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Filtering by Tag: december views
still feeling content.
feeling happy (after spending time talking and brainstorming and dreaming with a dear friend).
feeling quiet again tonight.
and finally feeling so much better after three and a half weeks of illness.
thank you all for your kind words on my post about suddenly missing my grandmother in the frozen food aisle. reading your words was one of my favorite gifts this season. you reminded me that i am not alone. i hope you remember that you are not alone either.
sending blessings to you.
board games for two
taking care of each other
using the new panini maker
wearing christmas eve pajamas all day
sitting by the fire
watching the snow fall
sitting in the quiet
listening to christmas music for hours (and still not getting to the end of the christmas music playlist on my ipod)
brainstorming a wondrous new idea together
watching another movie
laughing with each other
being happy for the quiet (after venturing out the day after christmas and finding ourselves surrounded by some not so quiet children)
taking our time opening presents and just being in the moment
going out to dinner
watching the snow all melt away
staying up way too late
toasting "to us"
hope things are beautiful and full of life in your corner of the world...
and suddenly i found myself doing that pull inward, that pull that you do with your face and your heart and your gut to keep from bursting into tears.
it was unexpected and odd and a bit silly i suppose.
but this is grief.
standing in the frozen food section, the sucker punch that is grief brought me almost to my knees.
for just a second.
as jonny stood saying, "which kind of pizza did you want?"
and i stood just looking at the cart as though in a daze.
after a few seconds of borderline annoyance (the store was the busiest i have experienced in a long time...there wasn't really space for hanging out in front of the frozen pizzas in bewilderment), he walked around to me and the pizzas and said, "are you okay?"
i waved my arm in that "i am fine...move on" sort of way.
but when he stood next to me, i leaned in for support.
"do you miss your grandma?"
nodding, the tears began.
and we chose the california pizza kitchen pizza margherita thin crust.
one foot, then the other.
tonight, i took out a favorite picture that used to be out all the time, placed it on my altar, lit a candle, and remembered what love is.
this song, this very beautiful melancholy song by joni mitchell is sitting inside my heart tonight.
i also love this version by sarah mclachlin (i listen to it all the time...her album wintersong is my favorite favorite christmas album)
and tonight i found this version by james taylor
and this pretty freaking fantastic version by corrine bailey rae
and this bluesier newer version from miss joni
sending blessings and peace to you this evening...
on this solstice, take a listen to sarah mclachlan's version of wintersong.
my heart is full of the dark and the light when i listen to this song.
i visit the dark...
tonight, i choose the light.
thank you for being out there...reading my words and looking at my images...and sharing pieces of you right back to me...or just silently reading and looking...thanks for getting it.
ended up back at urgent care yesterday. they are treating me as though i might have pneumonia. so lots of rest and heating pads and a vaporizer and warm apple juice (a new one for me...but really wonderful) and antibiotics and an inhaler and all cuddled up cozy in a flannel nightgown (more about it here) with leg warmers (from a dear friend) and slippers all under a childhood quilt. we ventured out to get a tiny tree before the snow started falling again. we have several inches now, which is a true rarity around here. (which is why the three of us spent a wee bit of time outside together tonight as i wanted to see millie play in the snow as this is the most snow she has ever seen. and play she did. while i snapped photos from the glow of the backyard light and all the white. she is already snoring after that excitement and cold.) with more inches to come, we are basically snowed in (that is until the rain starts mid-day tomorrow when we will be iced in...we are so hoping that does not happen). it feels like christmas now. as millie played tonight, i thought a bit about trav, the golden we had before her. this time of year always brings up a bit of those feelings of missing, doesn't it? this version of this song makes me think of him and smile.
hope you are taking care of you...