them and to dance inside photographs and to get messy with paint and paper and colors.

i explained that some amazing women share themselves in this book.

i explained that mama wrote it.

and, she basically rolled her eyes.

it was awesome.

this girl, she...

this girl, she sees all the other girls with their knee-high boots worn with skirts and skinny jeans and their oh my goodness how they make autumn look sexy looks. this girl, she wants a piece of that. a tiny piece is all she thinks she needs. but this girl, she is curvy and living inside a body that once held another body with the long not at all straight scar to prove it, and this girl is not feeling anywhere near sexy. no. this girl is a girl with legs that hold up her curvy self (that hold up this world some days). so this girl has known that these legs, her legs, will not find their way inside a pair of making autumn look a bit sexy, knee-high boots.

this girl is (sometimes) sitting inside wishing instead of being.

not today.

today, this girl wears these boots. these knee-high worn with a twirly dress boots.

yes.

today, she dances in her curvy body and lets go of the need to hold it all up. she lets go of the need to wish for someone other than herself.

today, this girl twirls inside the truth of who she is becoming.

four things.

1. i am getting outside with my camera again. thank you blue skies. thank you "you are your own muse." thank you ellie jane who likes riding in the moby.

2. this month, i am pretty much going to post everyday (aka nablopomo). or try to. (maybe even two times some days.) i want to find my words again. and sometimes i am going to turn off the comments. just because.

3. my little etsy shop is open again, and i have uploaded several new soul mantra necklaces. note that the "begin" limited edition fall necklace is available again for the next couple of weeks.

4. remember this post? the one where i mentioned this, "i want to sing to her until she joins in." well, it happened yesterday. ellie jane was hanging out in her bouncy seat pretty chill after a short nap. the house was quiet. i was working on jewelry, finishing the "tell your story" necklace, and suddenly, i was, of course, singing deb talan's song of the same name. as i was singing without really realizing it..."tell your story...don't stop talking, just tell you story walking"...she joined in. yes. yes. yes. (thank you for holding the space for me so i could find my way to this day.)

in the quiet, she

between

someplace between, this is where i see you. me. me (you) trying to find my (your) way. lost (at times) as the rain drums upon the roof. choosing (at times). i must seek the truth. so much energy pushed toward the spiral dance of figuring it (you) out. i fear i am parched from the seeking. then the truth whips through me again, tugging until i pay attention. it is not the seeking but the spinning. it is the fear of losing grip on the handle of all that i know. all that i (think i) know. the spinning pushes me away from myself (you). i am pushed toward all that i already know. someplace between (the knowing and the spinning), this is where i am.

the truth and the beauty (of all of it)

vivienne holding art by sabrina ward harrison

i am sitting inside some pieces of truth and beauty and pain and life and goodness all at once over here. and navigating these waters after having lived in survival mode for a long time has me feeling a bit tender. and i am okay in that "i know i am okay and life is full of such goodness" sort of way. but i also don't want to minimize or dismiss the whispers that are knocking about inside me, so i am also giving myself a little space to be honest with myself and a few trusted friends that my body, mind, and heart have been through so much this year. even though i deeply know how blessed we are that ellie jane is healing so well after such a huge surgery, i am aware that i have healing to do too. that i have pieces of my story that need to be shared inside the safe spaces of my life.

so after acknowledging these truths aloud last evening, it was with a tender heart that i began today. and when i had a moment just for me and i opened my laptop, the kind eyes of a dear friend were what i stared into as i looked at the image above in google reader, as i looked at an image that forced me to stop and feel and listen.

little did she know how much i needed to be seen in a way that someone invites you to feel seen when she snaps a photo of herself that reveals wisdom and truth and beauty.

this is the power of self-portraits and revealing ourselves to ourselves, and then, when we choose, to take the next step of revealing pieces of ourselves to others. this is the power of healing ourselves in a way that holds up a mirror for someone else.

yes.

*****

the woman in the photo above is my dear friend vivienne. she is teaching an online course called "you are your own muse" that begins monday. when i think about all that she invited me to look at with just this one photo, i am full of anticipation for all that i will uncover while taking her course. (and, i have it on good authority that a few spots are left.)

hope your weekend is full of joy and light,

liz

Sea Studio: Pen & Paper

As light dances on the sand, as storms roll in across the ocean, as the crocuses bloom by the sea, and as the sun peeks out to warm our shoulders, come along and spend five days on the Oregon Coast focused on writing. 

This is your invitation to travel to Manzanita, Oregon in February and connect with experienced mentors who will share their thoughts about writing, publishing, and living the writing life.

This is your invitation to breathe in the salt air and eat delicious, nutritious meals and be present to discovering the next step on your path.

This in your invitation to bring whatever stories that are waiting to be told inside you and give yourself the gift of space to simply write.

This is your invitation to bring your current writing project, whatever it might be, and spend time putting pen to paper.

This is your invitation to come along, because this is a retreat for the writer who is you.

(yes you)

This is the first retreat in a new series called the Studio Gatherings. These retreats are inspired by the desire to have a room of our own where we can write, paint, play, and live creative dreams into reality combined with the idea that creative souls crave community with like-minded spirits.

The Pen & Paper mentors who will gather on the coast include:

Kate Inglis 

Jenna McGuiggan

Christen Olivarez

(and, well, me)

To learn more about this retreat, including information about the mentors, location, lodging, group gatherings/discussions, and small group workshops, visit the Pen & Paper page on the Be Present Retreats website. 

the faces of ellie jane (october 22)

 

right now, she is my teacher. the course? staying right here in this moment.

(and a cute teacher she is.)

*****

Lots of behind the scenes stuff happening over here as I work on the 2011 Be Present Retreats schedule. Plan to have information up on the site this weekend about the next retreat and some sneak peeks of another one. So happy to be doing the work I know I am meant to do. 

Love and light from this part of the world,

Liz