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liz lamoreux

jellybeans
choices, 27 october 07


I have been wrestling with a decision lately. One that isn't a major life decision, but one that affects my creative journey. I had decided not to do something that I wanted to do. And, when thinking about the reasons why, I had trouble coming up with any really. Thoughts about how I didn't want to "seem." However, at different times during this past weekend, I had thoughts like, "why am I not doing this?"

In the early morning hours, I woke up with this phrase on my mind, "I feel like I am asking for too much."

Asking for too much?

What does that even mean in this context?

When it comes to wanting to get my creations out into the world…getting my creative self out there…sharing my story…is there really asking for too much?

I suppose there could be, but after this phrase popped into my mind, I started grinning. Ahhh, the old fear of not being able to ask for what I want.

I realized: I am afraid.

So I got up and acted.

This afternoon, I was at the post office mailing off some packages from The Little Room. I also had to overnight a document. As Jeff, my (sorry to all the others) favorite postal worker, was stamping the express mail documentation, we were talking about various things. Sidetracked by this, I misunderstood what he meant when he said, "Must be there before noon tomorrow." I replied with, "Why?" And he looked at me with confusion and said, "Why would you get what you want?"

I started laughing, "Oh, right, the express mail package will be there before noon tomorrow."

Yes, yes, that is what I want.

Two connected ideas:

Am I asking for too much?
Why would you get what you want?

Little whispers of truth in the midst of everyday life.
Little reminders that I know what I want.
Little reminders of my dreams, hopes, passions.

And, little reminders of the need for action.

I begin.
I act.
I continue.