a poetry thursday favorite poem
The Sunday before the Wednesday I was to see you
the conversation played
on a stage in my mind.
Knowing you would pretend to be irritated that
I had flown across the country unannounced
because you did not
want me to see you like this,
I would pull the chair next to your bed,
see your emaciated body,
and my hand would brush
away the hair around your face
like I did twenty-five years ago
right before I would smear Pond’s cold cream
across your nose, cheeks, and forehead.
I would tell you that I finally understood.
But then you died on Tuesday.
In their need for reason,
people said you chose to die
the Tuesday before the Wednesday I was to see you
because you knew I was coming and
you wouldn’t have
wanted me to see you like that.
Infuriated, I turned my back
on the words that meant nothing
to the open wound you left behind
that people saw as me, and
I sat in the darkness,
my throat choked with silence,
my fingertips filled with regret that I
did not brush your hair
away from your face
when I saw you on
the morning of the Thursday after the Wednesday I was to see you,
when I heard your voice say,
It isn’t me.
****
I originally shared this poem in the summer of 2006 and again here as part of Poetry Thursday, which was an online community I co-hosted. It poured out of me one day when I was processing the grief surrounding my grandmother's death and my anger at the platitudes people say. Of all the poems I wrote during my experience of Poetry Thursday, this was my favorite.
poetry, write a poem in write, write, write
Reader Comments (18)
Wow.
This is now my favorite poem.
Thanks so much for reposting it.
A lovely work. So full of regret, remorse and reminder and so easy to fit into my life - my heart hurts even now.
I remember seeing this when you first posted it, and being so moved by your capacity to translate your grief into words with such subtlety and depth. I like that you have chosen to honour your grandmother's memory by sharing this poem again.
Liz, you've given so much in what you've done with Poetry Thursday. Thank you. Thank you.
Hi Liz! Just catching up after not being able to blog much these past weeks. I hope you're doing well! xoxo
Such pain and love in this poem ... thank you for sharing. xx, JP/deb
This is my first read. Did not see it the first time around. Heart wrenching.
Oh, thank you for these heartfelt words. I'm so glad your grandmother was a special person in your life. What a strong bond you two had!
My grandma (Nana) used to wear Pond's cold cream, too! That smell takes me right back to part of her essence.
Hugs to you and your memories,
Lisa
Such grace and beauty in this poem,
I love your site,
Blessings, Maithri.
so compelling, liz.
i've been away for a while. back now and saying hi and hope you're well.
love to you,
Vx
Wow, my throat closed up just reading this heartbreaking poem. I could feel your pain and regret, and also your love for this person you lost. Thank you very much for sharing this again because I missed it the first time around.
Thanks for sharing this again, it is heartbreaking and beautiful.
Hi, I haven't stopped by in a while, but I enjoy your poetry and blogs when I do. Reminds me to enjoy those light and happy times in life a little more. Thanks.
Thank you for everything...
The refernced days relly worked for me in this poem...as did everything .
I will think of you each times I try not to tip over when I do my feeble yoga!
i really felt your emotions, and passions as i sat here and read this poem. i can see why this one is a fav.
i am delighted to have found your blog. i have been reading your archives over the weekend and feel as though you write from your heart. you do this consistently and it is *wonderful*.
Liz, I'm stunned. I am not one for poetry. At all. I often skip right over poems in bloggers' posts. But for some reason, I read yours today, and now I'm sitting her at my desk crying. This is beautiful.
And it was lovely to meet you in person a couple weeks back (this is my first weekend with real internet access since then). You are a kind, gentle soul.
yes honey we do need to love our work and you should be very, very proud of this piece. it conveys emotion so beautifully and leaves me with an ache in the middle of my chest...but in a good way...
it was so, so, so good to talk to you last night...i put my registration in the mail this morning...yipee!!!!
Tiel Aisha Ansari and I, Mike McCulley, have created a 'poetry exchange' blog at http://totallyoptionalprompts.blogspot.com/" REL="nofollow">Totally Optional Prompts , and you are invited to participate.