someplace between, this is where i see you. me. me (you) trying to find my (your) way. lost (at times) as the rain drums upon the roof. choosing (at times). i must seek the truth. so much energy pushed toward the spiral dance of figuring it (you) out. i fear i am parched from the seeking. then the truth whips through me again, tugging until i pay attention. it is not the seeking but the spinning. it is the fear of losing grip on the handle of all that i know. all that i (think i) know. the spinning pushes me away from myself (you). i am pushed toward all that i already know. someplace between (the knowing and the spinning), this is where i am.
i am sitting inside some pieces of truth and beauty and pain and life and goodness all at once over here. and navigating these waters after having lived in survival mode for a long time has me feeling a bit tender. and i am okay in that "i know i am okay and life is full of such goodness" sort of way. but i also don't want to minimize or dismiss the whispers that are knocking about inside me, so i am also giving myself a little space to be honest with myself and a few trusted friends that my body, mind, and heart have been through so much this year. even though i deeply know how blessed we are that ellie jane is healing so well after such a huge surgery, i am aware that i have healing to do too. that i have pieces of my story that need to be shared inside the safe spaces of my life.
so after acknowledging these truths aloud last evening, it was with a tender heart that i began today. and when i had a moment just for me and i opened my laptop, the kind eyes of a dear friend were what i stared into as i looked at the image above in google reader, as i looked at an image that forced me to stop and feel and listen.
little did she know how much i needed to be seen in a way that someone invites you to feel seen when she snaps a photo of herself that reveals wisdom and truth and beauty.
this is the power of self-portraits and revealing ourselves to ourselves, and then, when we choose, to take the next step of revealing pieces of ourselves to others. this is the power of healing ourselves in a way that holds up a mirror for someone else.
yes.
*****
the woman in the photo above is my dear friend vivienne. she is teaching an online course called "you are your own muse" that begins monday. when i think about all that she invited me to look at with just this one photo, i am full of anticipation for all that i will uncover while taking her course. (and, i have it on good authority that a few spots are left.)
As light dances on the sand, as storms roll in across the ocean, as the crocuses bloom by the sea, and as the sun peeks out to warm our shoulders, come along and spend five days on the Oregon Coast focused on writing.
This is your invitation to travel to Manzanita, Oregon in February and connect with experienced mentors who will share their thoughts about writing, publishing, and living the writing life.
This is your invitation to breathe in the salt air and eat delicious, nutritious meals and be present to discovering the next step on your path.
This in your invitation to bring whatever stories that are waiting to be told inside you and give yourself the gift of space to simply write.
This is your invitation to bring your current writing project, whatever it might be, and spend time putting pen to paper.
This is your invitation to come along, because this is a retreat for the writer who is you.
(yes you)
This is the first retreat in a new series called the Studio Gatherings. These retreats are inspired by the desire to have a room of our own where we can write, paint, play, and live creative dreams into reality combined with the idea that creative souls crave community with like-minded spirits.
The Pen & Paper mentors who will gather on the coast include:
To learn more about this retreat, including information about the mentors, location, lodging, group gatherings/discussions, and small group workshops, visit the Pen & Paper page on the Be Present Retreats website.
right now, she is my teacher. the course? staying right here in this moment.
(and a cute teacher she is.)
*****
Lots of behind the scenes stuff happening over here as I work on the 2011 Be Present Retreats schedule. Plan to have information up on the site this weekend about the next retreat and some sneak peeks of another one. So happy to be doing the work I know I am meant to do.
1) i had such fun talking to jamie as a guest for the Creative Living with Jamie podcast. serious fun. i hope you will hop over to her site to listen to our talk about creative dreams, listening to yourself, and the importance of action. and then explore other podcasts and good things on jamie's site. that girl gets it. yes yes yes. and i am so glad we finally got to connect voice to voice after years of knowing each other in blog world.
2) elliebeana and i are still singing "beauty in the world" several times a day. my girl loves this song. i sang it to her while she was in the hospital and i think wanting to giggle and dance to it was part of the reason she came off the ventilator so early.
3) people are reading Inner Excavation. and telling me about it. and posting a review on amazon. oh. my. goodness. it is a kind of crazy goodness to get emails from people who have visited my blog because they are reading the book. my book. wow. the first batch of books for people who ordered the book from me went out yesterday. the rest should go out later this week/first thing next week (there was some confusion with my publisher but that is all straightened out now). and, you can still order the book from me and receive the free postcard package of additional images from five of the contributors (i am sending these free postcards with orders through the end of the month or until i run out).
thank you. for ordering the book. for reading it. for telling me your thoughts about it.
due to ellie jane's amazing superpower of healing, we have been home for 24 hours.
just like that.
(we expected to be at the hospital for at least a week.)
thank you for surrounding us with light, love, support, notes, and prayers. we are so very grateful. this experience has me believing that love always wins, no matter what happens. yes. yes. yes.
