on this winter's night {december views}

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we are expecting another snow storm, so we headed out for provisions today. and in the frozen food aisle, this woman who appeared to be in her eighties walked up to me with two half gallons of ice cream and said, "can you help me?" i nodded. relief on her face,"is one of these vanilla? i don't have my glasses." "this one," i said, pointing to the one in her left hand. "thank you so much," she said as she turned toward her cart.

and suddenly i found myself doing that pull inward, that pull that you do with your face and your heart and your gut to keep from bursting into tears.

it was unexpected and odd and a bit silly i suppose.

but this is grief.

standing in the frozen food section, the sucker punch that is grief brought me almost to my knees.
for just a second.
as jonny stood saying, "which kind of pizza did you want?"
and i stood just looking at the cart as though in a daze.
after a few seconds of borderline annoyance (the store was the busiest i have experienced in a long time...there wasn't really space for hanging out in front of the frozen pizzas in bewilderment), he walked around to me and the pizzas and said, "are you okay?"
i waved my arm in that "i am fine...move on" sort of way.
but when he stood next to me, i leaned in for support.
"do you miss your grandma?"
nodding, the tears began.
and we chose the california pizza kitchen pizza margherita thin crust.
breathe.
keep going.
breathe.
one foot, then the other.

tonight, i took out a favorite picture that used to be out all the time, placed it on my altar, lit a candle, and remembered what love is.

i remember.

this song, this very beautiful melancholy song by joni mitchell is sitting inside my heart tonight.
i also love this version by sarah mclachlin (i listen to it all the time...her album wintersong is my favorite favorite christmas album)
and tonight i found this version by james taylor
and this pretty freaking fantastic version by corrine bailey rae
and this bluesier newer version from miss joni

sending blessings and peace to you this evening...

a walk through jonny's eyes {december views}

a guest photographer today for december views

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sounds of the season

another favorite scene from white christmas where bing sings that oh so very beautiful song.

snug and snowed in {december views}

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on this solstice, take a listen to sarah mclachlan's version of wintersong.
my heart is full of the dark and the light when i listen to this song.
i visit the dark...
tonight, i choose the light.

thank you for being out there...reading my words and looking at my images...and sharing pieces of you right back to me...or just silently reading and looking...thanks for getting it.

blessings,
me

flannel and snow {december views}

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ended up back at urgent care yesterday. they are treating me as though i might have pneumonia. so lots of rest and heating pads and a vaporizer and warm apple juice (a new one for me...but really wonderful) and antibiotics and an inhaler and all cuddled up cozy in a flannel nightgown (more about it here) with leg warmers (from a dear friend) and slippers all under a childhood quilt. we ventured out to get a tiny tree before the snow started falling again. we have several inches now, which is a true rarity around here. (which is why the three of us spent a wee bit of time outside together tonight as i wanted to see millie play in the snow as this is the most snow she has ever seen. and play she did. while i snapped photos from the glow of the backyard light and all the white. she is already snoring after that excitement and cold.) with more inches to come, we are basically snowed in (that is until the rain starts mid-day tomorrow when we will be iced in...we are so hoping that does not happen). it feels like christmas now. as millie played tonight, i thought a bit about trav, the golden we had before her. this time of year always brings up a bit of those feelings of missing, doesn't it? this version of this song makes me think of him and smile.

hope you are taking care of you...

blessings,
liz

backyard snow {december views}

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and since we've no place to go (except the post office...please let me get to the post office tomorrow), let it snow.

funny how things work {december views}

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i have never liked oatmeal. no. would never eat it as a child. but my brother...matt loved it. he ate instant quaker oats, cinnamon and raisin i believe (the kind in the purple packaging), every morning before school and on the weekends (unless mom made french toast or dad took us to the country bake shop for doughnuts). at some point, making it for him became my job. i would hold my breath as i stirred the hot water into the oats. i hated that smell and that paste-like texture.

with this freezing weather and the neverending chest cold of 2008, i have been craving mostly warm food...especially in the morning. i usually eat cheerios though...sometimes toast. but we bought irish steel cut oats for me last week because i just wanted something warm...i thought i could try. so today, i did. and as the snow was falling in that hope tomorrow is a snow day sort of way, i stirred the maple syrup and brown sugar into the oats and splash of milk and the smell took me back to a kitchen of my childhood and the simple task of being a big sister. and i thought about how if it had been this time of year back in that kitchen and we had been home for a snow day, kenny and dolly's "once upon a christmas" would have been the album playing in the background. in that house, we had speakers throughout, even in the kitchen. "christmas to remember" is one of my favorites from the album (of course, if you are brave enough to want to watch the video from the kenny and dolly christmas special circa 1984...which i, of course, watched when it was on when i was eight...then check it out [how i wish i could remember why they are in this setting for this song])

and in that "i do not like green eggs and ham" way that lifes so often goes, i loved having irish oatmeal for breakfast. imagine that...might have been the heaping spoon of brown sugar. maybe some morning soon i can play at being a big sister again and fix a bowl for my brother...

bring on the yarn {december views}

december views*****

sounds of the season

one of my favorite holiday movies is white christmas. i so wish i could remember the first time my mom introduced me to it. i wish i remembered how old i was and where we were. but i do remember watching it every year with her when i was in my late teens and early twenties. i love an irving berlin musical and this one has everything: dancing, love, humor, glamour, snow (finally), misunderstandings, a sorting out of things, costumes, danny kaye...and really great songs. i will be sharing a few of them over the next week or so, but tonight, as we still have a bit on the ground and there are rumors of more, i will share this one.

snow and scrooge {december views}

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we caught a bit of george c. scott's version of scrooge on AMC tonight. made me think of my favorite version of this story...here's a scene that includes a song that i end up singing over and over and one of my favorite lines of this often quoted movie in our house: "you're a little absent minded spirit." "no, i'm a large absent minded spirit." hee, hee. gets me every time.