looking back to see here.

westport, washington, april 2008

i remember that little twitch inside that wasn't really a twitch but was more like a jolt that became an rsvp to an invitation to be completely misunderstood. i remember that whisper in the middle of my chest that was really more like a pit in my stomach that was feeling more than alone in the midst of what was to be an encirclement. i remember not listening to the voice inside that was really my intuition that was really the wisdom that has always been there. i remember the empty space that was really a moment alone that was actually a breath of fresh air disguised as intense confusion. i remember the desire to be thought of as someone else which was really a wish to be loved for who i was in that moment. i remember the confusion that was really the truth of someone else unable to just show up. i remember the words that are now only echoes that once insisted to be significant and now are the path that brought me to this moment. i remember feeling the darkness while looking at what was supposed to be trust and wondering why i allowed it all to happen. i remember the hope that turned into an ugliness that became my path and birthed all that was meant to be.

i am here.
i am here.
i am here.
and it is beauty.
all of it.
it is beauty.
(thank you)